Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself,

and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:33

We sat circled around the table in the waning light. Seven of us leaning forward, listening as women do—nodding, questioning, wanting more.

We needed Sarah’s wisdom, relished her insights. Each of us craving answers to the questions that haunt us.

A moment caught up in intense honesty.

Many years ago, Sarah and her husband, Emmerson, rediscovered a truth long buried in the pages of Scripture. A truth too long ignored by teachers and discounted by readers of God’s Word. A truth they have dedicated their lives to helping the rest of us embrace for ourselves.

That truth is this:

God wired men to need respect like the air they breathe. And He made women to crave love with that same intensity.

And we knew that, all of us in this circle of sisters. Read the books, heard the wisdom, tried to remember how to say the words right.

All of us failing, confessing the flaws, looking sideways to see if anyone knew the depth of our own shame. Of the words we wish we could delete from our histories.

And then Sarah said the words: Why don’t we see this as sin?

Sin?

Not weakness? Not issues? Couldn’t we say simply that we all struggle with this?

Sin?

When I snap at my husband for not getting it right— that’s sin.

When I growl at him because he did it again— that’s sin.

Correct him about inconsequentials in front of wide-eyed little ones— it’s sin.

Deny him the passion his body craves— sin.

Sin.

We don’t like it, any of us.

We’re good girls. Committed wives. Partners with our husbands in ministry and life.

We don’t sin on purpose. We don’t want to. Try hard not to.

But we know she’s right. This is sin, this way we don’t give our husbands the respect they need.

The way we make it their fault. The way we must be right; in control. The way we insist they be what we want because that’s what we’ve heard they should be.

The way we make them less than men.

And I think its time we started talking about this, my dear girls. This need men have for respect and our way too frequent failure to give them the honor God commanded us to hold out to His warriors.

Will you join me in this conversation? Give us your wisdom? Be honest about the discoveries you’ve made the hard way?

I’ll be gathering up your comments and posting a list soon of ways we can show respect the men in our lives.

And another list of ways we communicate dishonor to the men in our lives.

If you haven’t read the book that Emmerson and Sarah wrote about their discovery, order it now. It’s called Love & Respect, The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs.

Honestly, this is the one book I think we cannot afford to do without.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. If you’re single and you want to know how this looks before you get married, Sarah’s daughter, Joy Eggerichs writes a fabulous blog called: love and respect now.

Over the years my kitchen drawers have mysteriously filled themselves with gadgets, tools, spatulas and a few things I have no idea how to use.

A minimalist at heart, I'm always trying to narrow my kitchen down to items that get frequent use. So when Leslie had the idea to share her favorite/most used items, I said "YES PLEASE"!

Now I need to have a garage sale. And go shopping.

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

PS: Will you share with all of us your favorite kitchen tools?

GIRLS LIKE TOOLS TOO: by leslie manning

Some girls have shoes and some girls have purses. Me? I have kitchen tools. This foodie, while at any stuff mart store, can be found in the kitchen section. My studio, aka my kitchen, is where I feel most creative. Here is a list of my fave kitchen tools beyond my beloved baking stone, handy food scale, classic cast iron pan and good kitchen knife. The following tools work hard to make my list and must be affordable. In fact, nothing is over $20 and only one is even close.

Microplane Zester Grater (40020)

This tool has changed my citrus life. I mostly use it for grating lemon and orange zest. I use zest in my baking, pasta salads, and over granola. I used to cut my hands up badly before I bought one. You can also use it for hard cheese. It’s super easy to clean and hasn’t dulled in the decade I’ve had it. (Amazon.com $12.95. Just so you know, 456 people gave this tool FIVE STARS, you will too!)

Mini Silicone Spatulas 

These tools get as much attention as my children. I use them several times a day. You can scrape jelly and peanut butter jars, yogurt containers, and get the last drop of maple syrup out of a measuring spoon. For the person in your life who has everything, you can even personalize them! (Amazon.com $6.22, not personalized or Williams Sonoma $14, personalized)

Mini Mesh Strainer 

This tool makes sugar fairy dust possible. It also makes me a gourmet cook in under ten seconds. What else can make these promises? I sprinkle fairy dust (or powdered sugar) over brownies, lemon bars, pancakes, waffles, and pretty much every moving food target. I also love this for sprinkling cocoa powder or cinnamon over whipped cream in lattes and cocoa. (New Seasons Market, $2.99)

Herb Snips

These are sometimes called herb scissors or herb shears. This is the number one tool I have that friends say, “That is SO cool! Where did you get that?” These make my herb life much easier. They have five blades, are razor sharp and chop herbs at hypersonic speeds. (The WEBstaurant, $6)

Oxo Good Grips Julienne Peeler

I snapped up the best dealio on this in the clearance area at Marshalls, about $3. My best use for it? Zucchini! (Quick recipe break: Make “noodles” out of the zucchini using this tool, add some sun-dried or fresh tomatoes, and toss with pesto.) For those who eat cheese, sprinkle some parmesan on top, amazingly easy! Who doesn’t love healthy and easy? (Amazon.com $8.99 or Bed, Bath & Beyond $9.99-use a 20% coupon and it’s cheaper than Amazon.)

Bamboo Toast Tongs 

Nobody wants to burn their fingers. May I make a confession? When a piece of toast or bagel gets stuck down in my toaster, I grab my bamboo tongs and reach down into the toaster abyss as if I’m playing the game Operation and try to get the small broken piece out without it buzzing and turning red like the game. Okay, my toaster doesn’t really buzz. Especially when you unplug it first. (Amazon.com, $3.46)

 Mini Serving Spatula 

I love this spatula! I have had it for years. It scoops brownies out of difficult pans and is just the right size for your cookies on a cookie sheet. The following is a true story. Not being of sound mind and body, I brought this spatula to a potluck as a serving utensil. When I went to pick it up after the potluck, the unthinkable happened. It. Was. Missing. I guess I was a bit...let’s call it “frenzied”...because everyone thought I had lost my daughter. Oops! No, just the spatula. My spatula. It had fallen on the ground. Found her!  I mean, found it! (The Pampered Chef, $5.50) 

Silpat Non-Stick Baking Mat

Another item I use almost every day. Think of it as a green alternative to parchment paper which is usually used once and thrown away. Bonus: it’s easy to clean too. I reheat pizza on it, bake cookies, scones, and toast nuts on it. I use a perforated cookie sheet underneath it for even baking. (Amazon.com, $19.83)

Thanks for letting me share my fave kitchen toys. If you have another use for one of the tools I mentioned, or if you have a favorite tool that I didn’t mention, we definitely want to hear from you. Happy creating!

Leslie

repost from 2.18.11

“…Love never fails…”

I Corinthians 13:8

Something horrible happened to me the other day, and it was my fault.

Like I do with lots of people every Sunday, I introduced myself to a woman who stood waiting near the front. Nothing remarkable about her. Brownish hair, smallish frame, an ordinary woman on an ordinary day in the midst of ordinariness.

She looked at me a little odd.

I chattered on about the weather, the cold, how long had she been going to Solid Rock? Ordinary stuff.

Her lip started to quiver just a tad- no drama, just a barely perceptible hint of hurt. Her eyes filled.

Worried, but still basically clueless, I asked for her name and told her mine, holding out my hand, being all nice… and normal.

That’s when she finally fell apart.

And that’s when I finally saw her.

Just two weeks before, this ordinary woman had taken extraordinary risk and opened her hidden hurts to me. Real hurts about bad things. Pain unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. Raw suffering.

I’d taken her into my arms and prayed for her… walked away with the promise to pray some more. Then trotted off into my ordinary world with ordinary pressures and promptly forgot.

How could I do that? What does that say about me? Don’t I care?

Over and over I’ve berated myself for that day. Hoping to hear the Father excuse me. Wanting Him to cover my callousness with nice words like, “How can you expect to remember everyone you meet? With all these people crowding this place, no one can be friends with every one. At least you try.”

But all I hear is the echo of her loneliness.

The truth is I don’t really love her. Not enough.

If it had been my sister pouring her story into my lap, I’d have hung on every word…prayed every day… searched for words from the Word to bring her hope and courage and truth.

Instead I forgot. I moved on. Another troubled soul in a world of wounded women. Ordinary.

The truth is my love is really thin. Meager. Miserly. Sometimes it doesn’t last longer than an after-church conversation and a quick prayer.

I say I love. I want to love. I even feel love.

But…love doesn’t forget the sorrows of a woman weeping in my arms.

Love doesn’t just step over someone’s wreckage and move seamlessly into ordinary. Not real love. Not Jesus love. Not the kind of love that hung on a Cross and bled for that woman.

And so today, instead of berating, I confess it. Out loud. With all of you listening in, I admit that I am a failed lover. My heart is still, after all these years of listening, not even close to being like His.

