repost 04.27.11

For the past several weeks I have been getting a flood of questions about dealing with anger in our children. It seems that the more we look at this issue from a Biblical perspective, the more we need to relearn. Much of what we have learned apart from the Scriptures has to do with either suppressing or excusing anger in our children. Yet the Bible does neither. For the next few weeks we are going to take a look into the Word of God to examine the Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How of dealing with anger in our children… and ourselves. I would suggest that every mother/woman/parent take some time to look up the Scriptures quoted, perhaps writing them out on a 3x5 card, in order to readjust the way you think and feel and believe about the very real problem of anger.

When:

When is it imperative and appropriate for a mother or father to deal with the anger that rises to the surface and spills out over into a child’s life and relationships?

Always. Every time. Every single time.

This is one of the few issues that come with a sort of no-tolerance clause attached. Remember the story of Moses? He was assigned by God to lead the nation of Israel out of their cruel bondage in Egypt into the Promised Land. He was a hero— a brave man and a fearless leader.  The Israelites should have trusted him after all they’d seen God do through him in convincing Pharaoh to let them go. Instead, they grumbled and complained and balked at every instruction he gave them.

Sound a little like your two year old? Or your teenager?

Moses finally got fed up when he returned from his holy encounter with God on top of Mt. Sinai, that tablet of Ten Commandments tucked under his arm. As he walked down the mountain, the repulsive sight of his redeemed people worshipping a golden calf shocked him. They had melted all the gold that God had provided for them in order to do the one thing He’d entreated them never to do: prostitute themselves to a man-made idol.

When Moses saw how angry God became at their sin he begged the Lord to hold off from wiping them out for the sake of His own reputation amongst the nations.

“So the Lord changed His mind about the harm which He said he would do to His people.”

Moses’ intervention actually changed God’s mind!

When Moses realized that God had actually stayed His hand of punishment, he sang this song:

“The Lord, the Lord God,

compassionate and gracious,

slow to anger,

and abounding in lovingkindness and truth;

who keeps lovingkindness for thousands,

who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin…

and Moses made hast to bow low toward the earth and worship.”

Exodus 34:6,7,8

Yet with all that, Moses later lost his temper with the people when yet one more time they grumbled and complained and tested him sorely.  In one grand display of anger, Moses cut himself off from God’s blessing and cut himself out of the Promised Land by slamming his staff against the rock, calling the Israelites “you rebels[1]”, and lambasting them for their stubbornness. Rather than excuse him, God permanently banned him from entering the place he had spent all those years leading his people to. Because of his sin he was destined to die alone on a mountaintop just within sight of his dream.

God takes anger seriously.

He doesn’t excuse it.

He never ignores it.

He always disciplines it.

Always.

And that’s a lot to think about.

From my heart,

Diane

---

[1]See how seriously God takes name calling in Matthew 5:21,22

  We live in a pretty incredible city.

I have a list a mile long of new resturaunts I want to try and places I want to visit and we finally checked two off the list!

Did you know that Portland is home to Bob's Red Mill and Dave's Killer Bread?

Did you know they each have their own store and that they are right across the street from each other?

Can you tell I'm excited about this???

We took a little family trip to Milwaulkie last week to check out the amazingness and it did not disapoint. I highly recommend you pay them both a visit!

BOB'S RED MILL

(Duke is in the left corner... extremely excited)

You may start to feel like you have taken a wrong turn as you drive through a random business park but the big red barn will ensure you that you have indeed come to the right place.

Bob's Red Mill has a restaurant and whole grain store attached to their mill. They give daily mill tours and the store is open to the public Monday - Saturday.

Their resturant has a breakfast and lunch menu full of healthy options for all dietary needs. The breakfast was delicious! Brook had the eggs and potatoes, Duke devoured the vegan french toast, I tried the 5 grain hot cereal and Scarlet took a nap.

Brook and Duke went to a grassy area to play some football while I (with sleeping Scarlet) drooling over all the fun things the store had to offer. I wanted to buy one of everything and may have gotten a bit carried away in the bulk section (their prices for the indiviual bags of flours, grains and mixes were not that great but they do have a great bulk section with a bit better pricing).

DAVE'S KILLER BREAD:

We then ventured across the street to Dave's Healthy Bread Store.

HEAVEN on earth.

They have 4 sections in the store:

Day Olds

Fresh

Imperfect

Frozen

They are all discounted but the best deal are the frozen loaves. They average about $3 a loaf (they are normally $5-$6 each in most stores) but if you buy 12 or more loaves they are about $2 a loaf.

Brook and Duke sampled bread and participated in a taste test for some new recipes they are working on developing.

I deliberated over which 12 loaves to buy.

And Scarlet kept sleeping.

They have every kind you could think of and I love them all! If you are like me and don't do too great with wheat, their Sprouted Wheat Bread is so good and a little easier to digest.

We may have gotten a bit carried away...

Overall it was a wonderful adventure and I would highly recommend you take a trip to the big red barn!

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

What are some of your favorite Bob's Red Mill and Dave's Killer Bread products and how do you use them?

She gets up while it is still night;


she provides food for her family 

and portions for her female servants. 

Proverbs 31:15

(source)

Dearest Matthew,

Last week in my letter to you I let you in on the secret so many women share— the whole intimidation factor in the Proverbs 31 description of a “worthy woman”. Since I read the chapter of Proverbs corresponding to the day of the month most mornings, I get faced with her seeming perfection once a month.

Who can do all she does? And if I tried, wouldn’t I get lost in all that work? Become a mindless machine, lose my own creativity, shrivel up inside, and have a massive identity crisis while failing to be perfect?

The fact is, this is an overview of a woman’s life, not what she did every day. Kind of a portfolio of one woman’s description to her son of what an intelligent and godly woman’s achievements can look like over a lifetime and how those doings can benefit her husband and family in such a way as to enrich their lives incredibly.

But notice her first act of the day— getting up early.

It was many years ago that I learned my need for those early morning hours alone. I’d tried and failed time and time again to be disciplined enough to get up early and read my Bible. I knew it was the right thing to do, but with babies up at night and a husband whose ministry mostly happened in the evening hours, it just seemed impossible. The thought of losing precious sleep to cross Bible reading off my list just wasn’t enough to rouse me from slumber.

It wasn’t until my world began to unravel that I discovered the truth this woman in Proverbs 31 lived every day— that it wasn’t more discipline I needed, but more desire. And that when I craved hearing God’s intimate speaking to me more than I craved a little extra sleep, and when that craving actually woke me up in the morning and propelled me into His presence, He had treasures of wisdom waiting for me.

