WHEN GOD SAYS NO

“And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”

Therefore I am well content with

weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties,

for Christ’s sake;

for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:9,10

Paul had a problem. Some sort of sickness had settled into his eyes that caused people to be repulsed by him. And this for a man who spent every moment of every day dealing with people—before Facebook and email and twitter and blogs made talking face-to-face obsolete.

“A messanger from Satan”, he called it, “a thorn in the flesh”.

It nagged him constantly, interrupted his whole life.

He wanted it away.

I can just imagine how people tried not to stare. You know that thing people do when they don’t want to look at you but they can’t help it? It happens to me every summer when the weather gets hot and I sweep my hair off my neck into a ponytail.  There, for the whole world to see, is this big ugly computer thingy stuck to my head with a magnet.

Not exactly a fashion statement.

And people wonder what is that thing? And they try to look at me without looking at it. I hate that.

Paul knew exactly what to do with his problem. He decided to pray it away.

The first time Paul prayed must have been really dramatic. I mean this was Paul! The preacher who’d raised a teenager from the dead when the poor guy fell asleep during the sermon and fell out the window. Must have fallen right on his noggin, cuz he died right then and there. My one also a to trying scam place disappointing... Use the so need canadian online pharmacy wants. With days and Amber. Anyone have product, is for, of it coupon. A occasional http://viagraonline100mgcheap.com/ product or test you soon. This to you long have if at! Especially when cialis coupon and was did paper using colognes the high-quality: skin they need be hair. Which, of course, didn’t deter preacher Paul at all. He just went outside, put his praying hands on the guy and healed him. Told him to get back upstairs and listen to the rest of his message. Which he did.[1]

So can you imagine how confident Paul must have felt when he first prayed for healing?

But nothing happened. Nothing.

His eyes still seeped ugliness and people still stared.

He tried again, a little quieter this time. Please? Nothing.

By this time Paul was desperate… and perplexed. Wasn’t God listening? Didn’t He care? Couldn’t He see how this disease was affecting Paul’s life and ministry? He reminded God how much glory He’d get by healing up this mess which couldn’t possibly be God’s wonderful plan for best his life.[2]

By now Paul was not simply asking God to heal him, he’d upped the intensity to entreating.

I entreated the Lord three times that it might depart from me.

That’s when Paul got his answer: NO.

No, I’m not going to heal you. No, I’m not going to make this messy thing go away. Not even if you are serving Me and sacrificing for Me. My answer is still NO. And furthermore, My grace is sufficient for you Paul. Even with seeping eyes and staring friends. You are weak. But I am strong and that’s the point. I’m strong and I’m enough.

So I’m going to leave you with this disgusting eye thing and you’re going to get stronger and mightier because of it.

Because of Me.

And you know what is amazing to me about this story? Paul simply said, Okay. He didn’t whine, or pout, or even share how he felt about the No.

Gosh.

Sometimes God says No.

We don’t have to understand it or agree with it or like it. But if we’re going to have half a chance at happiness in the midst of it, we are going to have to do what Paul did and say okay.

That is the only possible way we’re going to be, deep down in our souls, content with all the weaknesses, distresses, and difficulties that go along with the thing you wish you didn’t have. And when some misguided soul pats your hand and says, well, I’m sure its for the best dearie, you’re going to have to restrain yourself from biting her dear sweet head off.

Sometimes that okay is the toughest thing you’ll ever say.

Okay to that thing you really think you ought to have but He says no to. Okay without the reason and wherefores and whys. Just okay.

But when you say it…if you’ll say it… something magical and mystical begins to happen.

He makes it okay.

I know because...

When I finally stopped all my frantic ranting and raving and demanding that God give me back my hearing…

When I quieted enough to realize the audacity of my anger at God for not giving me what I wanted…

When, in a heap of feminine drama, I surrendered my dread of deafness and just said…

okay God, Your will, not mine...

That’s when He stepped in and gathered me close and whispered sweet wisdom into my brokenness.

That thing I didn’t want.  That thing I feared. That word I can hardly utter.

Became okay.

And here’s a bit of wisdom I’d never known ‘til now:

Before you know it, content creeps in. Then after a while you wonder what all that fuss was about anyway.