And there’s not a thing I can do about it. I know full well that I can’t make it a goal or cross it off a list or drum it up or name it and claim it and call it my own.

But He can. And now that I know what He knows, I can let Him. Because He has this crazy way of making me like Himself just when I get a glimpse of who I really am.

Its called love… wild, beautiful, stick-to-it, passionate love that changes me into someone who actually, really, honestly loves back. And who never forgets again.

From my heart,

Diane

Is He teaching you something similar?

8 Scary Things We Women Do…

when we think we need a man to make us happy.

Dear son,

A couple of letters back, I began to warn you to be alert and aware of the kind of woman who has the potential to sap you of your God-given and much needed strength. I let you know how close I came to being that kind of wife to your dad. And how he took me by the hand and helped me to know that only in utter dependence on God would I ever have the hole in my soul filled full.

Because even though I was honestly seeking God with all my heart, I still thought that being married to a godly man would make me feel forever loved and happy and fulfilled.

I think most women think that deep down. And it’s wrong.  It doesn’t work that way, not even a little. And it’s not supposed to. No man can satisfy a woman in those deepest places of her restless heart. Only God can do that— and for most of us women it takes a lifetime to figure out how that really works.

Now that I’ve scared you half to death, let me offer just a couple of words of practical description to help you recognize and avoid a needy woman. Remember, I’m describing who I once was, who I fight not to be even now.

#1  A man-needing woman will need more of you than you have to give.

#2  A man-needing woman will insinuate that you are not “there for her enough”.

#3  A man-needing woman will put you on the defensive- a lot.

#4  A man-needing woman will use her sensuality to bind you to her.

#5  A man-needing woman will often give in to intense expressions of emotion, requiring excessive      amounts of assurance from you.

#6  A man-needing woman will want you all to herself all of the time.

#7  A man-needing woman will generate a great deal of conflict.

#8  A man-needing woman will argue that you need to help her more rather than seeing her calling to be your help.

Please notice, my son, that a man-needing woman is not a bad woman. She may be beautiful and gentle and sweet and sitting in the front row with her Bible open at every gathering.

But until a woman figures out for herself that men are not meant to fulfill her craving need for more, and that only a close and intimate and dependent connection with God can fill that craving, she’ll be a strength sapper.

And you, my dear son, need every ounce of your hayil to do what God is calling you to do and to do it with the “vigor” (vs. 3) of a king.

From my heart,

Mom

Dear girls,

Don’t hate me! I get it, I really do. Yet I also know that the truth is what sets us free from ourselves.

So let’s be honest with each other, confess our weaknesses to each other, and go after all that God has waiting for us if we’ll only ask.

So… comments anyone? Do you see this in yourself?

Go ahead and make up a “pen name” for this one if you want… no need to completely terrify our guys!

Somehow I think if you’ll be honest here you’ll give all of us the courage to keep learning.

From my heart for you,

Diane

When I use to think of almonds, cashews, peanuts, etc; words like trail mix, high fat, and severe allergic reactions came to mind.

Never did I imagine the endless possibilities they contain or the nutritional benefits they hold.

Sauces, creams, crusts, desserts, flours, bars... the list goes on and on and on again.

Cashews are currently my favorite to use for creams and sauces and I shared my favorite Cashew Pesto with you a few weeks ago.

Today's recipe is a basic cashew cream that can be used in place of cheese in just about anything. I actually prefer it to cheese any day!

Here are a few ideas:

• on pizza instead of cheese (see recipe below)
• in tacos
• drizzled over veggies
• in enchiladas instead of cheese
• as a dipping sauce for veggies
• as a sauce for pasta
• whatever else sounds good!

You can also add whatever you like to this recipe to fit your tastes and what you are serving it with.

Add ins:

• For tacos: add some cilantro and lime juice
• For pizza: add fresh basil
• For pasta: add garlic cloves or garlic powder
• For something spicy: add a few dashes of cayenne pepper

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

BASIC CASHEW CREAM

INGREDIENTS:

1 C raw cashews

1/2 C + 1 T water

1 T nutritional yeast (if you have never used this before, it can be found in the bulk section at Winco, Whole Foods and New Seasons. It has a cheese like flavor and even smells like cheese!)

1/4 t sea salt

dash or two of nutmeg (I know it sounds weird but it really does add a nice nutty flavor without overpowering it)

TO MAKE:

Simply put everything in a high speed blender or food proccesor and blend until smooth.

We used this on our pizza for dinner tonight and here is an example of how to use it:

Bake your crust for about 6 minutes before adding toppings.

Layer pizza sauce, then cashew cream, then any other toppings you like and bake for 15 more minutes or until crust begins to brown.

ENJOY!

(my daughters Elizabeth and Rebekah and I)

I am a mom. And I am a daughter.

When I was watching my body swell with the miracle of my firstborn three decades or so ago, I knew I wanted to do some things differently with my children than my own mother had.

Something inside of me needed to prove to all the watching world that I was not my mom. That I was me. And that in being me I could be a better mother than mine had been.

(my granddaughter Scarlet and I)

I was wrong.

Because, you see, in rejecting so much of my mom I  gave my children just me. And I wasn’t enough for them. I didn’t have all that they needed. And I made so many mistakes in the process of trying to prove something that wasn’t right.

And to be honest with you, I hurt my mom by failing to value who she was.

The truth I see now is that my mom is an amazing woman. Her own mother was nice and sweet and gentle and not very involved in her life. They didn’t talk about important things, she never said no or be careful or maybe you shouldn’t go there or do that. And that messed my mom up a bit.

(my mom and Scarlet)

And so my mom determined to raise us differently. She talked to me. Told me things I didn’t want to hear, warning her head-in-the-clouds daughter that life is not a fairy tale and I’d better watch out.

And she did stuff with us. She was the den mother and the chaperone and the driver of the car on trips to the beach. Everybody hung out at our house because she always had homemade cookies and enough food to feed the crowd. And she was fun.

And now you’re wondering what in the world I would reject about that?

I know.

I would saved all of us a whole lot of trouble if I’d simply made a few adjustments to allow myself to be me while still listening to mom.

My mother and I are friends now. Two women on polar opposite ends of the personality spectrum, we work hard to get along, to value each other, to give each other space to be who we are. It’s not always easy and it doesn’t always work as well as we’d like, but we’re trying.

I’ve put together a list of things I have discovered in this process of becoming friends with my mother that I hope will help you with yours.

(my granddaughter Sunday and daughter-in-law Tammy)

I realize that there are some really mean and hurtful mothers out there who have caused immense pain. And I know that some of you will never be able to actually call your mom your friend.

But we can all try, can’t we?

And we can all take responsibility for our own responses.

You can be gracious and lovely and strong and nice back. No one can take that away from you.

And so with Mother’s Day just behind us and my mom visiting this week, here are…

SIX WAYS TO FIX WHAT IS BROKEN BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR MOM:

1.    Accept her

This is what I failed to do for a long time. Instead of loving who she was, I poked and critiqued and compared.

What arrogance!

And what a waste.

When I finally began to let her be who she is, I began to see how great she really is and has been all along. She is incredibly organized and disciplined and smart and giving and open and fun. I really like her- imagine that!

2.    Forgive her

Holding a grudge against your mother is pointless and harmful and unwise and unproductive. You saw her at her worst. And your kids will see enough of you in their lifetimes to figure out everything wrong with you too. Set yourself free from all that pain she caused you before you end up dumping it all over your own children.

3.    Learn from her mistakes

Be honest with yourself about what she did wrong. Then choose differently. You don’t have to make a show about it like I did all those years ago. In fact, I’m inviting my daughters a little further into my story to allow them to build on my mistakes. There are things I’d do differently if I had a chance and I’m talking about some of those things with my girls.

A little humbling? Yeah, but amazingly liberating at the same time.

4.    Be grateful

It’s so easy to criticize your mom. To take potshots at her way of doing everything from laundry to love. What if instead we decided to start listing every memory we have that we’re grateful for? What if we stopped comparing her to The Perfect Mom and chose to value her instead?

5.    Show it

Every mother lives with a certain amount of shame. We remember every time we yelled, or were cross, or didn’t do enough. Some mothers harden up to put that pain into an untouchable vault, denying any wrongdoing ever. Others get all needy, sucking their children of every last vestige of affirmation available.

When my children point out something they value about me I hold those words close inside and relish every syllable. Its not thanks we need so much as recognition of who we are as women. And it’s my own children who have uncovered this need. They are generous with their words to me. And it’s making me see that I’ve been stingy with my mom.

6.    Know when to speak up

Sometimes a mother has hurt her children so deeply that it becomes impossible to overlook those flaws.  And sometimes a mother continues to hurt her adult children with her unedited words or unaccounted for actions. That’s when we’ve got to gather every last vestige of courage, risk the relationship, and obey the Scriptural injunction in Ephesians 4:25 to “Speak the truth in love”. The actual Greek wording is something like “Speak! Speak! that truth in a loving way.”