The Bible often likens the Scriptures to food.  Jesus spoke of Himself as the Bread of Life, able to fill and strengthen and nourish us deep within. In the Psalms, God cried out to His people, “Open your mouth wide and I will fill it…. I would feed you with the finest of wheat; and with honey from the rock I would satisfy you.” (Psalm 81:10,16)

He longed for His people to listen to Him, to hear and obey the instructions He was waiting to give them.

The wise woman knows God hasn’t changed through all the days of history. He still longs for us to listen. He has tasks for us to do (Ephesians 2:10). Directions and impressions to lay on our hearts, wisdom and understanding to satisfy our longings.

Matt, I would wish for you a wife who is hungry enough to get up early and feast on God’s words.

A woman who listens carefully to the wisdom God gives and then goes to meet the needs of those whom God has given her to serve.

A woman who listens with a pen in hand, making a list of how the Father wants her to love that day.

A woman who sees need before anyone else does and applies the strength she’s already received from God to rise to the challenges of real life.

And son, I would wish for your someday-wife that she would have a husband who shakes off those sleepy morning cobwebs, gets out of bed, starts some coffee, opens the Scriptures, and listens.  Every morning.

I don’t have a list to leave you today. What I do have is a record of my own journey towards this kind of early morning listening. Maybe it will help you to see where you are headed as long as you keep crying out for more of Jesus. And maybe my own list will help you to lovingly lead a woman as she seeks to do the same.

I started with DRUDGERY,

grew up a little into DUTY,

tried but failed for a long time at DISCIPLINE.

Then life led me to a place of DESPERATION,

and that’s when DESIRE

for more of what He poured all over me

led to absolute, unending, every morning DELIGHT.

From my heart,

Mom

P.S. For those who are reading these letters:

Are you stuck in the DISCIPLINE phase?

Mad at yourself for failing too often to manage your life in such a way that getting up early to read the Scriptures and listen to God actually happens?

Let me give you a little motherly advice: ask the Father to do whatever it takes to fill you with enough DESIRE so that you will know the DELIGHT of rising early to listen for more.

And if you’re already there- will you tell us your story? I love stories, and I especially love hearing how God moved others to want Him more.

repost  03.30.11

For the past several weeks I have been getting a flood of questions about dealing with anger in our children. It seems that the more we look at this issue from a Biblical perspective, the more we need to relearn. Much of what we have learned apart from the Scriptures has to do with either suppressing or excusing anger in our children. Yet the Bible does neither. For the next few weeks we are going to take a look into the Word of God to examine the Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How of dealing with anger in our children… and ourselves. I would suggest that every mother/woman/parent take some time to look up the Scriptures quoted, perhaps writing them out on a 3x5 card, in order to readjust the way you think and feel and believe about the very real problem of anger.

What:

Galatians 5:19,20,22,23 in the Amplified Bible describes the difference between a person who is acting in the flesh (or naturally) and a person who is living a life filled full of God’s Spirit. I’ve edited the verse down to include just the parts about anger, but you’d be wise to look up the whole passage:

Now the doings (practices) of the flesh are clear—obvious:

They are… strife, jealousy, anger (ill temper), selfishness…

But the fruit of the Spirit (the work which His presence accomplishes)—

is love, joy(gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), goodness (benevolence), faithfulness; (meekness, humility), gentleness, self-control (self-restraint, continence)…

Notice that last word, self-control. It is also translated as self-restraint and, get this, continence. What a strange word! I’m sure you’re thinking just what I am: Depends commercials! And leeky diapers and messiness and putrid odors…

To be an incontinent Christian, or an incontinent mother, or an incontinent child is to be one who leaks out all over the place… at the most inconvenient and embarrassing of times!

We have got to teach our children to control themselves lest they be categorized as one of these angry people to be avoided at all cost.

When anger “leaks” out in an incontinent moment it takes various forms:

• Bitterness
• Self-pity
• Explosions
• Over-reactions
• Jabbing
• Emotional withdrawal
• Hitting- others, oneself, or an object

Again, the Amplified Bible expounds on the breadth of the original language:

Let all bitterness and indignations and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper)

and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contentions)

and slander (evilspeaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you,

with all malice (spite, ill will or baseness of any kind).

Ephesians 4:31

Do you see how seriously God takes anger? He calls it just as it is, never excusing it or hoping it will go away. Though anger is most definitelycommon in families and between siblings, it is by no meansnormalaccording to God’s definition. Therefore, just as you would never dream of simply rolling your eyes at behaviors such as lying and stealing and setting fire to the living room sofa, you must never take any form of anger lightly. It is a destructive sin that will not simply disappear with maturity.

The really good news is that Jesus paid for all that anger on the Cross, and He has given you and your family everything you need to overcome the sin of anger.

From my heart,

Diane

Check out these verses:

2 Peter 1:1-8

Galatians 5:13-26 (see vs. 15 for siblings who pick on each other)

2 Corinthians 9:8

Genesis 4:1-10 (especially vs. 5-7)

If you were to look inside my fridge, more often then not, you would find a little jar of sauce.

Not just any sauce.

Magic sauce.

A few days after Scarlet was born, my mom came over to make us some dinner and the meal she made has become a staple in our house. The sauce for the roasted veggies comes from one of my favorite food blogs and the dinner concept from my mom's sheer genious.

Thank you Mom.

As I've mentioned before, eating all real foods takes some planning, preperation and time and I'm always looking for easy items I can keep on hand to throw together a quick meal... especially when you can get good leftovers out of it!

A few things about this meal:

• If you are a meat eater and worry that a meal of veggies won't fill you up... I promise this will.
• You can use any veggies you like with the sauce. Although it does taste amazing with the cauliflower!
• I sometimes add garbonzo beans or lentils to the meal for added protein.
• I always double or triple the sauce and keep it on hand for another meal. Thus, the little magic jar.
• If your 3 year old says "I will like vegetables when I get older mama." then you might be out of luck with this one. Yes, I'm speaking from experience.

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

ROASTED CAULIFLOWER AND ASPARAGUS BOWLS

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 head of cauliflower - cut into bit sized pieces
• 1 bunch of asparagus
• 1 package of the 5 Grain Blend from Trader Joe's (it is a mix of couscous, orzo, beans and red quinoa) or any grain
• Vegetable broth

THE SAUCE:

I follow these intructions and mix together:

• 2 T almond butter
• 1 T braggs amino acids
• 1 t lemon juice
• 3 T water
• 1 T maple syrup
• 1 t minced ginger
• 1 t minced garlic
• 2 T chopped cashews or almonds

TO MAKE:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Follow the instructions for cooking the 5 Grain Mix and get it going on the stove. I use vegetable broth and coconut oil.

Side note: I usually make the whole package because it works great for leftovers and Duke LOVES it. Seriously great, kid-friendly, mix! I usually mix in some avocado and sometimes I can even hide some broccoli in it. Sometimes.

Mix together the ingredients for the sauce in a small bowl.