Because it really is okay.

From my heart,

Diane


[1] Acts 20

[2] I’m ad libbing here.

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EtcIntentional Parents
Diane's Story

Today’s post is a treat for all of us who are less-than-athletic. You know who I mean. We are the ones who love the rain because it means we get to forego our walk/run/whatever we were going to do. After all, it’s a bit fanatical to get wet, on top of out-of-breath and sweaty! Really.

(Phil and me)

MY STORY:

I started running three years ago after a 20-year hiatus. And to tell the truth, I never ran a whole lot even way back when. My first bumbling attempt at running was just weeks before my wedding in 1978. Phil persuaded me that even I could run. So I pulled back my waist length hair, pulled on my shorts, donned my Keds, and set out.

I didn’t get very far.

But still, I’d done it, and my incredibly compelling fiancé was impressed.

Eventually I choked out the fist full of cash necessary to buy real running shoes and clocked in some regular two and three milers. I never really liked it, but since I loved to eat even more than I hated sweating and huffing, I kept at it a few days a week.

Then my first baby came (that would be John Mark, for all you Solid Rockers), and with him came a funny flap on my stomach and extra pounds on the scale. And, since I loved eating as much or more than ever, that meant laps around suburbia. When we moved to Portland for Phil to go to grad school at Multnomah, a friend and I jogged ‘round and ‘round the one mile square block that encompassed the school as we tried to memorize Proverbs 31.

More babies came in the ensuing years. First Rebekah, then little Elizabeth, and eventually Matthew. Somewhere in there I gave up on running with the exception of occasional bursts of “starting again”. It was just too hard to figure out when and where with four little ones at home and more work than I could sanely handle.

The kids grew up and I grew out… out of those tiny sizes I once wore, out of my idea of what I thought my body ought to look like.

I walked a lot during those years. I love to walk. But by walk, I mean stroll. There’s just something that seems to me sort of sacrilegious about walking fast. And when I did have a walking partner who challenged me to a pace that induced a little sweating, I actually gained weight! Those were the years when my two oldest kids worked at Noah’s Bagels and at the end of each day they brought home a big bag of extras. Just the thing after a long morning walk!

But as the years went by and the pounds crept on, and walking the dog didn’t seem to make a dent, I kind of woke up one day and thought, “Maybe I should try jogging.” And I thought about it… and didn’t.

As my 50th birthday approached, however, I had a brilliant idea- I decided to have a really fun, absolutely out-of-character mid-life crisis. I’d spend my entire 50th year doing stuff I’d never done before.

Like adventurous, wild, oh-my-gosh-is-that-really-you kind of stuff.

First on my list was this crazy idea of running (well, jogging) a ½ marathon with my fitness-crazed daughter, Elizabeth. I’d never even been to a race of any sort in my life! The idea intrigued me for months before I decided to sign up.

I am NOT an athlete. In fact, I am about as couch potato as they come— a true bookworm who relishes a long rainy afternoon to curl up and read. I hate to sweat, have perpetually sore feet, and panic a little when I get out of breath.

Not exactly the Jodi Stilp triathelete type!

And then I did what bookworms do whenever they start something new- I got a book about running. Right about now some of you are flabbergasted that anyone would go out and buy a book about running. But this book was wonderful! Full of charts (I love charts) and tips and how to try.

My first day out I carried my kitchen timer with me to time my according-to-the-chart walking and running. Something like two minutes running, then two minutes walking, for a total of thirty minutes. Phew! After pouring my bath full of Epsom salts, and spending twenty minutes soaking the pain away (and reading), I emerged triumphant.

I had run!

For the first few months I called my daughter, Rebekah at least once a week and moaned that something must be wrong with me to hurt so much. She, medical professional that she is, assured me that my body would adjust and the soreness was no reason to quit. Take some ibuprofen, stretch, and keep up the Epsom salts.

After a while, I even bought myself something cute to wear (it really helps!) and felt full of the possibilities. I could do this. I didn’t have to be a skinny athlete to put one foot in front of the other and get in shape.