My advice to any daughter considering such a step would be to seek out godly counsel before going there. We’re such emotionally intense creatures- especially when it comes to relationships, that we would be wise to allow someone else to weigh in on our plan. After all, mothers get their hearts hurt too and most of the bad stuff can really be overlooked.

May this One who craves connection with us clear the way for you to have close and loving connection with your own mothers and daughters and sons in the year to come.

And may He give you the courage to do the hard work of learning how.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. Thanks, Mom, for allowing me to be who I am. Love, Di

TWO KINDS OF WOMEN:

GOD-NEEDING

OR

MAN-NEEDING

Dear Matthew,

There are, I have come to see, two kinds of women: God-needing women and man-needing women.

God-needing women are women who are learning and growing and practicing what it looks like in everyday life to “hope in God” (see I Peter 3:5). They’re not perfect, not by a long shot. But they’ve figured out that only God can satisfy the craving in their hearts for more. And they’re pursuing Him actively and purposefully, gaining wisdom and knowledge and intimacy with God.

These women intentionally reject the notion that a man will make them happy. Instead, they look to God for all that He has to say about happiness and joy and serving and giving out of the overflow of a heart that belongs wholly to Him.

That’s the kind of woman I pray you find when the time is right.

Man-needing women are pursuing men.

They’re sure that a man will quench their raging thirst for affirmation and affection. The right man, they dream, will sweep them off their feet and carry them away to a world of beauty and romance and love, love, love.

And they’ll drain you of every last drop of your hayil in their frantic attempt to find what they crave.

Now, let me tell you the real truth about me.

When I married your dad I was just 19 years old. I had grand dreams of being a godly women, wanted with all my heart to serve Him and honor Him. I knew I was marrying a godly man and I loved everything about the life he offered me. With my head in the clouds, I imagined that being married to a leader would offer me security and a place in this world. It would be like being at church 24/7. All happiness and singing praises and satisfaction at the deepest level.

I was wrong.

In reality it felt like the church wanted everything from Phil and I was supposed to be chipper and happy and smiling and nice all the time.

But I was lonely.

And needy.

And not happy.

Somehow we survived that tumultuous first year of adjustments and my unrealistic expectations and I began to realize that my good and godly and loving and romantic leader of a husband would never fulfill me.

In fact, the deeper I delved into Scripture, the more it dawned on me that it was not his job to fulfill me!

Yet that yawning hole inside my soul beckoned to be filled. With your dad’s wise guidance and many hours spent with godly older women, I began to understand that my desperate neediness was meant to drive me into an intimate and satisfying relationship with Jesus. And that He alone could fill those empty places.

But, Matt, it wasn’t a pretty process.

And that’s why I want to warn you away from women who erroneously believe that a man— any man— even you, will make them happy.

With Lemuel’s mom, I want to warn you away from such a woman- a woman like I once was. Because the truth is, I was sucking the life out of my husband, trying to grab all his strength and vitality and attention for me.

And you know the rest of my story.

How God let me get to a place of deep surrender and how He has been filling me and feeding me and satisfying me all these years— not by my good and godly husband, nor through my super-smart-absolutely-perfect children, but just in Himself.

Lemuel's mother cries out for her son to listen! listen! listen!

She knows that the wrong woman will ruin the king. The word there in Hebrew means to “wipe out”. And that is exactly what can happen if a leader marries a man-needing woman.

And it is almost what happened to your father— because of me.

Next week, I’m going to write out another one of those lists for you. I know how men think in tangible, identifiable terms. But for now, just listen, my son.

Don’t be fooled by the giddy idealism of a girl who thinks you will sweep into her life and carry her away on your gleaming white horse and make life perfect.

You can’t.

What you can do is invite a woman whose heart is filled with God to join you in serving Him. You can offer her the breathtaking adventure of following at whatever the cost. You can point her to the security that can only be found in Him. You can point her to the Cross, and all the life that dying to self offers to everyone who chooses His way.

I love you, son. And I’m praying that you will have the discernment to know the difference between a woman who needs God and a woman who needs a man.

From my heart,

Mom

To the women who are reading this:

Can you offer some practical pictures of what a God-needing woman does with all that desire for more?

Would you help me explain what it looks like when a well-meaning woman thinks a man might fill that emptiness?

 After all, I’m thinking there must be a whole lot of women like me who are learning the hard way how to find all our hope in God.

“What, O my son?

And What, O son of my womb?

And what O son of my vows?

Do not give your strength to women,

Or your ways to that which destroys kings.”

Proverbs 31:2,30

 Dear Matthew,

Before I launch in to a list of qualities to look for in a good and godly wife, I want to take a moment to reiterate the warning King Lemuel’s mom gives at the beginning of her own letter to her son.

First of all, her son is a man, not a boy when she pours out her heart to him. Like you, Lemuel was a leader of men. He had authority and influence. And with that position of leadership, he had obligations.

And so do you.

Years and years ago, while you were just a boy, you sensed God’s calling to spiritual leadership. With ironclad determination you have pursued the preparations necessary to equip you for that kind of leadership. You know where you are going and what you need to get there.

You are a rarity.

So many men your age have no idea where they are going or why they are doing what they got up this morning to do. Few are the men who have listened to God’s voice and direction for their lives. Fewer still are the men who have mapped out how to get where God is directing them to go.

As your mom, I have watched and pondered and wondered at this rare and wonderful guidance from God.

And, as your mom, it scares me to my knees.

I have labored for you in prayer. Like the writer of this letter, I have seen God intervene and answer my prayers in the midst of battles and distractions and temptations. And yet I know that you are a threat to the Satan, that enemy whose sole aim is to destroy what God wants to do.

And so, with Mama Lemuel, I want to pause to warn you to keep a strong guard around yourself lest you forfeit your right to a position of leadership in this Kingdom of God on earth.

Because it doesn’t take much to be knocked out of the race. 

Lemuel’s mother used a fascinating word to warn her son about a wasted life.

Hayil, translated strength in the NIV, is a vastly important word that has to do with physical strength as well as wealth and ability and dignity. It is a word that encompasses noble character and special abilities.

Do not spend or use up or waste your hayil on women, she warns— and this from a woman! She’s warning her son that we, of the tribe of Eve, can and often are voracious eaters of men!

And Matt, I just want to chime in and agree. When you’re reading these letters over the next few months, please listen with the realization that the wrong kind of woman can sap your strength, steal your hayil, and rob you of your God-given calling.

The stakes are high, my son. And the temptation is great.

May God give you the wisdom and the patience to wait for a woman who will add to your strength rather than take more than you have.

From my heart,

Mom

Come back tomorrow to learn about… Two Kinds Of Women.

To the women who are reading this:

Please be patient with me as I attempt to describe to my son (and all the sons who read these words) what a godly woman looks like. And if you have any pieces of wisdom to add, please do! I welcome your input into Matt’s learning.

(source)

The sun is shinning. The days are slowing getting warmer and longer. The season of berry cobblers and fresh apple crisps is right around the corner and I have a recipe to get you as excited as I am about it!

(I know apples are more of a late summer/fall fruit but, like I said, I’m a little excited.)

I have always LOVED apple crisp but have been deprived for years due to the fact that it contains copious amount of butter… not to mention the flour… both of which my body doesn’t seem to like much.

After years of deprivation (do you feel sorry for me yet?), I decided to take matters into my own hands and attempt an apple crisp that I could eat and not pay for it later.

It’s a crowd pleaser in our house and I hope you enjoy it as well!

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

What are some the recipes your are looking forward to this summer?

MAPLE APPLE CRISP

INGREDIENTS:

• 5 heaping cups granny smith apples (4-5 apples), pealed and chopped into small chunks or slices
• 1 T lemon juice
• 1 T real vanilla
• ¼ C real maple syrup
• 1 T cinnamon

• ¾ C oat flour (whole wheat flour works too but I think the oat flour makes it moister and tastier)
• ¾ C slow cooking oats
• 1 C organic brown sugar
• 5 T Earth Balance butter (or real butter)

TO MAKE:

Mix apples, lemon juice, vanilla, maple syrup, and cinnamon all together and place in a medium or large baking pan.

Combine flour, oats, brown sugar and butter using a pastry knife or fork until butter is in small chunks and ingredients are combined.

Pour topping over apple mixture and bake at 350 for about 50 min. Check it at that point and see if the top is starting to brown and apples are very soft, it may need a bit more time.

*The key is cooking it long enough for everything to get soft enough to melt in your mouth!

 

TO SERVE:

Enjoy with vanilla ice cream, coconut milk ice cream or pumpkin ice cream!

 

We tested out our ice cream maker we got for Christmas and made some coconut milk ice cream and it did not disappoint!