In a medium sized bowl, toss the cauliflower with about half the sauce and place on a baking sheet. Roast for about 15 minutes.

While the cauliflower starts cooking, toss the asparagus with the remaining sauce.

After about 15 minutes, stir the cauliflower and add the asparagus to the baking sheet and roast for another 10 minutes.

TO SERVE:

Layer everything in a bowl!

If you like spicy, it tastes great with a bit of Sreracha on top.

ENJOY!

She selects wool and flax
   

 and works with eager hands.

She is like the merchant ships,
    

bringing her food from afar.

Proverbs 31:13,14

Dearest Matthew,

So far I’ve been writing to you about concepts and character. Things like trust and words and carefulness and goodness.

In this letter I want to veer off for just a bit and talk about some of the things a wise woman does to make a man’s life easier and better— that whole helping aspect of a woman.

As you well know, I believe that the Book of Beginnings— Genesis— sets the premise for the role of a wife in a man’s life. She is designed to fit into her husband’s vision and calling as a “help-mate” or a “corresponding” partner.

Unfortunately, teachers from generations past have tried to micro-manage the role of a wife and have often come up with a one-size-fits-all approach to what a wife ought to do. Many have drawn a picture of a June Cleaver-like woman, using Proverbs 31 as a structured pattern that every woman ought to follow precisely at every moment of her adult life until death gives her a break! In doing this, we have crafted the Perfect Wife.

And let me tell you, Matt, we women despise this Perfect Wife! We know we can’t possibly live up to her ever-industrious and at the same time always-nice perfection. The idea of accomplishing everything listed here and at the same time looking always beautiful and together and being nice and successful gives us nightmares. We want to run and hide or give up in despair.

But I don’t think that’s what Lemuel’s mother meant at all when she listed some of the doings of this woman. I think she was simply pointing out to her son how much a woman of worth could and would benefit his life as a leader in his kingdom. She was steering him away from a beautiful bimbo who would simply smile and look sexy but leave him without the help his life and career so desperately needed. She wanted him to know and recognize a woman who puts her intelligence and skills to work in order to sort of grease the wheels of his stress-filled life and make everything run better.

Titus 2 gives us a similar pattern. Older women are instructed to train younger women in the management skills necessary for the running of a household in real time. A woman who does this well is able to free up a man to pursue his career fervently while avoiding the train wreck that so often happens when home is neglected at the expense of career or ministry.

In our current culture that might take any number of forms, according to the unique gifting of the woman, and the unique needs of the man. One of your roles as a husband will be to “cherish” your wife (Ephesians 5:29). I think that means that you will set out to discover her gifts and strengths and help her to craft her role as your wife accordingly.

You help her to see and value who she is.

You celebrate her unique contribution to your life.

But here’s what to look for: a woman who is eager, who is surging forward with initiative and drive, a woman who delights in doing, who loves her role as helper, who is creative and innovative and confident that she can accomplish what is good and best for her family. The kind of woman who goes the extra mile instead of settling for the easiest thing.

Who does whatever she does well and beautifully, with eagerness and delight.

How will you know? Unless she is already running a household, how will you identify these traits, these doings in a woman while you are dating? Well, here’s my to-be-expected list…

1. Look at her space

By that I mean any place she has control over. Is it lovely? Has she created beauty? Are there indications of extra care, special touches?

2. Look at her work

Does she simply show up and do what is expected or is she the kind of woman who adds immeasurably to her work? Do you see her make everyone at work (both clients and coworkers) comfortable? Is she trying to help?

3. Look at her downtime

Is she creative? Does she learn and educate herself in what interests her? Does she have dreams and ideas?

4. Look at her self-care

Believe it or not, Matt, it takes a good deal of work for most women to look beautiful. There are few “natural beauties”. Most beautiful women have made the effort to cultivate their beauty. Is she clean and soft and developing a style that suits who she is? Does she match on the outside what she’s like on the inside?

5. Look at the way she gives.

Does she leave a trail of loveliness behind her? Gifts and cards beautifully thought through, acts of generosity and kindness on purpose, that little bit of extra help to anyone who is fortunate enough to be her friend?

Again, these are all traits I see in your sisters.

Tammy is an artist. She creates beauty in John Mark’s life, soothes the owies of her children and friends alike, finds something lovely to say every time I see her. Rebekah is the best gift-giver I’ve ever met. The Jetson’s DVD’s for Dad’s Father’s Day, a just right book of poetry and a picnic in the park for me, a whole luxurious house cleaning for her sister just because she had a little extra from all her hard work and she wanted her to know she’s there for her… And Elizabeth, who gives by cooking the good stuff and then taking all the time you need to listen well and answer wisely.

All of them, eager doers, givers, women who bring delight into the lives of those they love.  That’s the kind of girl to look for, Matthew. Because she’ll bring you more than a little help— she’ll bring you all that she is.

From my heart,

Mom

repost .03.23.11

For the past several weeks I have been getting a flood of questions about dealing with anger in our children. It seems that the more we look at this issue from a Biblical perspective, the more we need to relearn. Much of what we have learned apart from the Scriptures has to do with either suppressing or excusing anger in our children. Yet the Bible does neither. For the next few weeks we are going to take a look into the Word of God to examine the Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How of dealing with anger in our children… and ourselves. I would suggest that every mother/woman/parent take some time to look up the Scriptures quoted, perhaps writing them out on a 3x5 card, in order to readjust the way you think and feel and believe about the very real problem of anger.

Who:

No one can make you angry. Read that again. No one can make you angry. Angry reactions are always a choice. That is why over and over again in the Scriptures we read verses that implore us not to be angry. To stop it, to cease from anger and turn away from it.

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander

be put away from you, along with all malice.”

Ephesians 4:31

“Be angry and yet do not sin;

do not let the sun go down on your anger,

and do not give the devil an opportunity.”

Ephesians 4:26,27

If you do nothing else to train you child to deal with anger, please, please do this! Teach him that his anger is his responsibility. Period. By teaching him just this one thing, you are not only saving him from a whole lot of trouble as a result of his own anger, but you are also protecting him or her from the angry abuse of another.

Here are some Scriptures to look into:

Proverbs 29:11

Proverbs 19:18,19

Proverbs 22:24,25

Ecclesiastes 7:9

And remember, one of the most effective ways to teach this is when you blow it. When (notice, not if) you respond to you child in an angry way, be quick to apologize sincerely and without excuse. Here’s how that might sound:

“Honey, I am so sorry for raising my voice at you a moment ago. (Be specific) That was wrong of me to do. It is never okay for any of us to yell at each other or to treat each other with disrespect. I have confessed my anger to God and am really sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.”

Follow your confession by affection and then leave it alone. No, but you shouldn’t have… In most instances the misdeed of the child is going to have to be overlooked in light of your angry outburst lest you in some subtle way indicate that he caused your anger.