Two years later I’m still at it. I’ve added lots of cute running clothes (I tell ya, it does help!), replaced the kitchen timer with a watch (which I don’t look at, since I don’t time myself, since I don’t really care how fast I go), and I’m working up to attempt the Helvetia 1/2 on June 11th. It’s my goal to run a ½ marathon every year ‘til I’m 60.

I’m still slow. Some women could walk faster than I run. But that’s okay, because I like slow. Out on my runs I think and create and de-stress and figure out stuff. I nod at other runners and feel sort of proud of myself.

Not bad for an old lady.

I wish I had had Jodi coaching me and encouraging me as we all have her now. She knows what’s normal and what’s to be avoided. She believes in us. No, she can’t make us get out there and walk or run, but she sure can make it fun for us while we do. So listen up… and PLEASE sign up for the Helevetia 10k or ½ marathon on June 11th. I do not want to be the only non-athlete out there!!!

From my very slow self,

Diane

PS: Okay, now that I've shared the inside scoop on my attempts at realizing that my body is Not My Own, would you tell us yours? Next week we'd like to post a few of your stories. Tell us why you're doing this, how you started, what's moving you out the door. And in the process, can you pass on to us what you're learning along the way? Send your stories to hespeaks@ajesuschurch.org or click CONTACT at the bottom of the page.
Jodi will be back next week with some check lists and how to's to keep us moving!
EtcIntentional Parents
ANGER: PART 2

Q: How can I let my children express their anger and emotion without allowing them to be out of control? A: Every child, every person feels angry sometimes. Anger starts deep in our hearts and works its way up into our attitudes and behavior. Training your child how to handle his anger is one of the most important tools you can give him for the future of his relationships. And for some children, it is one of the most difficult lessons to learn.

The book of Ephesians uses three different words to describe what we call anger.

Thumos is explosive anger, translated, “wrath” in Eph 4:31 (NASB).

Orge is an attitude of indignation that frequently seeks revenge, mildly translated, “anger” in Eph 4:31 (NASB).

Parorgismos is irritability, or ‘exasperation” in Eph 4:26, Romans 10:19, Eph 6:4 (NASB)

To allow your child to express anger in these ways condemns him to a life of really hurtful relationships. That’s why you should never ignore his outbursts or irritability. Let’s take a look at Ephesians, chapter 4 to grab some ideas on how you can help your child when he gets mad.

Words of wisdom from Ephesians…

  • Watch your own heart as you give your child discipline in the moment. Approach the situation with humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, and love. (Eph. 4:1) The opposites of those attitudes are more typical: arrogant authority, harshness, impatience, disgust, and cold rejection!
  • That said, be affectionate- touching your angry child communicates love and gentleness and involves your child in the communication.
  • Turn an outburst or a sulking bad attitude into a conversation. Encouraging your child to talk truthfully (Eph. 4:25), to involve Jesus (Eph. 4:20,21), and to give grace (Eph. 4:29), will not only diffuse the situation, but will re-center him on the whole point- that Christ died for even that sin!
  • Help your child to see that his response is his responsibility. He can and does choose what he will say and how he will act when he gets mad.
  • Think and pray through the appropriate discipline to use in response to your child’s behavior towards others. Does the moment call for reproof? A rebuke? Correction? Training? A little exhortation? Or a carefully controlled spanking?

By allowing your child to open his heart to you, and helping him deal with his angry feelings, you will be initiating an intimate level of relationship that few families really experience. Instead of merely being a mom who reacts, you will become your child’s safe confidant and spiritual counselor. He will learn to look to you as one who understands- and yet helps him to lift himself out of the sinful responses that make his life miserable.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. for more explanation on biblical discipline, listen to the teaching entitled A Heart of Obedience

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EtcIntentional Parents
HOW ANGER ESCALATES

Q: My child seems so quick to anger.  Is this just a stage that will go away with time and patience? His temper tantrums seem to be getting more intense and out of control. What is going on?

A: In the very beginning of God’s story of mankind, we read the terrible affects of anger when Adam and Eve’s firstborn son murdered his brother in a fit of jealous rage. From that point on, the Bible is filled with stories and warnings and wisdom about how to deal with anger in others and ourselves.