OTHER VARIATIONS: 

• You can use a pie crust (I think the store bought ones are the best!) on the bottom and then follow the same instructions if you want it to be more pie like
• It is also delicious with real caramel syrup drizzled on top!

[print_this]

MAPLE APPLE CRISP

INGREDIENTS:

• 5 heaping cups granny smith apples (4-5 apples), pealed and chopped into small chunks or slices
• 1 T lemon juice
• 1 T real vanilla
• ¼ C real maple syrup
• 1 T cinnamon

• ¾ C oat flour (whole wheat flour works too but I think the oat flour makes it moister and tastier)
• ¾ C slow cooking oats
• 1 C organic brown sugar
• 5 T Earth Balance butter (or real butter)

TO MAKE:

Mix apples, lemon juice, vanilla, maple syrup, and cinnamon all together and place in a medium or large baking pan.

Combine flour, oats, brown sugar and butter using a pastry knife or fork until butter is in small chunks and ingredients are combined.

Pour topping over apple mixture and bake at 350 for about 50 min. Check it at that point and see if the top is starting to brown and apples are very soft, it may need a bit more time.

*The key is cooking it long enough for everything to get soft enough to melt in your mouth!

TO SERVE:

Enjoy with vanilla ice cream, coconut milk ice cream or pumpkin ice cream!

OTHER VARIATIONS:

• You can use a pie crust (I think the store bought ones are the best!) on the bottom and then follow the same instructions if you want it to be more pie like
• It is also delicious with real caramel syrup drizzled on top!

[/print_this]

 It’s just past Mother’s Day. 

You’ve smiled and said your thanks and all is well.

But somewhere lurking just beneath the surface of your smile is that nagging wondering if all is really as well as you want it to be. And maybe it is— maybe everything is good between you and your kids or you and your mom.

But for a lot of moms it’s not.

Words were said. Awful words.

Or maybe worse— no words, just the sullen silence of rejection.

For the past few days we’ve been talking about fixing those broken places between us. Or at least trying to.

Trying God’s way, with the wisdom promised in His Word. Searching for how, begging for the strength to do it well, for the grace to push past all the pain and all the excuses and just do the right thing.

Today I just want to add a few words about fixing things with your grown sons.

Men are such a different breed. They look and smell and talk and think like aliens from Mars or Venus or wherever they’re supposed to have originated.

I know, I have two of them!

John Mark is my firstborn. I heaped all my perfectionist angst all over that poor guy from the moment he was born. Every ounce of my idealistic nature got aimed at John Mark. Before he was born I had it down— knew exactly what to do and how to do it. I would raise the perfect man.

Only I didn’t factor in all my own faults and flaws. And all the stuff I didn’t know. Or my blind spots or prejudices of just plain wrongness about things I was so sure I was right about.

I am so sorry John Mark. And so amazed that you love me still!

Matthew is my baby. Born with two sisters and nearly 12 years between them, my boys grew up with two different versions of me. The way-too-uptight version and the way-too-loosey-goosey version.

Except for a few years of horrific temper tantrums when he was really young, Matt has been just so easy to spoil.

He asks nice. With a smile and a hug and I-love-you-Mom, you’re-the-best.

How in the world do I say “no” to that?

Sometimes I have expected less than I should have and then doubted him and nagged and suggested and basically pestered my will on him. Enough to drive a guy crazy.

I am so sorry Matthew. And so amazed that you love me still!

But I’ve learned some things with all these mistakes I’ve made and all this grace my men have given back to me. And so I offer you…

FIVE WAYS TO FIX WHAT IS BROKEN…

between you and your son

1.  Respect him (Proverbs 21:9, Ephesians 5:33 for wives, but so wise for moms)

Men crave respect. They need it, thirst for it, feel broken without it. Your boy who grew into a man needs your respect. As his mother you hold incredible power over his vision of his value. If you respect him— you who know his history and his flaws and weaknesses, then he must be a man. Right?

Mothers have an opportunity to be the first to view their sons through the lenses of honor. But if you keep doubting him, keep nagging and poking and laughing at his less-than-perfect attempts at manhood, then you’ll hurt him deeply, Mom. Be very, very careful.

2.  Admire him (Proverbs 23:24,25)

Respect and admiration are not the same thing. Respect has to do with how you talk to him… how you treat him, how you respond. Admiration has to do with what you say. To admire someone is to notice him. To take a good long look at who he has become and then to pick out all the good parts and trumpet your discoveries loud and wide.

Admiration means doing your homework. Because somewhere between boyhood and manhood he took on some qualities and gifts and abilities that you might not know about.

What is he good at? What do other people think about him? Why do his friends like him? How about his kids?

Have you told him what you see? A lot?

3.  Ask his advice (Proverbs 26:12)

Your son knows some stuff that will and could and should help you live your life better. The ultimate show of respect and admiration from a mom is to ask for his advice. When you do that you are recognizing that he is a man now. A man worth listening to.

You don’t have to know it all anymore, moms. (And I’m preaching to me here…)

4.  Don’t need him (Genesis 2:24, Proverbs 25:6,7)

There is this weird tendency with us moms to think that after all we did for our children, they owe us.

WRONG.

And especially wrong for our sons. We raised our boys to be warriors and now they’re off fighting the battles in front of them. Earning a living, caring for a family, paying off debts, wrangling with customers and critics and who-knows-what-else-because-they’re-probably-not-going-to-tell-you!

Let’s challenge each other to be the one person in their circle of relationships that doesn’t need anything from them. Not a birthday card, not a phone call, not time or attention. If you get those things, great! But set your sons free to fight their battles like men, unencumbered by a needy mother.

5.  Don’t ever come between him and his wife (Genesis 2:24, Ephesians 4:29-32)

Which means…DO NOT EVER CRITICISE HER!!!

Ever.

Do not infer, do not hint, do not smirk, do not sympathize. She is perfect and you love her. No matter what.

Now that’s easy for me to say. I happen to have the only honestly perfect daughter-in-law around. I loved her from the moment she poked her head out of the tent at my fortieth birthday party-camping trip.

And she loves me. I hear it and feel it and know it.

I wish everyone had a daughter-in-law like Tammy. And even as I write, I’m praying for whoever happens to be Matthew’s wife someday… please, please, please like me!

It might be a good idea for you to go over last weeks post with your son in mind.

Do you need to apologize? Most relationships need some clearing of the air to set things right again.

Relationships with our sons are not nearly so complicated as with our daughters. But they still take work. And a determination to do things well and wisely.

May you listen to what the Father is telling you and chose the way of redemption,

From my heart,

Diane

If you’ve got a story of God bringing your son back… or a story of a son who has graced you as mine have me, please tell us. These are the kinds of stories that give us hope.

Next Thursday… Redeeming What is Broken Between You And Your Mom

Dear Matt, In my last letter to you I wrote about words. I wanted you to get a glimpse into the minds of women in general before I started to get specific about the kind of woman I think may be best suited to come alongside you.

And women are all about words.

Men have the opportunity to help both women who talk too much and women who can’t seem to coherently spit it out by leading with words.

You, my dear son, were born talking. I remember sitting beside you as I taught you how to read, amazed that you could learn with your mouth wide open and working furiously! You learned to read by talking!

You have a constant need to communicate and you have a compelling need to be communicated with. Just like your dad.

So I want you to take a look at how your dad led me instead of rejecting me because I wasn’t very good at this whole talking/contributing/asking/answering thing that makes up communication. Because the woman you’re hoping and praying for might not be good at talking like you are. But that doesn’t mean she can’t learn with a little help from a good man leading.

HOW TO LEAD A WOMAN WITH WORDS

1.  Look her in the eye.

A woman’s eyes will tell you massive amounts of information about who she is and what she’s feeling at any given moment. Is she nervous? Her eyes will flit all over the place. Bored? They’ll go dull. Fascinated? They’ll fix on your face and nod along with her head. Flirty? She’ll be looking to see who else is looking. Sympathetic? They’ll brim with tears and soften in pools of understanding.

2.  Focus on her.

If you have even the slightest inclination that this girl might be worth knowing, turn off your cell phone, ignore your goofy friends, don’t say hi to every passerby, and give her your undivided attention. See her. Think. Listen.

3.  Choose what to talk about.

Instead of just responding to her, be the one to guide meaningful conversation. That doesn’t mean you have to be brilliant or know everything about anything. Just be purposeful.

4.  Pace the conversation.

Be alert to when its time to switch subjects, when to ask questions, when to say more and when to say less. But don’t just let conversations die. That leaves a woman feeling like a failure. We’re too relational to just shrug our shoulders and walk away.

5.  Initiate conversation.

As in walk up to a woman and actually use words to bring her close. If she’s a beautiful woman, don’t allow yourself to be terrified of her because of her loveliness. Some beautiful women who are not flirty get shunned just because of fear. Or treated with bluster and bravado… just talk to her.