Like almost every other aspect of training your children in the ways of the Kingdom, this is going to take lots and lots of time. Be patient with yourself and with your child.

And remember… Philippians 1:6

“For I am confident of this very thing,

that He who began a good work in you

will perfect it

until the day of Christ Jesus.”

From my heart,

Diane

WEEK ONE

A couple of days ago I took four of my grandkids to the park. It was Jude’s idea initially, that one so full of ideas and possibilities and joy in relationship.

Why don’t we go to a new park together every week?

And then my little idea-man thought about it with twinkling eyes and added,

And we should go for ice cream too! A different place every week.

And so this last Monday I found myself with passel of kids at Ibach Park in Tualatin.

Three three-year-olds and one six year-going-on-thirty. And me.

And do you want to know what? It was the funnest day I’ve had in a long, long time.

I laughed so hard at their show-off antics, marveled at the pure joy of Duke’s running free and fast, stripping off his shirt when it got wet and in the way.

I giggled with Sunday as that girliest of girls played in the mud with her pink painted fingernails.

Watched Mo’s always-thinking face figure out how to get the trickle of water going in the direction he wanted it to flow.

And let Jude lead his troupes into another adventure.

And when I saw all those muddy hands— white and cream and olive and darkest brown— I could hardly catch my breath. These are mine!

My legacy.

My family.

Our day at the park may not be high impact in the scheme of things. I’ll never win a golden award for all the sand I washed down the bathroom sink. The likelihood of their even remembering the day is slim…

But it was my day to love and be loved. To revel in the Father who made us all- and likes the way He made us.

And you know, I just can’t think of a better way to spend my day.

From my heart,

Diane

And let the favor of the LORD our God be upon us:

and give permanence to the work of our hands;

yes, give permanence to the work of our hands.

Psalm 90:17

She brings him good, not harm all the days of her life.

NIV

She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

NASB

Proverbs 31:12

Dearest son,

Since beginning these letters I have received some heart-rending messages from readers. One in particular just won’t shake from my mind. It’s the anonymous comment left by a young man still living at home whose tears drip all over the page. Here is what he said:

I wish my mom loved me enough to write these sorts of letters. Too often is it that she’s yelling and criticizing me and my dad and we are hopeless for the future of our family…

Some one somewhere is dying inside. And in all her anguish she’s killing the very ones she loves the most. This mother/wife/woman is not using a gun or poison or any other visible weapon- she is using her words to wound.

And my heart won’t stop aching for her… and for her son… and for the husband who feels hopeless for what he cannot fix.

This is what King Lemuel’s mother is warning her son to watch out for in choosing a wife.

1. A woman who uses wounding, scarring, harmful words laced with the very essence of evil: criticism.
2. A woman who cannot be trusted because she’s poking and prodding and making a man feel less than he is just because he’s not what she wants him to be.
3. A woman who yells and screams at her family and then instead of repenting in humility, blames them for “making me mad”.
4. A woman whose words tear down instead of build up.

Matthew, I wish I could tell you that such a woman does not exist in your world of church and Christ-followers. And I wish I could tell you that any woman who claims to love God passionately and who worships Him beautifully could never, would never be this kind of destructive person in her home.

Instead, let me warn you to listen for those kinds of “unwholesome words” in the conversations and conflicts you have with a woman you are dating.

Do not ignore evil words.

Do not sweep snide comments under the carpet in the name of peace.

Do not pretend you didn’t hear the complaints muttered under her breath as she was walking away from the conversation.

Because the rest of your life is a long time when married to a woman who uses words to wound.

And because, my dear son, there is a beautiful, godly woman is waiting for you somewhere.

She is going to bring good and goodness, encouragement and courage, hope and help and so much fun into every day of your lives together.

She’ll see all your flaws and cover them over with her graciousness.

She’ll know what you meant when you said it all wrong.

She’ll see when she pushed too hard and back off in gentle submission.

She won’t be perfect, but she’ll apologize sincerely when ugliness slips out unplanned.

She’ll be nice.

And that kind of woman is worth waiting for.

From my heart,

Mom

repost from 4.10.2012

For the past several weeks I have been getting a flood of questions about dealing with anger in our children. It seems that the more we look at this issue from a Biblical perspective, the more we need to relearn. Much of what we have learned apart from the Scriptures has to do with either suppressing or excusing anger in our children. Yet the Bible does neither. For the next few weeks we are going to take a look into the Word of God to examine the Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How of dealing with anger in our children… and ourselves. I would suggest that every mother/woman/parent take some time to look up the Scriptures quoted, perhaps writing them out on a 3x5 card, in order to readjust the way you think and feel and believe about the very real problem of anger.

Why: Part 3

Your child is angry and you don’t know why. For the past 2 weeks we’ve been discussing trigger points- those hot buttons which, when pushed in just the right combination, lead almost inevitably to anger. Today I want to bring up that all-too-frequent problem of “temper tantrums” which the Bible terms as thumos, or explosive outbursts of anger.

Willfulness -

What we call a temper tantrum is really an all out demand:

“I want what I want and I want it now!”

When our youngest son, Matt was about 18 months old he started having temper tantrums. I’d already raised three kids through those supposedly terrible two’s so I felt like I had a handle on how to respond to these out-of-control outbursts of anger.

1. be consistent
2. no excuses- but avoid those circumstances that almost insure a scene
3. spank each and every time. (yes, I do believe that spanking is the most effective biblical means of disciplining a temper tantrum)

That’s how we’d handled these incidences in the past and it had worked remarkably well. I knew what to do and how to do it… or so I thought!

But Matt-man, as we called him back then, wrote the book on temper tantrums! He had them every single day- sometimes every hour. I mean, the knock-down-on-the-floor-out-of-control variety. Awful.

It was tempting to give up, to settle for less, to say, “Well, that’s just the way Matthew is… I’ll just do the best I can.”

But my husband wouldn’t let me. He insisted that we prayand planand work to eradicate every last vestige of temper that had lodged itself in Matthew’s character.

And do you know, looking back now at how hard that 18 month period of my life was, I am so thankful that we stuck with it. I am so glad that I limited my life for those months- and so glad that we spanked him so much!

Today, Matthew, the man, is one of the most peaceable people I know. He is not, as the Bible says, “easily angered”. When he is really pushed to the very limit of his patience, Matt deals with it with gentleness and acceptance. He has a strong spirit that he is able to keep under control with dignity and grace.

Here is the Word from God to burn into your mind and heart:

“Discipline your child

While there is hope

And do not desire his death.

A man of great anger will bear the penalty,

For if you rescue him,

You will only have to do it again.”

Proverbs 19:18,19

And someday you will be so glad you did!

