LETTERS TO MY SON: watch out for a woman who uses words to wound
She brings him good, not harm all the days of her life.
She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Since beginning these letters I have received some heart-rending messages from readers. One in particular just won’t shake from my mind. It’s the anonymous comment left by a young man still living at home whose tears drip all over the page. Here is what he said:
I wish my mom loved me enough to write these sorts of letters. Too often is it that she’s yelling and criticizing me and my dad and we are hopeless for the future of our family…
Some one somewhere is dying inside. And in all her anguish she’s killing the very ones she loves the most. This mother/wife/woman is not using a gun or poison or any other visible weapon- she is using her words to wound.
And my heart won’t stop aching for her… and for her son… and for the husband who feels hopeless for what he cannot fix.
This is what King Lemuel’s mother is warning her son to watch out for in choosing a wife.
- A woman who uses wounding, scarring, harmful words laced with the very essence of evil: criticism.
- A woman who cannot be trusted because she’s poking and prodding and making a man feel less than he is just because he’s not what she wants him to be.
- A woman who yells and screams at her family and then instead of repenting in humility, blames them for “making me mad”.
- A woman whose words tear down instead of build up.
Matthew, I wish I could tell you that such a woman does not exist in your world of church and Christ-followers. And I wish I could tell you that any woman who claims to love God passionately and who worships Him beautifully could never, would never be this kind of destructive person in her home.
Instead, let me warn you to listen for those kinds of “unwholesome words” in the conversations and conflicts you have with a woman you are dating.
Do not ignore evil words.
Do not sweep snide comments under the carpet in the name of peace.
Do not pretend you didn’t hear the complaints muttered under her breath as she was walking away from the conversation.
Because the rest of your life is a long time when married to a woman who uses words to wound.
And because, my dear son, there is a beautiful, godly woman is waiting for you somewhere.
She is going to bring good and goodness, encouragement and courage, hope and help and so much fun into every day of your lives together.
She’ll see all your flaws and cover them over with her graciousness.
She’ll know what you meant when you said it all wrong.
She’ll see when she pushed too hard and back off in gentle submission.
She won’t be perfect, but she’ll apologize sincerely when ugliness slips out unplanned.
She’ll be nice.
And that kind of woman is worth waiting for.
From my heart,