6.  Ask questions that require thoughtful response.

Instead of “How was your day?” ask “What was the highlight of your day?” Find out who she is, what her dreams are, how she plans to live her faith.

7.  Use a date to enter her world of words.

Men can have a meaningful “talk” sitting side by side as they wrestle fish into their boat. Without a word. But women need  words. If you take her to a movie just be sure that you plan to talk about the movie afterwards. Don’t just drive her home and leave her bereft of those words she craves.

8.  Never, ever, ever make fun of anything she says. Ever.

Don’t use sarcasm with women unless the twinkle in your eye is so huge and so obvious she absolutely cannot miss it. Be careful about teasing… make sure it is fond and funny— and that it makes her look good.

9.  Affirm her with words.

This, my son, is huge. A verbally affectionate man is a rarity. I don’t know why, but I suspect that men are so accustomed to using words as a means of conquering their world that somewhere in there they loose touch with the immense need every woman has to be embraced and brought close with words.

Your dad has loved me with affectionate words for over three decades. And that way of loving me has changed me and grown me and set me free of all that uptight angst I used to be so bound up with.

10. Give her the Word.

After our first date kept us up late into the night talking, your dad scribbled down two Bible verses onto 3x5 cards and sent them with a short note in the mail.

Yep, stamps and the mailbox and all that old-fashioned stuff.

And when I got that envelope with his name in one corner and mine in the middle, my whole self responded. I could barely steady my hands to open it up.

That he’d taken the time and made the effort to communicate back to me what we’d been talking about… I just can’t tell you what that did for my respect for him.

And I still have those verses tucked into my heart:

I Samuel 16:9

…for God sees not as man sees,

for man looks at the outward appearance,

but the Lord looks at the heart.”

         And

Jeremiah 9:23

Thus says the Lord,

“Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom,

and let not the mighty man boast of his might,

let not a rich man boast of his riches;

but let him who boasts boast of this,

 that he understands and knows Me,

that I am the Lord

who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth;

for I delight in these things,” declares the Lord.

May you be wise as you lead with your words, my son.

I love you,

Mom

 The clock is ticking towards the Day of the Mother.

It’s supposed to be good. It’s supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to be a feel-good day to celebrate and be celebrated. All about flowers and Hallmark commercials and breakfast in bed and love, love, love.

But for many among us it’s a day of dread. Of obligation and angst and walking on eggshells. A day to protect yourself in a stiff layer of don’t-go-there carefulness lest someone says the wrong thing and all hell breaks loose.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Remember what I wrote yesterday? One of God’s names is Ga’al, Redeemer. He is the One who wins people back to Himself by pursuing and loving and paying the price to bring them close to His heart again.

And He uses people— broken, messed up, redeemed people to His job.

It’s crazy, I know, but that’s the way He decided to do redemption. Instead of writing His love in the sky, He chose to write it in words… and then He gave those words to us… and now He wants to use us to do those words for people.

For our daughters, for our sons, for our own mothers.

Are you willing? All excuses cast aside? Ready to be used by the Redeemer to win back something that belongs to you? To do what it takes to restore a relationship broken by sin and failure and regret and just plain yuckiness?

SIX WAYS TO FIX WHAT IS BROKEN…

between you and your daughter 

1.  Listen to her (James 1:19)

I mean really listen. Listen to hear her heart, to understand what she’s saying— and what she’s not. Do not listen with the intent to defend yourself or attack her!

2.  Apologize to her (I Peter 5:6,7; Ephesians 4:30-32)

I know, I know, there are a million reasons you did what you did or said what you said. None-the-less, you hurt her. She needs to hear you say it, to know that you’re honestly sorry, that if you had it to do over again you’d do it differently.

And she won’t trust you until she hears it said— and said well. A full on apology involves these words, “I am sorry for______________, I know I hurt you. I was wrong. Please forgive me. I love you.”

Leave out the excuses, the explanations, the history, the “but you…” and just take humble responsibility for the wrong done.

3.  Accept her (Romans 12:3-16)

Every woman I know longs to feel accepted by her mother. And most of us don’t. All those years of training and correcting and disciplining your daughter have an end point. By the time she’s moving on and married and all grown up a great big switch needs to be pulled. And past that point mothers should not, ought never, must not critic or compare or hint at the slightest bit of disappointment with who her daughter is… or how she does life differently than you do.

4.  Approve of her (Ephesians 5:29)

This is different than acceptance. This is about finding the beauty in your daughter and holding it up for all the world to see. A mother who notices and relishes her daughter’s beauty is… beautiful! And rare.

This kind of approval is proactive. It is obvious and honest. It involves a mother who purposely sets aside her own hopes for her daughter and allows herself to relish who she really is. Out loud. A lot.

5.  Enjoy her (do we really need a Scripture verse for this one?!)

You’ve worked so hard. All those late nights worrying. All those trips to the mall and the doctor and the school. The gymnastics and the horseback riding lessons and the awkward learning to be a woman stuff— now she’s grown and you get to just enjoy her! She’s not your responsibility to tuck in and fix and polish up anymore. Throw a party! Have fun!

6.  Give to her (Luke 6:38)

Most mothers I know never stop giving to their children, even when they’re all old and wrinkled and creaky. But rarely does a mother ask her daughter how best to help her. Instead, we assume we know our role and sometimes we’re wrong. In fact, we’re usually wrong. The simple solution is to ask. Straight up: “How can I best be of help to you at this stage of your life?”

Then do what she says. And do it well. And keep asking. And don’t stop asking and helping her until you’re just so old and wrinkled and creaky that you honestly can’t anymore.

Just six simple possibilities.

Six wholly Scriptural ways of restoring relationships.

Six fully female approaches into the heart of your daughter.

Will you count the cost, take up your cross, and follow the way of Jesus? The way of redemption? Will you be like Him with your daughter?

Remember what I wrote at the beginning of this post?

“He is the One who wins people back to Himself by pursuing and loving and paying the price to bring them close to His heart again.”

May He work wonders as you follow in His ways,

From my heart,

Diane

Today… look up those verses, girls! They’re rich with wisdom we need.

Coming next week… Redeeming What is Broken Between You and Your Son and Redeeming What is Broken Between You and Your Mom

 FIXING WHAT'S BROKEN...

between you and your daughter… and between you and your son … and between you and your mom

Mother’s Day is just hours away… a day to celebrate your mother, a time to honor her.

And a day to be honored by your daughters and your sons.  A day to celebrate who you are and what you’ve done and what you’re doing still.

Or not.

Because for so many of you, Mother’s Day is a day to grieve what you didn’t have and wish you did and still want…

With your own mother.

With your daughter.

With your son.

And I’ve sat with you and I’ve heard your stories and I’ve shared mine.  We’ve cried some real tears together over all that wishing and wanting and deep down longing and the hurt that goes with it. The pain that won’t go away with an aspirin or two or a formula or book.

And it’s always there.

Those who have been hurt by a mother or disappointed by a daughter or rejected by a son… they live with chronic pain.

Aching, throbbing, why-won’t-this-go-away questions that may never be answered in a way that makes sense of the wrongness of it all.

But my dear women, there is wisdom for this in the Scriptures. God knows all about broken relationships And He is the master restorer.. in fact He calls Himself the Redeemer!

Do you know what that means?

“Redemption involves winning back, buying back, or repurchasing something that belongs to you…”[1]

Jesus is our Redeemer, He brought you back when you’d drifted far from Him, and He can bring back that one you love and have lost and want to love again.

He is all about connection. He made us for that very purpose- that we would be so closely connected to Him that we would walk in step with His heart.

And He knows what it’s like to lose that connection. To have it broken by sin and willfulness and neglect and not caring.

He knows it hurts.

Gosh He knows…

Because He’s felt it with you.  That hurt, the tears, the distance.

The only difference is that it’s never His fault… though He sure does take an awful lot of blame.

And truth be told, it’s usually at least somewhat our fault when things go wrong with our children— when they grow up and reject who we are.

And there’s usually at least a little bit wrong on our part when we can’t get along with our mothers.

Maybe not all our fault, maybe not as much as we get thrown our way, but no doubt about it, we’ve done our share to wreck the relationship.

I know that’s hard to swallow. As a mom, you’ve poured yourself into your kids. Your body swelled and stretched and bore the pain. You gave more than you knew you had. You loved that baby girl. You agonized over your son.

And now they tell you that you did it all wrong?

How dare they?

Right?

Or not…

And didn’t you deserve a mom who would be there for you? Wasn’t she supposed to protect you and make life wonderful— all warm cookies and fuzzy memories? Shouldn’t she love you and accept you and be proud of who you’ve become?

Yes! Of course yes.