From my heart,

Diane

  In a world full of cookbooks, blogs, magazines, apps and websites filled with new recipes... it can be overwhelming to keep track of all your favorites or to choose what sounds good.

My good friend Echo is a wife and a mama who creates beauty everywhere she goes. Her house is full of the perfect little touches to make it feel like home. Her two little girls are full of personality and each have their own unique style. And Echo herself is simply beautiful in every way.

She also loves to cook! I asked her to share a bit with us about where she finds inspirations and I'm sure you too will be inspired!

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

PINTEREST: by echo zielinski

I am sure most of you have heard of or are currently using (or like me, addicted to) Pinterest! If you are one of the few that have not jumped on the pinterest bandwagon, you are missing out! I know I know, there are so many social media outlets to try and keep up with it’s exhausting, but really, this one can really make your life easier and will leave you feeling more then a little bit inspired!

In short, Pinterest is an online inspiration board where you can “pin” a photo from any website you want along with a description. When you go to your pinterest page you will be able to quickly access all the inspiring things you have found.

I use pinterest as inspiration for decorating my home, planning parties and showers, remembering cute things I find for my two little girls, but most of all, pinterest has changed the way I find what it is I am going to cook.

I have countless recipe books that sit and collect dust and I have done my fair share of googling recipes. Both ways typically leave me uninspired and with a headache. I need a photo, a beautiful picture of the food that makes me drool and leaves me wanting to take a bite of its deliciousness right now!

This is where pinterest is really great! Literally, pictures pictures everywhere!

(here is a photo of what my pinterest page looks like)

There are a couple of ways to use Pinterest. One way is when you do find something on the Internet that you want to make, pin it (there are directions on pinterest as to how to get the “pin it” button on your bookmark tab which will make this possible)

I am going to show you how to pin a recipe from Tastespotting.com. This is a great website to find delicious recipes. Simply search for something you have in mind, or browse through the pages and you are sure to find many things deemed pin worthy. Lets say the 3 bean stew in the photo above looks like something you or your family would enjoy! Simply click on it, hit “pin it” from your bookmark page, click on the appropriate photo to go along with the recipe.

click on the photo of 3 bean stew

Then you choose whichever board you want to pin the recipe to, add a description, press pin it and boom! You have an amazing recipe saved to your virtual recipe book to access whenever your heart desires! (I personally love to pull up recipes later on my iPhone, yes ladies; there IS an app for that!)

Success! Who doesn’t love that word…

Another way to use pinterest is to re-pin your friends’ recipes that they pin or re-pin ones that you find when you click on the everything page. Confused yet? Don’t worry; it’s not as hard as it sounds!

 Above is my pinterest home page. It is where I can see all the pins my friends have made! As you can see, the lovely Sarah Nelson just pinned a recipe for Artichoke flatbread, Sounds good huh? Well, what are we waiting for, lets re-pin it!

You just run your cursor over the photo and when the re-pin button appears, you click it! and Pin it!

Lastly, you can click on the button that says everything on your homepage and it will take you to a general feed of what other people all over the world are pinning! Your recipes will not be limited to just the sites you know of and what your friends may pin. Nope, you have a whole world of pins at your fingertips!

I really hope these photos and steps have encouraged you to take the pinterest plunge and that you feel a bit more inspired today to cook something new!

Or if you are one of the many people who never make what you pin, hopefully this is a reminder that behind the photos lies an actual recipe that could be on your dinner table tonight!

And if you’re feeling real ambitious, you can re-decorate your home or sew a new skirt while you’re at it J

Most of all have fun and enjoy!

Lots of love and Happy Pinning,

Echo

You can find me on pinterest at http://pinterest.com/echoz/

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

(NIV)

The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain.

(NASB)

Her husband can trust her and she will greatly enrich his life.

(NLT)

Proverbs 31:11

Dear Matt,

On July 15^th, 1978, your dad and I stood in front of our friends and family to pledge the rest of our lives to each other. We made grand promises to be faithful, to love, and to honor forever.

While he held my hands in his, I felt just the slightest tremor go through your dad’s body. As if a moment of undeniable fear shook the length of who he was. And then he squeezed both my hands, fastened a joy-filled grin on his face, and held on tight.

And for the last 34 years he’s been hanging on tight, opening up his life to me, choosing to love me every day no matter what.

He trusts me.

I trust him.

We both trust God.

Completely.

Someday you will stand in front of an invited group of your friends and family to pledge the rest of your life to a woman. But before you make those promises, you must be absolutely certain that you have found a woman you can trust.

And by that I mean a woman in whom you can wisely place your confidence because you know she has your best interests at heart, and because you know she believes the best in you and will handle your heart with the greatest of care.

And so, knowing your penchant for lists, I’ve come up with…

5 WAYS TO FIND A WOMEN YOU CAN TRUST

#1 Take a long time to get to know her.

Just as a man presents his best self to a woman as he’s dating her, so a woman knows how to hide her less-than-lovely parts in order to attract the attention of a man. And yet, as I’ve said before, the purpose of dating is find out what a person is really like and then ask yourself the question, Can I live with that? Can I thrive with her?

That takes time. Lots of time. You’re going to need to see her when she’s tired, when she’s discouraged, when she’s stressed, when she’s mad.

When she’s not perfect.

Because nobody is, my son. And so you’re going to need to take an honest look at her flaws and at your capacity to love her just the way she is.

And you’re going to need to be realistic about her capacity to love you just the way you are- and to even like you when she sees those flaws.

 #2 Listen to your fears.

The Hebrew word, bāṭaḥ, translated trust here, “expresses that sense of well- being and security which results from having something or someone in whom to place confidence.” ^[1]

You need to be honest with yourself about how you feel in her presence. Can you trust her with your failures? Will she accept you as a man who is learning and growing, one who is being redeemed daily but who has not yet arrived? Does she get that?

Or is she “helping” God to fix what she doesn’t like about you? Making sure you know when you did wrong, what you should have done instead, what she surely would have done if she’d been in your shoes.

That will wear a man down faster than the worst kind of enemy.

Because, my dear son, every man needs and craves respect. And acceptance. And hope.

If you’re getting that nagging sense that you cannot trust her to think the best of you, listen to that fear because its not going to go away. 

#3 Look at her long-term relationships.

Do her friends blossom in her presence? Does she put people close to her at ease? Or do you get the sense that everyone around her is being ultra careful not to push her buttons or disappoint her?

How about her dad? Is she sassy or respectful?

What about her annoying little sister? Is she kind and considerate or rude and edgy?

#4 Observe her attitude towards others.

Watch especially closely how she responds to those in authority over her. Does she resent her boss? Is she always second-guessing people? Correcting them? Scolding?

The Scriptures unapologetically teach the loving authority of a husband over his wife. Has she learned how to do that when she doesn’t agree? 

#5 List what she likes about you.