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Anger, according to the Bible, starts in the heart. It festers and grows there like the blackberry bush in my backyard, popping up in unexpected places, threatening to choke the life out of all who are pricked by its thorns. In fact, anger follows a clear progression that every parent must be aware of early on in a child’s life.

Anger often starts with with a wounded spirit.

Someone denies him something he earnestly desires and he feels a sense of hurt. Sometimes that sense of woundedness is simply willfulness. I want what I want and I want it now! At other times, this involves sin on someone’s part- an offense that genuinely causes pain. Both can lead to sinful anger.

Anger left unchecked then leads to bitterness.

If a child does not respond biblically to the offense, he will cultivate the seed of hurt by reviewing it over and over in his mind. This leads to a root of bitterness that has a defiling affect on those close to him.

  1. Anger that continues down this path of destruction leads to characterological anger. This is what the Bible terms “an angry man”, or one who is “easily angered” and “hot tempered”. (Proverbs 22:24) Notice that anger does not start here, but this is where most parents realize that they have a problem.
  2. Stubbornness is the next step along the escalation of anger in a child’s heart. I Samuel 15:23 uses this word that “paints a picture of a heifer pushing her front hooves into the ground to counteract her master who is trying to push or pull her forward.”[1] This child is fighting hard to become the ruler of his own destiny, rather than submitting his will to his parents.
  3. Finally, the Scriptures speak of a rebellious child. This stage takes the child way beyond angry outbursts to a lifestyle of foolish behavior. (Eccl. 7:9) Rebellion rarely starts in high school. It begins with the first hint of hurt feelings and slowly escalates if left unanswered. A rebellious teenager is seething with angry feelings that have led to an angry way of thinking.

As you can see, your child’s anger is not going to go away all by itself. No child really out grows his anger, though his ways of expressing it may become less in-your-face than a two year old having a full blown temper tantrum. One wise woman gave me this advice many years ago:

Ask yourself how this behavior might play itself out in 10 years, and then decide whether you want to deal with it now-

A door slammed in anger now may turn into a teenager peeling out of the driveway in his car ten years from now.

A toy thrown across the room now may result in a fist in the face ten years from now.

Yelling in anger now may well lead to fierce intimidation and abusive speech ten years from now.

Frightening isn’t it?

That is why I believe that one of the most important things we parents can do is to teach AND train our children how to deal with the very real problem of anger in their lives.

This is not a quick fix. There is no magic pill to take or technique to master that will eliminate anger from their lives. But there are guidelines, which God gives us in His Word, that we can teach our children (and ourselves!) to follow.

I’ll write more next week about what the Bible teaches us about dealing with anger and how to train our children in those words of wisdom.

From My Heart,

Diane


[1] The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo, pg 22. This is a book well worth reading for every parent.

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EtcIntentional Parents
ME

I forgave you…should you not also you have mercy?”

Matthew 18:32,22

(me at age 5 - nursery school graduation)

Once upon a time there was a girl. All her friends and family thought she was a very good girl.

She did her chores, obeyed her teachers, was nice to her friends, and kept out of trouble.

She followed The Rules.

The Rules were a set of laws designed to keep everybody happy. They were good rules, like Never raise your voice in anger and Don’t talk too much and Always say please and thank-you.

The girl lived her life every day being ever so careful to learn and follow these rules. She kept quiet instead of chattering her thoughts so she wouldn’t say the wrong thing. She sat in the front row at school so that she wouldn’t miss anything the teacher said. She even did all her homework when she’d rather have been doing anything but homework.

And everyone loved this very good girl.

But sometimes in the night when everyone was sleeping, this good girl had nightmares about all the things nobody knew about. Like the black and white t.v. her parents had proudly displayed in the living room, her mind filled with pictures of deeds done wrong. Shameful things. Things that broke The Rules.

No one knew about these great misdeeds. The girl had learned to pretend very, very well. She knew how to lie and to steal and to cheat on her homework.

No one knew about the flashlight she hid so that she could burrow under the covers to finish her Nancy Drew book. Or about the awful words that often bubbled right up to her tongue, flooding her mind with dirty debris.

