ANGER: who?
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For the past several weeks I have been getting a flood of questions about dealing with anger in our children. It seems that the more we look at this issue from a Biblical perspective, the more we need to relearn. Much of what we have learned apart from the Scriptures has to do with either suppressing or excusing anger in our children. Yet the Bible does neither. For the next few weeks we are going to take a look into the Word of God to examine the Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How of dealing with anger in our children… and ourselves. I would suggest that every mother/woman/parent take some time to look up the Scriptures quoted, perhaps writing them out on a 3x5 card, in order to readjust the way you think and feel and believe about the very real problem of anger. |
Who:
No one can make you angry. Read that again. No one can make you angry. Angry reactions are always a choice. That is why over and over again in the Scriptures we read verses that implore us not to be angry. To stop it, to cease from anger and turn away from it.
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander
be put away from you, along with all malice.”
Ephesians 4:31
“Be angry and yet do not sin;
do not let the sun go down on your anger,
and do not give the devil an opportunity.”
Ephesians 4:26,27
If you do nothing else to train you child to deal with anger, please, please do this! Teach him that his anger is his responsibility. Period. By teaching him just this one thing, you are not only saving him from a whole lot of trouble as a result of his own anger, but you are also protecting him or her from the angry abuse of another.
Here are some Scriptures to look into:
Proverbs 29:11
Proverbs 19:18,19
Proverbs 22:24,25
Ecclesiastes 7:9
And remember, one of the most effective ways to teach this is when you blow it. When (notice, not if) you respond to you child in an angry way, be quick to apologize sincerely and without excuse. Here’s how that might sound:
“Honey, I am so sorry for raising my voice at you a moment ago. (Be specific) That was wrong of me to do. It is never okay for any of us to yell at each other or to treat each other with disrespect. I have confessed my anger to God and am really sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.”
Follow your confession by affection and then leave it alone. No, but you shouldn’t have… In most instances the misdeed of the child is going to have to be overlooked in light of your angry outburst lest you in some subtle way indicate that he caused your anger.
Like almost every other aspect of training your children in the ways of the Kingdom, this is going to take lots and lots of time. Be patient with yourself and with your child.
And remember… Philippians 1:6
“For I am confident of this very thing,
that He who began a good work in you
will perfect it
until the day of Christ Jesus.”
From my heart,
Diane