I know, I know, I know, this point sounds egotistical. But the truth is, you need to marry someone who really likes you. A lot. And you need to know why she likes you. You need to know specifics; character qualities she notices, accomplishments she admires, strengths she observes.

While you are still dating you need to know what it is she sees in you and if she is able and willing to put herself out there to tell you.

Matt, it is no small thing to trust a woman. May God give you the wisdom and insight to see clearly.

And may He gift you with a woman who is so filled up with God that she can’t help but spill joy and hope and help onto you every day of your life.

From my heart,

Mom

Women, mothers, friends, girls, guys- do you have something to add?

Remember, we’re not talking perfection here, just that sense that a man’s heart is safe with such a woman.

I’d love to hear your take on this!

---

^[1] Harris, R. L., Harris, R. L., Archer, G. L., & Waltke, B. K. (1999). Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament (electronic ed.) (101). Chicago: Moody Press.

For the past several weeks I have been getting a flood of questions about dealing with anger in our children. It seems that the more we look at this issue from a Biblical perspective, the more we need to relearn. Much of what we have learned apart from the Scriptures has to do with either suppressing or excusing anger in our children. Yet the Bible does neither. For the next few weeks we are going to take a look into the Word of God to examine the Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How of dealing with anger in our children… and ourselves. I would suggest that every mother/woman/parent take some time to look up the Scriptures quoted, perhaps writing them out on a 3x5 card, in order to readjust the way you think and feel and believe about the very real problem of anger.

Why:

Last week we discussed 2 common triggers for anger in our children. Here is one more...

Stress

Let’s face it, we live in an immensely stress filled society. Our little one’s senses are inundated by sensorial stresses from flashing lights, blasting noise, captivating smells and overwhelming crowds. Add to that the pressure to be always on the go in order to “develop your child to their full potential” and our kids have more stress than they can handle.

There is one solution to all this stress- SLOW DOWN!

So many edgy, irritated children would benefit from more quiet and more order in their lives. Time to just play. To pretend. To run and jump unimpeded by adults telling them what to do and where to go.

Reduce the level of stress in your home as well. Turn off the T.V. except for special family times when you all cuddle up together in your p.j.’s to watch a favorite movie. Many children “come off” t.v. with pent up anger. Something about processing all that stimulation creates in these children an almost volcanic response. Our son, John Mark’s reaction after watching “innocent” cartoons was to turn around and bop his little sisters! As soon as the t.v. turned off, he’d almost always erupt in an uncontrollable frenzy which led inevitably to a melt down. When we finally caught on to the pattern and stopped using the t.v. as a babysitter, all that abrasive action settled down. Such a simple thing made such an enormous difference.

Look around your home as well. Is it neat and orderly? Do you have too many toys out at one time? There is an inherent serenity attached to order, which our children react to on some visceral level. And you know, it really only takes a couple of minutes to throw it all in boxes and close the closet door. Keep your home decently tidy and you might really see the level of anger settle down in your child.

Well, I’ve gone too long… I’ll include one more anger trigger next week and discuss the repercussions of temper tantrums that come with unchecked willfulness in children.

From my heart,

Diane

Look up these Scriptures to wrap your head around what God says about stress…

Psalm 23- notice how the Good Shepherd leads His people

Psalm 90:12- isn’t this what we’re trying to do in our child’s heart?

Psalm 37

Hebrews 4

  To me, Whole Foods is a little slice of heaven on earth.

Some women like to window shop and drool over beautiful clothes…

I prefer to peruse the isles of Whole Foods.

(Ok, I love clothes too but window-shopping is not really my thing… I like shopping to buy better)

Anyway… I love to stroll down the isles and dream of new meals to create and flavors to try.

Beyond just shopping there, they have some of the best lunch and dinner meals around. If you have not gone to their Marketplace for a meal, you really need to!

They have EVERYTHING. Mexican, Italian, Indian, Sushi… you name it, they have it and everything is delicious! I know that most of the store is pretty spendy (my husband calls it “Whole Paycheck”) but their meals are really quite reasonably priced.

One of my favorite things to eat there lately is their Teriyaki Salmon Bowls. I pretty much want one all day, everyday so it was time to attempt to make them at home.

Now if I can just convince my husband that he wants these everyday too…

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

GLUTEN FREE TERIYAKI SAUCE

INGREDIENTS:

1/4 C Bragg’s amino acids

3/4 C water

1 tsp minced ginger

2 tsp minced garlic

2 T brown sugar

1 T cornstarch

Couple of dashes of cayenne pepper

TO MAKE:

Heat in a saucepan over medium heat until it boils. Then reduce to a simmer until it thickens. Stir frequently.

GRILLED SALMON AND VEGGIE BOWLS

Adjust quantities according to how many you are serving

INGREDIENTS:

Chopped:

Bell Pepper

Cauliflower

Asparagus

Onion

Mushrooms

*any veggies work!

Thinly sliced salmon

Lemon juice

Olive oil

Minced garlic

Sea salt

Pepper

Cooked brown rice

TO MAKE:

Fire up the grill!

Place all chopped veggies in a large bowl and toss with olive oil, salt, pepper, and a scoop of minced garlic.

Cook them on the grill on a high heat until they brown up but still a bit crispy. We cook ours on a grill pan we got at Target and it works perfectly for any veggies

For the salmon, we usually buy the frozen Alaskan Salmon Fillets from Costco and those are really easy to slice in thin pieces. Toss them in a bowl with olive oil, lemon juice and dash of sea salt. Place them on the grill and watch them closely because they won’t take long to cook.

TO SERVE:

Layer brown rice, veggies, and salmon and drizzle the teriyaki sauce on top. Garnish with fresh basil and green onions for added flavor.

ENJOY!

(my dad in Haiti)

All my life I’ve watched my father take care of his health.

Every morning of my high school years I woke up to strange sounds coming from the room where my dad worked out. I’d round the corner bleary eyed from sleep to watch him do his Canadian Air force exercise routine.

Squats and jumping jacks and funny sliding motions against the wall.  He’d grunt his way through all sorts of sit ups— side ways, legs in the air, one arm, two.

(hiking in Yosemite)

Way past the age when most men seem glued to their leather recliner, my dad hiked and skied and backpacked with a group of friends in the wilderness of the Sierra Nevada’s. He ran 10k’s until just a couple of years ago when his hip finally wore out from the miles he pounded on asphalt paths.

(building his home in the mountains)

I expected him to live forever.

But a while ago he started coughing. A lot.

Turns out he has a dreadful disease that will slowly lock up his lungs, making it harder and harder to draw in that life giving oxygen he needs to stay strong and active.

But once again, my dad is doing it right.

And watching him, listening to the way he embraces life and just keeps plowing forward, fixing everything broken in his path…

(loving children in Haiti)

I feel like I’m learning life at the graduate level from the best.