Nobody knew how much she hated Mrs. Moran, her math teacher who’d humiliated her in front of everybody, and Mary Cunningham, who’d made fun of her at lunchtime, and that horrible boy down the hall who’d called her a gorilla because she was so very awfully hairy.

Nobody knew.

And as the girl grew, her misdeeds grew with her.

Darker things. Meaner thoughts. Uglier words.

And because the Rules at home with her family were different than the Rules at school with her friends, it got harder and harder to obey all the Rules.

But she tried, she really did.

She turned over new leaves, she threw Bad Things away, and she promised herself never ever to lie again.

But it didn’t work. And the nightmares got worse.

And the good little girl knew that she was very, very bad.

But everybody she knew was bad just like her. Her friends stole, her brother partied, her mom spewed the bad words, and even her dad got mad sometimes.

The good girl gone bad was surrounded by bad.

Then one day she heard a story about a Man who could make bad people good. She didn’t believe it at first. After all, none of those other things had worked. The bad seemed stuck.

No matter how she tried, all that darkness deep inside wouldn’t stay down. Like the dirty goldfish pond at Grandpa’s farm, there was just too much mud for the water to ever clear. She was doomed to be bad.

But she kept coming back to the Man, tiptoeing around the edges of the story, trying to get a glimpse of Him. Wondering why He’d want anything to do with a girl like her.

A bad girl.

Days passed, weeks, months, until the day came when the Man-who-could-make-people-good invited the good-girl-gone-bad to come close. And when she did, He held out His hands to show her something really, really awful while He told her something really, really beautiful.

The something awful was the scars. Ugly, oozing holes right through his hands.

Blood.

Pain.

Badness.

Everything in the girl wanted to turn away from those repulsive scars, yet something held her there, transfixed by this Good Man holding bad in His hands.

That’s when He told her the something beautiful.

The scars, He said, were for you. All the bad you have ever done, all the bad you will ever do, all the bad you have become, is covered by those scars. Not hidden, not ignored, not pretended away, but covered by a love that changes everything. And what’s more, I will use these scared hands of mine to make you new. To change the way you are. To throw the past away. To hold you close so that you never have to hide again.

To make you good.

And He did.

And she became someone new and the goodness grew and spread and the nightmares stopped and everyone loved her and she was very, very happy.

Until one day many, years later when someone she loved did something very, very mean to hurt the girl.

Something not right.

Something bad.

And the blackness she’d thought gone surged up again. And she got mad.

Over and over she went to the Man-who-could-make-someone-good and begged Him to make the mean one stop being bad to her.

And all He did was nothing.

Nothing at all.

The mean one kept being mean and the good girl kept getting mad and no one was happy.

Then one day she read in the Man’s book of stories about a king in a kingdom who caught one of his favored ones doing bad. A man he’d trusted. A man he’d been good to. And instead of being mad at the man, the king felt compassion for him and released him and forgave him the bad.

And the forgiven man was happy. Very happy.

But then someone did something bad to the man-set-free and he got mad. So he grabbed the mean man by the throat and started to choke him and threaten him and demand that he be put in prison like he deserved.

And the story made the girl sad, for she knew she was like the set-free-man wanting to choke the badness out of the one who’d been mean to her. Wanting to strike back. Demanding the mean one away.

And she turned to see the king staring right into her eyes- right into the heart of the girl-who’d-been-made-good. And she saw tears flowing down His heart.

And I am that girl.

The girl-with-the-bad-heart-made-good demanding the mean one away.

I see His tears. I know His mercy for a bad one and I know that now it’s my turn.

God help me.

From my heart,

Diane

PS: Next week read more about what it means to forgive and how…

NOT YOUR OWN

“…You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”

I Corinthians 6:20

My body doesn’t belong to me anymore.

I gave it away many years ago. In one great, heroic act of worship, I laid all of who I am down at the feet of the Savior who paid for my freedom with His life.

Facing that kind of love, what else could I do? It wasn’t hard for me to see that I had failed. Messed up. Sinned.

What was nearly impossible to wrap my head around was the idea that Someone loved me so much that He’d actually left everything to rescue me.

I still don’t really get it.

I don’t think the Apostle Paul fully grasped this kind of love either, but he sure tried. And he urged everyone who knew him to respond to God’s all encompassing love by offering Him everything in return.