And you have every right to be mad. You would have done it differently. You would have known better. And so should she...

Or not…

I don’t know your dilemma. I don’t live with your pain. But I do know about mine.

And I’ve found answers… or at least hope for answers… in the Words of God. And so can you.

The Scriptures are full of fractured relationships, stories of lives torn apart by regrets. Pictures of people who did what they shouldn’t have done. Raw, real stuff with the ways of God woven into the stories to bring some semblance of redemption, of buying back what should have been theirs in the first place.

There’s good stuff there, girls. Wisdom for how to fix the brokenness.

But here’s the reality: you have to do it His way.

Will you decide right now that it’s worth it? Will you chose to do what He says, whatever He says, to restore that fissure between—

you and your mom…

or

you and your daughter…

or

you and your boy?

Will you get your heart ready for Mother’s Day?

From my heart,

Diane

Coming Saturday… Redeeming What is Broken Between You and Your Daughter

And next week… Redeeming What is Broken Between You and Your Son and

Redeeming What is Broken Between You and Your Mom 

---

[1] Ann Spangler, Praying the Names of Jesus, pg. 340

GENERATIONS…what every woman ought to know about

authentic, life changing BELIEF

On Saturday, May 19^th, the women of Solid Rock are going to gather together to hear a woman I greatly admire tell Her Story.

You’re not going to want to miss this!

Wendy Palau is a beautiful woman; a woman of deep faith and warmth and love for God and His people. While her husband travels to the far corners of the world to bring the truth and hope of the Gospel, Wendy mostly stays home and lives that truth and offers that hope to her own world of teenagers and toddlers and carpools and neighbors.

And she does it with such beauty it fairly takes my breath away.

Will you come and hear?

Will you bring someone who needs hope?

Will you come and relish the sheer femininity of our morning together while you enjoy the flowers and candles and deliciousness we’re putting together just because we love being women? And because we love you?

I hope so…

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. I’m bringing my mom! She’ll be here for a visit and we’re going to share one of those all-too-rare treasures of mother-daughter-granddaughter-greatgranddaughter moments.

Details, details, details…

When: Saturday May 19^th from 9 to 11 AM… or whenever you decide to go on home!

Who: Females of any size, shape, or age as long as you’re able to sit a while and listen without too much wiggling or giggling…

Where: Westside only… we just couldn’t find a great place to meet downtown this time.

How much: $5 so we can do it up real nice

What: A light breakfast, coffee, flowers, beauty, delight, prayer, talking, loving, worship, and teaching straight from the Word of God into women’s hearts.

Dear Matthew, In Proverbs chapter 31 a mother writes to her son.

I can imagine her sitting at her desk in front of a window. A warm breeze wafts across the pages as she ponders what to write. She starts and then she stops, waddles up and throws away her first attempts, then finally decides to just say it.

And as a mother to a son, I feel that same angst. How do I say what my heart longs for you to hear?

Dare I say it? Should I?

When this mother of a king finally gets up the nerve to write what she knows her son needs to know, she does it, I believe, because she cares more about him than what he thinks about her.

And that’s no easy choice for a mama to make.

There is this nagging worry in every mother’s deep down places that if she’s not careful, if she says the wrong thing, if she says it too often and not just right— her son may move away from her heart and never come back.

And so King Lemuel’s mom and I have much in common. On these pages I’ll attempt to say what I mean in straight up man-talk form. And a few of the things I want to say I’ll probably say all wrong and too much. After all, women talk a whole lot different than men do.

We converse in circles and long sentences with lots and lots of before and after softening so we don’t hurt anybody’s feelings or step on toes or push people away from the relationship we crave and can never get enough of and don’t ever want to lose… yeah, like that.

Men talk short.

I’ll try.

But before I even get started, let me tell you something you need to know about women:

We love words and we love with words.

Some women talk a lot right from the get-go. You meet such a woman with a manly “hey”, and you get a paragraph thrown at you out of nowhere. The shorter your response, the longer hers will be. Because talkative women think that the way to coax a man to open his heart to her is to talk.

And talk. And talk some more.

You know these kinds of women because they’re my best friends. I love women who can carry the conversation, dragging me along into their fascinating world of verbal response. I can just listen and nod and throw in an occasional mh-mh to keep the bonfire burning.

Some men reject these kinds of women because they think they’re too much. Or that they’ll require too much from them. Or that all that verbosity signals something sinister like… neediness.

And sometimes it does… but most often those really talkative women are just a little nervous. And words start flowing like a broken pipe spewing water. Once she gets started she just can’t turn it off for the life of her. She’s terrified of silence and is begging you to jump into the flow and help her.

My advice to you? Be a man and rescue the poor girl.

What she wants is for you to know her. She’s inviting you into relationship at great risk to her heart. She’s bold and brave and beautiful in her attempt to bridge the yawning gap between your maleness and her femininity.

The absolute worst thing you could do, would be to leave her hanging there. Or to look away. Or to laugh. Please, please, don’t ever do that!

Ask her questions. Chime in with your own viewpoint.

Lead the conversation.

Most talkative women will be relieved that you did. Then they’ll settle down to a more reasonable pace of words… and you just might discover a delightful treasure of ideas and thoughts and passions and life.

Other women can barely sputter their thoughts out-loud. They back away in terror that they might say too much, or the wrong thing — so they say nothing.

And that can make men uneasy.

The whole world labels these kinds of women shy. And shy little girls are cute. But shy women? They’re stuck up and remote and cold and anything but cute. And that’s so not fair!

Women are not shy. Quiet maybe, but never shy. Because we women are all about words. Whether those words are streaming out of our mouths or galloping across our minds, we’re always talking. Always.

My advice to you? Be a man and rescue the poor girl!

What she wants is for you to help her. Just like the talkative girl, she longs to be known. And liked. She wants to know you too but doesn’t have the courage to overcome her angst about all that maleness standing in front of her to ask.

I know all about this kind of girl because that’s who I was when I met your dad. My mind would be racing with words that caught in my throat because I was so terrified that if those words left my tongue they’d just hang uncomfortably in the air between us.

So I said nothing.

But that didn’t stop your dad from talking. He led me into conversation. And as you know, I’m anything but shy now.

I talk. A lot.

And the only difference is that now I know how and now I feel safe and wanted and known.

That’s what a good man can do if he’s willing to lead.

And so, my son, here’s what I want you to know:

A woman,

whether she’s shy or

she’s way over the top talkative,

needs to share her thoughts like you need to breathe.

If you’ll pave the way and lead her skillfully, you’ll discover a land you never knew existed… a land that’s filled with ideas and dimensions and help and wisdom and perspective that you’ll never glean from just your guy friends.

And that, my dear son, is worth talking about.

With love,

Mom

P.S. For next week’s post I’ve listed and explained 10 WAYS A MAN CAN LEAD A WOMAN WELL WITH WORDS.

It wasn't until I had kids myself that I realized how amazing my mother is. She beautifully laid down her life 24 hours a day for her husband and her children. All the while fully devoting her life to Christ and growing in her faith daily. Needless to say, she is my hero.

It also wasn't until I had children of my own that I recognized the significance of Mother's Day.

(It's next Sunday in case you forgot. Your welcome moms.)

Yet how could we possibly honor the women who laid down their very lives for us in just one day?

Although we can never repay what they have given, we can take a day and serve them with just a sliver of the service they have lavished on us.

Where do we start?

FOOD! Mother's day is a perfect day to close the kitchen (allowing it to be the one area of the house that remains clean for more the 30 seconds) and take her out to breakfast... or any meal will do!

Our beautiful city is full of amazing places to eat that use all real and whole food ingredients. Many of them even source all locally grown ingredients that provide us with the best tasting and most nutritious meals there are. Below are just a few that we love and would be great places to take your moms to brunch this Mother's Day.

Vita Cafe:

• They have the best breakfast burrito I've ever had... My stomach is growling just thinking about it.
• It has a bit of a hippy vibe but... maybe that's why it is so good.
• Everything on their menu has a vegetarian/vegan option as well as a meat option. They use clean, grass fed meats and fresh produce.
• They have a great kids menu.
• They serve breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Slappy Cakes:

• The perfect spot for moms with kids... Or any age really.
• You choose a pancake batter, toppings and syrup and grill up your pancakes right at your table.
• They also have breakfast entrees with fresh ingredients and seasonal produce they grow themselves.
• They have gluten and dairy free options and they are delicious.

Mother's Bistro:

• Perfect name for Mother's day! A beautiful spot for brunch. They also serve lunch and dinner.
• The food is delicious and the menu has lots to offer.
• The menu doesn't specify dairy or gluten free but they do have options if you ask.

Bijou Cafe:

132 SW 3rd Ave Portland, OR

• The menu is full of fresh, real food and they serve breakfast and lunch.
• Limited dairy/gluten free options available. Be sure to ask how they cook the entree you are ordering if you are sensitive to dairy as they cook many of them with butter. The oatmeal and granola are safe!