Who knew that a daughter could learn about living while watching her father slowly ease towards dying?

Does every father teach like this?

Squeezing out all the life he can while he can in order to leave a legacy of hope to the next generation? 

Somehow I think my dad is just getting it right again.

And that’s why I plan to keep learning from him, and remembering what he taught by being who he is.

Happy Father’s Day Dad!

I love you,

Di

Things My Dad Did Right:

1. He taught me the importance of taking keeping our bodies fit so we could have fun doing outdoor things.
2. He taught me to never burden anyone by complaining.
3. He ate raw veggies before vegan was even a word.
4. He took me on hikes all over the Sierra Nevada’s.
5. He taught me to fix whatever I can and to leave the rest alone.
6. He’s teaching me how to live well right up until its time to die.

repost from 4.6.11

For the past several weeks I have been getting a flood of questions about dealing with anger in our children. It seems that the more we look at this issue from a Biblical perspective, the more we need to relearn. Much of what we have learned apart from the Scriptures has to do with either suppressing or excusing anger in our children. Yet the Bible does neither. For the next few weeks we are going to take a look into the Word of God to examine the Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How of dealing with anger in our children… and ourselves. I would suggest that every mother/woman/parent take some time to look up the Scriptures quoted, perhaps writing them out on a 3x5 card, in order to readjust the way you think and feel and believe about the very real problem of anger.

Why:

Sometimes we can trace our child’s anger to a certain trigger point, a hidden button somewhere lurking beneath the surface of a child’s heart which, when pushed just the right way, leads to angry outbursts. Now remember, no one can make anyone angry, it is each person’s responsibility to control their temper. Yet as a wise parent, we can watch for the underlying patterns in order to help our child overcome this sinful and destructive reaction.

Here are a few triggers the Scriptures make note of:

#1:Control

Some children (and some adults!) seem to need to try to control everything and everyone around them. That is not, in and of itself, a terribly bad quality. Our world is led by men and women who are not afraid to be out in front, leading the charge. But when that need for control leads a child to use anger as a means of the controlling people around him- watch out! It is our responsibility as parents to correct our children, teaching and training them how to use their leadership qualities wisely and well.

The problem with this trigger for anger is that it works! Friends, teachers, even parents, will often go out of their way to appease an angry child lest their anger develop into a full blown temper tantrum.

One of the reasons I am not a big fan of preschool is because the ages between 3 and 5 seem to be the optimal time for a mother to consistently teach her sons and daughters the intricacies of interpersonal relationships. While having a friend to your home to play for an afternoon, you can observe your child’s social behavior and gently correct negative patterns that emerge. By catching this tendency to use anger to control people early, you can often avoid confrontational clashes later with your child when the habit has been more fully formed.

#2:Frustration

Some children seem to be born with a quick fuse when it comes to obstacles in their path. Learning to tie their shoes can usher in hurricane force anger.

One day when my oldest son was 5 years old, we were sitting at the kitchen table while I helped him learn to write his letters. His frustration at not being able to write them “perfect” boiled over into a fit of all out rage. He threw his pencil across the kitchen, scrunched up the paper he had laboriously filled with marks, and let out a yell of unadulterated anger. Trying to calm him, I praised his letters, saying something motherly like, “But that’s a great M, you’re doing so well…”, to which he replied, “But its doesn’t look great to ME!” Ah, the pain of perfectionism.

After that outburst, I put away the pencils and didn’t allow the little guy to practice letters for a full 6 months. By that time his motor skills had matured remarkably and he was more able to produce the kind of letters his head told his hand to write.

You will need to help a child like this learn to patiently and persistently overcome obstacles by doing things with him. Sit beside him through those frustrations and be like a cheerleader encouraging him through the difficult process.

Do not allow him to take his anger out on people or property or he will be doing it for the rest of his life.

Look back here next week as we explore two more why’s of anger.

From my heart,

Diane

Some Scriptures to study:

Proverbs 16:21 (for your bossy controller)

James 1:19,20 (for moms and dads too!)

I Samuel 9-11 (study the life of Saul, a good leader whose anger ultimately drove him to insanity)

It’s funny how traditions form.

It seems the ones we try to start on purpose never stick and the ones that stick we don’t start on purpose.

Well “day off” pancakes have stuck at our house.

As I’ve mentioned before, we are oatmeal fans around here and we usually keep breakfast simple with a bowl of oatmeal and a green drink.

But when Brook’s day off comes around every Friday we are always in the mood for something fun. Sometimes we go out to breakfast but most weeks we make these pancakes.

They are quickly devoured by Duke (as he attempts to convince me that his two month old sister “needs” some too) and slowly savored by Brook and I.

We all know that feeling when we go out to breakfast and feel like we need a nap after grease filled eggs and hash browns and heavy “carb cakes” (aka pancakes) but I promise these won’t give you that sleepy sensation.

However…. I can’t promise that you won’t eat way to many in one sitting.

Not that I would know from experience or anything.

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

DAY OFF PANCAKES

makes: 8 medium pancakes

vegan, wheat free, dairy free

 

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 C oat flour (or 1 1/2 C whole wheat flour)
• 3 T cane sugar
• 1 1/2 t baking powder
• 1/4 t salt

• 1 1/2 C almond milk (I use unsweetened vanilla)
• 2 T ground flax seed - mixed with 6 T warm water
• 3 T coconut oil (melted a bit to make mixing easier)
• 1 T vanilla

TO MAKE:

Combine ground flax seed and water and let it sit for a few minutes. It will turn into a thick paste.

Combine dry ingredients and set aside.

Combine almond milk, coconut oil, vanilla and flax seed mixture. Add dry ingredients mixture and stir until combined.

Grease a non-stick pan or electric skillet (I use olive oil spray) and cook on medium heat. When they start to get bubbles on top, flip them over.

Note: due to the lack of gluten in them they can be tricky to flip… but no matter how they look, they will taste delicious!

TO SERVE:

The possibilities are endless!

Here are some ways we enjoy them:

• Earth Balance Butter
• Real Maple Syrup
• Natural Peanut Butter
• Bananas
• Shredded coconut
• Fresh Fruit

“A wife of noble character who can find?


    She is worth far more than rubies.”

-in letters to King Lemuel from his mother-

(Proverbs 31:10)

Dearest son,

Like the King’s mom, I am writing to you for a specific purpose: to paint a picture of the kind of woman you will want one day to be your wife.

And like Lemuel’s mother, I am assuming that you are actually looking, that you have rejected the laisez faire attitude I see so often in men. That uber-spiritual sounding stance that “God will provide and I don’t have to do anything but wait”.

Because I don’t believe that. In fact, I believe that it is the honor for a man to actively search for a noble woman to stand by his side and join her strength to his.