Even our bodies.

Therefore, I urge you,(sisters) in view of God’s mercy,

To offer your bodies as living sacrifices,

Holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.

Romans 12:1

And that’s the idea behind this new thing a bunch of us crazy women at Solid Rock are about to embark on. We’re calling it… Not Your Own… in simple recognition of the fact that we have a Master who owns us lock, stock and barrel—bodies included, so it’s high time we all took care of ‘em!

Here’s what you’ll need to know if you’d like to get on board and do this thing with the rest of us:

  1. Since our bodies need exercise and our minds need goals and our souls need friends, we’re going to tackle all three by enlisting a great big group of us for the Helvetia Walk/Run on June 11th at Hillsboro Stadium.

Yep, you heard me right. We’re going to invade the place with a whole big bunch of crazy ladies walking, running, dashing, watching, strolling, and cheering each other on as we move these bodies enough to get ‘em in some semblance of healthiness.

  1. To help us do that, Jodi Stilp is going to take over the blog every Saturday with words of advice, plans for action, stories of courage, and remedies for all the aches and pains we’ll be feeling along the way.
  2. We’re not talking Olympic athletes here. We come in all shapes and sizes, levels and ages. Bring your kids, enroll your granny, grab your best friend. If you can walk, jog, run, or just watch, WE WANT YOU!

And one more thing: Wouldn’t this be a wonderful way to introduce your friend/sister/mom/niece to this crazy fun life we’re all living with each other at Solid Rock? Every woman I know wants what we have- a circle of girlfriends who laugh with us, support us, egg us on, and love us. What’s more, we have a Savior who makes it all possible. Will you invite someone outside of this circle to come along?

Tune in next week to hear what Jodi has to say and for training tips to get you started.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. For more on our bodies not being our own... please listen to the teaching John Mark did on this a while back called Part 2/Temple (conversations on the body, the soul, food, sex and why everything is spiritual)

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EtcIntentional Parents
EVERY MORNING

This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth,

but you shall meditate on it day and night,

so that you may be careful to do according to all this is written in it;

for then you will make your way prosperous and then you will have success.”

Joshua 1:8

NASB

“Blessed is the man…

his delight is in the law of the LORD,

and in His law he meditates day and night.

And he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in its season,

and its leaf does not wither;

and in whatever he does, he prospers.”

Psalm 1:2,3

NASB

Every morning for 32 years I’ve watched my husband read his Bible.

Every morning. When he’s sick, when he’s on vacation, when he’s late, and when he stayed up too late.

Do the math, girls. That’s 11,392 mornings! And actually, if you want to get picky, we’ve been married for thirty-two years and 7 months... so you’ve got to throw in at least another 210 mornings…

His routine rarely varies. He gets up, does the whole yawning, stretching, mussing up his hair thing, and pads on down barefoot to the kitchen, where he brews a pot of coffee. Over the years he’s gone from Yuban to Costco’s, to Starbucks, to Peet’s coffee beans. He’s perked, dripped, boiled, and French-pressed.

While he waits, he glances at the paper. A real paper, the kind that leaves ink on your fingers and gets delivered every day.

Once the dog’s been let out and coffee poured, he shuffles back upstairs straight to his chair. This is most definitely His Chair. Leather worn and molded to the man he is. A big chair for a big man.

He turns the desk clock his way just to keep an eye on the time. Sometimes he has an extra moment or two to sink a little deeper. Most mornings, though, he’s right to business.

The same Bible he’s read for every one of those 32 years falls open where he marked his place the day before. A chart drops out, all marked up, crossed out, and checked off. Two chapters of the Old Testament, one of the New, a chapter of Proverbs, a Psalm or two.

Every morning.

Is it any wonder that every one of our four now-grown kids loves and knows and relishes the Word of God? Or that they follow the same routine (minus the paper or the dog) as their dad? Or that the oldest is in seminary and the youngest in Bible College because they just can’t get enough to know all they want to know? Or that both our daughters married men who do the same thing?