Some not so healthy but super tasty...

Gravy:

3947 N Mississippi Ave Portland OR

• You may have to wait a while but it's worth it!
• Things to try: they are famous for their Creme Brûlée style oatmeal (it can be made with water or soy if you need it dairy free). Their french toast and hash browns are out of this world too!

Tasty and Son's:

• This is a somewhat southern style restaurant with a great atmosphere.
• Not much to say other then it is wonderful!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Elizabeth

PS: If you have a favorite spot to eat in our city would you share it with us?

Several months ago, my son Matthew wrote me an email asking one simple question… would I do for him what I had done for his older brother many years ago... would I write a series of letters giving him specific advice as to what to look for in a wife?

Matt was seven when I first started writing those letters. His big brother was away at school in the days before email and Facebook and Twitter. For over a year I wrote letters, folded the paper, licked the envelope, and dropped those missives in the mail.

I tried to explain to him how women differ and what I saw as his greatest need. I painted a picture for my firstborn son of a woman whose life would mesh with his— of a helper, a partner, a lover, a friend for the rest of his life. I knew, in that way that mothers know, that John Mark would be a leader.

And I knew John Mark.

I called those letters, “In Search of Eve” – I know, I know, it does sound incredibly corny now, but this was back in 1998 when baggy jeans and white-bleached-sticking-in-every-direction hair was in style too.

It made sense back then.

And it sure seemed to work for John Mark. Those letters mystically coincided with his discovery of Tammy. There in black and white was a handwritten description of the woman who had captured his attention. As he read those letters from his mom he was astounded at how accurately I was describing a girl I had never met.

Well, you know the rest of the story. John Mark and Tammy have been married for ten years now. They have two of the most intelligent, amazing, engaging, handsome boys in the world (okay, maybe I’m just a tiny bit biased) and have just adopted a beautiful African daughter into the Comer heritage. There is no doubt in my mind that Tammy is God’s gift not only to my son, but also to me. I love her like my own daughters and she fit my son in ways I could never have envisioned while laboring at my desk over those letters.

And now Matthew wants letters of his own.

And so, over the next few weeks and months, I will be sharing with all of you what I write to my son. He’s agreed to forego his privacy just a bit in order to allow his friends and people neither of us know— but both of care about, to learn alongside him. I’ll be using the last chapter of the book of Proverbs to guide my advice to my son.

Proverbs 31 has long been studied by women hoping to learn how to be the perfect woman and the “ideal wife”. But that was never the purpose of this oft-maligned chapter of God’s Word.

It is simply a letter from a mother to her son.

Now, granted, included in the middle of that letter is a description of woman of such beauty it fairly takes our breath away.  And leaves us lowly less-than-perfect women more than a little intimidated.

But that, I would argue, is not what this mother intended. She was writing to her son, not to women. And she knew her boy. She’d studied him and prayed for him and watched over him since before he emerged from her womb.

Now he is a man, a leader, a king. His vocation as ruler/politician/warrior puts Lemuel under intense pressure to perform and provide. And his mother knows he needs a godly woman to come alongside him and bring balance and wisdom and grace to his leadership. A woman who will fill the empty places of his heart, while bringing him honor and immeasurable help.

And so she writes her letter to her son. And I write to my own son.

And both of us beckon you to read along. To think and ponder and imagine what a truly good wife can do alongside a truly good man. And what a truly good man should know about women. And what women should know about what it means to be truly good.

But while you’re reading, will you do one thing? Will you forget the idea of “ideal”? Will you set aside the fairy tale notion of “perfect”? Instead, will you look with me at what God has to say about the value of a good woman?

And will you give me lots of grace in these next series of posts? I’m writing to my son, not studying for a commentary.

I’m the mom of a man-boy who is preparing for his future of leadership and mission.

And I’m the wife of a leader— a truly good man who has taught me and corrected and protected me for just shy of 34 years.

I’ve learned most of what I know the hard way. By making mistakes and coming up short and being disappointed in my self-centered self. And then by turning to the Scriptures to find a better way of being.

This is my answer to my son’s question—

Mom, what should I look for in a wife?

From my heart,

Diane (aka Mom)

P.S. Why don’t you take some time this week to slowly read through Proverbs, chapter 31? Allow yourself to think through the wisdom in God’s words to you. Go ahead and jot down a few notes and send me any questions that come to your mind.

After a whole pregnancy of craving nothing but Mexican food, two weeks of quick and easy meals, and wonderful friends and family cooking for us… I have made my way back into the kitchen to work on some new, non-Mexican, recipes!

As I am learning to juggle my two little ones, keeping up with laundry and brushing my teeth before my husband gets home from work…. My goal with most meals has been to have enough for leftovers for lunch the following day.

Leftovers are a mama’s best friend.

With Spring finally making it’s way to us, I am getting so excited to grill up every type of colorful vegetable I can get my hands on! Yet for this recipe, my stove had to suffice… as well as the veggies I happened to have in my fridge.

Feel free to get creative with this meal and use whatever type of veggies you and your family like. Really anything goes with this one!

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

CILANTRO LIME PEANUT SAUCE + VEGGIES + RICE 

(apple cider vinegar not used)

PEANUT SAUCE:

• ½ C natural peanut butter
• 1 T Braggs amino acids (or soy sauce)
• 2 T limejuice
• 1 T coconut oil
• 1 T minced garlic
• 1 t minced ginger
• 1 T brown sugar
• ¼ C cilantro
• ¼ C water
• ¼ tsp cayenne pepper (optional – just adds a bit of a kick but not too much)

(kale and zucchini not pictured) 

VEGGIES + RICE:

• 2 C cooked brown rice (I cooked mine in vegetable broth for added flavor)
• 1 can water chestnuts – chopped
• 1 bell pepper – chopped
• 2 C steamed kale – chopped
• 3 carrots – pealed and chopped
• ½ C green onions – chopped
• 1 zucchini – chopped
• ¼ C chopped cilantro
• Coconut oil

TOPPINGS:

• Chopped peanuts
• Green onions
• Sriacha Hot Sauce

TO MAKE:

SAUCE:

Combine all ingredients in a high-speed blender or food processor. Blend until smooth. Add more water to reach desired consistency if necessary.

VEGGIES:

Heat a bit of coconut oil in a large sauté pan on medium heat. Add carrots and peppers and cook for a few minutes until they soften. Then add water chestnuts, steamed kale, green onions, zucchini, cilantro, salt and pepper and cook all together for a few more minutes. I tend to like my veggies on the crispier side so turn up the heat to medium high and let them brown up without getting soggy.

*Steaming the kale prior to sautéing it will soften it and makes it much better! You can use a steamer or just put a bit of water in a pan with the kale and cover. Cook for about 5 min on a high heat. You just want it to soften a bit and wilt.

TO COMBINE:

In a large mixing bowl, combine cooked brown rice, sautéed veggies, and peanut sauce. Stir until combined. Give it a taste and add more salt or pepper if desired.

TO SERVE:

Add toppings and enjoy!

 

Some time ago a young woman I am close to asked me that haunting question,

 “How do I know he’s the one?” 

She’d thought the decision to get married should have been easier or at least clearer. Here she was, after months and months of dating a really great guy, still unsure, still not knowing if he was the one.

Why didn’t she know?

Did that not knowing constitute an answer in itself?

Shouldn’t she know by now?

On and on the confusion spilled out in a frustrating and peace eluding expression of angst.

My young friend wanted to know and the not knowing had left her paralyzed, uptight, and anxious.

It strikes me that those of us who live and move in the midst of our ultra-romantic, destiny driven church culture have some really crazy ideas about marriage.

We’ve got Prince Charming standing in for this elusively named The One and we expect him to come charging into our lives on his white steed.

Crazy as it sounds, rather than feeling kidnapped, we’re supposed to miraculously know he’s HIM!

No wonder the world thinks we’re nuts- maybe we are!

A century or so ago, a wise Amish woman came up with a simple saying to help people who want to know. 

Choose your love

Love your choice.

And that, my dear friends, is reality. We get to choose. As in, make a decision.

And as with every well-made decision, we need to ask ourselves questions—lots and lots of questions. The kinds of questions that make us think and utilize that often-neglected left side of the brain God gave us.

A little less romanticizing and a lot more reasoning.

And so I went about writing down some questions for my friend. Questions meant to probe her heart and her mind.

Questions to help choose her love so that she could spend the rest of her life loving her choice.

If you’re contemplating that How do I know? Question right now, why don’t you peruse these questions? There is no such thing as two perfectly suited people, but there is such thing as two really mismatched people. These questions are designed to make you think, to force you into honesty, and to help you choose well.