Apparently, Mrs. Lemuel felt the same. She recognizes that women of “noble character” are few and far between. Valuable and rare.

And that such women are worth finding.

Hayil, the Hebrew word translated in the NIV as “noble character”, is used throughout Scripture to depict a man or woman of strength, wealth, influence, might, and firm character.

A strong woman.

A woman like Rebekah.

And Elizabeth.

And Tammy.

Three strong women of vastly different personalities and gifts and interests who have set a standard for you of this kind of excellence.

Rebekah is extremely intelligent, she loves to learn and read and research and discover. Right now she is throwing all her skills and drive into making her husband a success. She believes in him passionately and is sacrificing her own interests to build their business around Steve’s gifts and calling.

Tammy is kind and steady, with a wealth of wisdom about people and relationships. Her intuitive insight into the souls of the people around her adds incredible strength to your brother’s ministry. And she is relentless in her loving on and caring for John Mark.

Elizabeth is a woman who does life with excellence. She doesn’t just cook, she researches and learns and creates, using fresh, healthy foods to both nurture and nourish her family. She pours her intelligence and drive into every aspect of motherhood and lavishes her beauty on her family.

Three women of strength… of noble character.

And so I’d like to leave you with a list in my own words.

What A Woman Of Strong And Noble Character Looks Like In Everyday Life.

1. A strong woman is trustworthy. (vs. 11)
2. A strong woman doesn’t feel compelled to dominate. (vs. 12)
3. A strong woman uses her gifts and time and talents to give to others. (vs. 12,13,20)
4. A strong woman goes the extra mile. (vs. 18)
5. A strong woman is always thinking ahead. (vs. 15,21)
6. A strong woman takes care of herself with confidence. (vs.22)
7. A strong woman is capable and smart and hard working. (vs. 24,27)
8. A strong woman is hopeful. (vs. 25)
9. A strong woman is wise and kind with her words. (vs.26)
10. 10. A strong woman is in awe of God. (vs. 30)

And may I offer you just one more word of advice?

Do not be afraid of strength in a woman. Because, Matt, you will need a woman of this kind of soul strength to catch the vision God is developing in your heart.

Yours is a big vision, one that you cannot do alone. Just like Steve’s and Brook’s and John Mark’s.

And as long as she “gets it” and is able to see how her own gifts and talents fit in with yours, she’ll add to your strength rather than compete for her own way.

And when you find her, dear son-of-mine, cherish her.

From my heart,

Mom

We are changing a few things up for the Summer and THE KITCHEN will now be posting on WEDNESDAYS.

See you Wednesday with a new recipe!

Elizabeth

Dr. Di’s Prescription For Tension Heart Head Aches

Lead me in the right path, O LORD,

Or my enemies will conquer me.

Tell me clearly what to do,

And show me which way to turn.

Psalm 5:8

I got there again this week:

… stressed out of my mind,

… anxious,

… uptight,

… overreacting,

… teary,

… needing to tackle piles looming like Mt. Everest,

… wanting to curl up and hide.

What is my problem? Why can’t I get this right? Will I ever learn?

Coming off the high of a staff retreat with Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs, I crashed just as soon as I walked in the door and stared at the pile on my desk. Just where I left it.

All week my soul responded to Sarah’s words… rest, soul-space, pace yourself.

And all week I wondered how.

Am I really too busy? Or am I simply thinking wrongly about how God views me and how I should see myself?

Should I work harder, stay up later, stuff the angst deeper, blame somebody?

Of course not. But that’s exactly the way I’ve been doing.

And so today I just asked God for wisdom. Again.

And He gave it. Again.

Here’s what I heard, dear friends of mine. And I have a suspicion that this is not just for me, so I swept the piles aside and wrote it down just in case you need it too.

1.    Do beauty

A woman’s soul craves beauty. And my soul was shriveling up, feeling dry and… ugly. So I went out and cut some flowers. Peonies, roses, Jacob’s Ladder, trailing ivy, a sprig of boxwood. Beauty. For me.

2.    Stop being so mean to yourself

I am my own worst enemy. I critique and criticize and berate myself endlessly. No wonder I fall apart if anyone so much as suggests I didn’t get it right! I know this… now I must discipline my thoughts and stop scolding myself. Geez.

3.    Have fun

Here’s my version of fun- curl up with a steaming pot of Marco Polo tea. Tuck a furry blanket around myself. Read something delicious… poetry, or Ann Voskamp or Wangerin or something that just makes me delight in God. Or a story.

If that sounds boring to you, do what you love. Shop, play, dip your toes in water, go to an art museum.

4.    Delve deep

Shake out that other side of my brain that loves to learn and dig just for the fun of it. Get lost in something interesting.

5.    Be quiet

Stop talking- to your girlfriend, to your mom, even to yourself. Shh!! Just listen. When I’m stressed I can’t hear His voice because I’m fussing so loud.

6.    Get real

Stop pretending that you’re fine. Be honest. Be transparent. Allow someone into your secret unhappiness. She’s probably been there before and might just whisk you off to an afternoon of rest that you’d never do alone.

7.    Go running

I am just amazed at how energizing to my brain a good short run is. And when I say run, I really mean jog. Get out in the fresh air and feel the stress slide off your shoulders. Everything just seems to fall into place- keep running until it does.

8.    En-courage

Give someone else a taste of hope. A word or a hug or an “I believe in you, you’re terrific” sort of email. Really, this one is like medicine to my soul. Maybe because its not all about me?!

9.    Make friends with a lefty

Today I am having coffee with one of the most organized, efficient, left brained women I know. She posted on her blog not long ago about her system of keeping all the balls rolling. I couldn’t understand a word she said but I caught a glimpse of something that sounded hopeful. If she can lasso all my right-brained messy creative thoughts into a coherent can-do accomplishment- well, here’s to hope.

10.    Get up early

Think these tasks through while I’m fresh and no one is calling or texting or Face booking or emailing or commenting or saying, “Hey mom, would you…”

11.     Smile

A grin on my face means I’m giving thanks. So simple. So right and godly and good. MUCH better than all these crazy ways we self-medicate!

12.    Touch

Hug, caress, hold, embrace, cuddle, rock. Be a woman with all the passion and affection that brings us alive. If I’m stiff and cold it’s because I’ve died. And I don’t want to be dead.

I look back at my words and am a little embarrassed. Shouldn’t I throw something incredibly profound in here? I mean really— smile? Pick peonies?

And what about my piles?

You know, they just don’t look so awfully high now. In fact after my tea and a few pages of a good book I think I might just go for it.

From my much more rested heart,

Diane

So my friends- how about you?

How are you managing all the things you’re supposed to be doing right now?

Have you figured out ways to simplify your life? Will you share those ideas with us?

I could use some really clear left-brained-organized ideas… as well as some reminders of what’s important and what just isn’t.