From my heart,

Diane

Dear ******

These questions to ask yourself- not some sort of interview form. They are meant to probe your heart and gauge the potential for oneness in every area of your lives. And because I believe that oneness is God’s goal for marriage, these questions are intended to help you discern how easy or how difficult that might be for you and ****.

Oneness is never easy. And conflict is inevitable, no matter how hard we work to avoid it.

If the conflict is not harmful to your soul, and if both of you are softened by it, then the conflict can actually be good.

If the areas of conflict require too great of changes in your personalities and goals and in the vision you each have for your lives, then it ruins that trust-filled haven your lives together must be in order for you each to flourish.

And yet two people can be vastly different in their personalities and approaches and yet “just click” in such a way that it is as if two broken pieces come together to make a whole.

That is what a great marriage looks like— two distinctly different people fitting together to become one.

But because marriage is about more than logic, first I think you need to ask your heart a few questions…

• Are you flat out head-over-heals, can’t live without him in love with him? As in… the rest of your life no-matter-what?
• Are you at home with him? At rest? Able to show your whole self without shame? Confident? Real?
• Do you trust him? To cover for you, to be faithful to you, to be transparently honest with you, to hide nothing from you?
• Are you “more yourself” with him in his presence or do you shut down certain parts of you?
• Do you flourish with him?

If you’re still on board, here are some real life areas where people rub up against each other on a daily basis.  Use this as more of an over all check list than a test to gauge that impossible ideal of perfection.

Vision:

• Does he have some sort of vision for his life? If not, is he on the way to discovering that vision by actively seeking God and asking people and looking at his strengths and passions?
• Can you embrace that vision? Pouring all of who you are into it?
• Can you see yourself as a help to him? Can he?
• How much involvement will he want of you in his career/calling?
• Are you okay with that? Excited?
• Would you be willing to lay aside your own ambitions to help him succeed?
• Would he respect and value your part in God’s plan for his future?

Spiritually:

• Do you track with his insights?
• Does he understand yours?
• Do you love to pray with him?
• Does he bring out the best in you spiritually?
• Encourage you?
• Remind you of the Truth and right thinking?
• Does he know more about doctrine (Truth) and theology (who God is and how He works) than you do?
• If not, is he learning so ferociously that he will soon by-pass you in knowledge?
• Does he take from his storehouse of Scriptural truth and apply it to problems, concerns, and purposes?
• Are his goals Scripturally based?
• Are you excited at the prospect of throwing yourself behind his goals and helping him with all your intelligence and creativity and gifts?
• Does he respect your viewpoint? Welcome your input? Listen to you?
• Will you have a common goal? What is it?

Financially:

• What are his financial aims? Is he taking steps now to achieve those aims?
• Do you trust him to lead in the financial/budget area?
• Do you trust him to put you and your children’s financial well-being above his own personal needs? To lay down his life for you?
• Do you trust him to do whatever it takes to provide for you so that you can pour every effort into caring for your family while your children need you at home?
• Or will he view you as necessary to produce income for your family? Are you okay with that?
• Does he see his paycheck as both of yours? Making all financial decisions together no matter what?
• Would he abstain from making a financial decision without your support?
• Does he see himself as a steward of all that God provides?
• Can the two of you blend your ideas of an ideal standard of living?

Emotionally:

• What does he do when he gets upset? When he’s under intense pressure? When he’s tired?
• How does he handle defeat? Discouragement? Obstacles? Disappointments?
• Can you live with those responses without being hurt/rejected/defensive or brought low by them?
• Can you live with his flaws without trying to change him?
• Can you allow him to be fully himself?
• Can he live with who you really are? Or does he pressure you to be more______ or less ______?
• Does your way of expressing yourself delight him or does he try to shut you down?
• Does he humble himself and apologize?
• Does he freely forgive you when you apologize?
• Is he transparent with you?
• Does he admit need?
• Does he allow you to carefully and respectfully correct him?
• Does he correct you with gentleness?

Socially:

• Are you proud of him?
• In social settings do you feel the need to prompt him, lead him, explain him?
• Do you relax in similar ways?
• Can you allow each other to be different?
• Do you enjoy the way he celebrates the highs? Can you enter into his joy?
• Can he enter into your joys?

Life:

• Can you solve problems together in a satisfying way?
• Can you make decisions together in a satisfying way?

Physically:

• Are you attracted to him? Do you find him appealing?
• Are you drawn to the way he is made-the way he smells, the way he looks, the way he expresses affection?
• Could you give your body freely to him?
• Could you delight in him? Could he delight in you?
• Is there anything about him that repels you?
• Is he affectionate enough for you? (I’m not talking about passion here, but that day-to-day affection most women crave)
• Do you feel free and confident in his view of your beauty?
• Could you grow old with this man and still find him compellingly attractive?
• Could you grow old with this man and still feel absolutely lovely?

Random considerations:

• Does he share or at least encourage your kind of learning?
• Will he continue to educate himself? To learn and grow?
• Does he look forward to having children?
• Do you share common goals for what you want to see happen in your children’s lives?
• Does he have a burning conviction to raise his sons and daughters to love God with passion?
• Do you have similar ideas about discipline?

A few weeks ago, my dear friend Michele posted a photo on Facebook of some homemade hummus she was planning to make. Her pile of ingredients sounded so good that I asked her to share her creation with you all. She is delightful and fun and truly finding cooking to be a beautiful form of art... a women after my own heart!

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

PS: I will be back next week with a new recipe. All the ingredients are waiting in my fridge... I just need to figure out how to find time to take a shower with two little ones... then I will be back in the kitchen!

LENTIL HUMMUS: by michele fordice

For some families, cheese, bread, or meat may be a staple at the dinner table.

The staple in our home is hummus.

Some would even say it’s become an obsession around here.  With minimal complaints from my 4-year-old son, he eats just about anything you put in front of him. But my 2-year-old on the other hand, he lives and breathes because of his hummus consumption.  For the past two years we have consumed more hummus containers from Costco than one might think humanly possible and we’ve experimented with many hummus recipes.

We have discovered that Trader Joe’s has the best flavor, but because of the amount we consume, we had to switch over to Costco’s more economical version.  In an effort to switch things up now and then, I tried making it myself.

In the end…this recipe has proven to be one of our favorites.

Traditional Hummus is usually blended with a chick pea bean (aka garbanzo bean). For this recipe, I’ve chosen to use a sprouted bean trio of lentils, adzuki, and mung beans. Ok, I’ll be honest. The reason why I chose this group of beans was because of the color. They looked pretty in the store and I wanted to take them home!

Using this sprouted bean trio was a first for me, and despite the initial vanity in my purchase, we really liked the way the hummus turned out. It had a more earthy/hearty flavor.

Unbeknownst to me, sprouted beans are said to be easier to digest and loaded with micronutrients.  Who knew?  Allowing the beans to sprout (aka: germinate) has been used in food preparation for centuries, and for those who are sensitive to certain grains and beans, this might be a viable option.  Ezekiel bread (hyper link to this website:  www.foodforlife.com), is a commercial example of sprouted grain bread.  Most Trader Joe’s carry Ezekiel breads and tortillas.

If you are feeling adventuresome and have never made your own hummus recipe, try it!  It’s actually really easy, nutritious, and a fun recipe to do with kids!  And, if you are not up for cooking your own beans, grab a can of garbanzo beans.  Be sure to rinse the beans in a colander in order to remove the excess sodium that has been put in the can as a preservative.

Put away that Hidden Valley Ranch dressing and bust out a healthy alternative to eating raw veggies!

LENTIL HUMMUS

INGREDIENTS: 

• 1 cup of dried lentils or any kind of bean of your choice
• 3 cups of water (used to boil the beans)
• 3 tbsp tahini (sesame paste)
• ½ cup lemon juice
• 2 gloves minced garlic
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1 tbsp Tamari soy sauce or Braggs Liquid Amino
• ¼ cup olive oil
• Salt to taste

TO MAKE:

• Cook dried lentils or beans according to package directions.  If you have cooked canned beans, pour contents into a colander to drain juices and rinse beans of any excess sodium.

• Pour the rest of the ingredients into your choice food processor and blend.  Depending on your food processor you may need to add a bit of water or olive oil to create a more creamy texture.

• Serve with fresh vegetables, pita, and or as a sandwich spread.

• Now enjoy!

This is just ONE of many renditions you can try.  Cook up some spinach and add it into the food processor for some extra micronutrients.  You can also add or delete the amount of lemon juice, garlic and tamari sauce to make it more or less flavorful.

Cooking has become an art form for me and food is the canvas.  I love throwing in a pinch of this or a dash of that and see how it changes the consistency or flavor of a dish.  As you get to know the flavors of the world you really get to see HIS creativity, not just the science behind the food.  He sure is creative!

Hope this inspires you too to get creative!

Love, Michele