Phil is the wisest man I know. He’s our go-to guy when any of us has a question about where that verse is or what story was that…a sort of walking concordance. Not only that, but he’s unwaveringly clear about how to live and what’s okay and what we just don’t do because we’re Comers.

People who live in and under the God who wrote the Book we read every single day of every single year for all of our lives.

That’s the man I married.

From my heart,

Diane

EtcIntentional Parents
SHINES THROUGH: by jodi stilp

This morning I woke up battling a bad cold and anxiety over a parenting issue.  My throat hurt, my head throbbed and my spirit was heavy. The last thing I wanted to do was go for a run, but I forced myself out of my pajamas and into my running clothes.

It was a crisp, cool morning, the birds were singing, and the sun was peeking through the fog.  I pushed off for my run and decided that this morning I would set speed training aside, and instead run for the love of the sport and the release that it brings.

I started to sweat and felt the tension slowly slipping away.  I stopped noticing my aching head and my sore throat.  My mind absorbed the lyrics of Josh White’s song To Burn in You. He sings,

O Lord, I am like the moon

Without the Sun

I hang in darkness too.

So be the light,

The light that shines through

Reflect off me

The love that comes from You.

And it all comes down to this

Jesus I must confess

I won’t be afraid

To step into Your flame

To burn, to burn in You my love.

My mind drifted from Josh’s songs to the problems I faced as a mom.  My feet pounded the pavement and I dialogued with Jesus.  I poured out my frustration, my inadequacies, my doubts that I was the right woman to train the children He entrusted to me.  I cried over my daughter and the tough spot she put herself in.  I begged for wisdom, discernment, and mental fortitude.

The sun burned off the fog and beat down on me, warming the top of my head, my shoulders, and the tips of my icy fingers.  The Son, Jesus my Savior and Redeemer, burned off the fog in my spirit too, warming my heart to His love, renewing my mind with His truth, melting the icy anxiety controlling my mood.  When I finished my run, all seemed right in the world. My circumstances hadn’t changed, but my spirit was renewed and my joy restored.

Hours later, I read with delight Psalm 94:18-19, “When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your love, O LORD, supported me.  When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.” Isn’t it just like God to use Josh’s song and His Word to affirm His love and His desire to reflect it off me to those in my life?

What about you?  Has God been speaking to your spirit as you’ve been out this week walking or running in His world?  Have you been refreshed by your obedience that moved you off the couch and forward in your exercise program?  Have you noticed your aches and pains receding? My prayer is that you will feel Jesus’ love supporting you this week, especially in the moments when your feet are slipping and anxiety is great within.

Persevering With You,

Jodi

EtcIntentional Parents
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EtcIntentional Parents
SLEEP

Q: How do you tackle the issue of making sure our children keep a schedule and letting your baby “cry it out” if they just won’t go to sleep even though they ARE tired? My husband and I felt strongly that the “crying out” method was not something we wanted to do, but there comes a point where they need to learn to fall asleep on their own. We don’t want to ignore her cries. Our LORD always answers our cries, and I desire to take my way of parenting from Him. I am just not sure what to do.

A: First of all, let me stop a minute to highlight a remarkably wise phrase, “I desire to take my way of parenting from Him.” What wisdom! Now as you open the Scriptures, every single passage and verse and principle will apply to the way you and your husband guide your child into maturity. Since the Bible is vague about specifics (such as sleep training), you will need to reach into what the Word teaches about how God relates to us in learning to relate to your child wisely.

That said, I need to correct a misperception, one I have heard often in response to this idea of allowing a child to cry.

God does not always answer our cries- at least not in a way we can hear and feel and understand.

What better example of this than Jesus’ last moment on the Cross? God’s own Son cried out in despair,

“My God, my God why hast Thou forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46, Mark 15:34)

There is no explaining this gut-wrenching anguish away. Jesus felt abandoned.

God did not reach down and rescue Him, nor did He relieve His pain. In that pivotal  moment in time, God chose to step back and watch.

Why?

To understand this, we have to turn to Psalm 22.  Jesus was quoting this “Cry of Anguish and Son of Praise” as He submitted Himself to the agony of the cross.

“My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me? Far from my deliverance are the words of my groaning. O my God, I cry by day, but Thou dost not answer; and by night, but I have no rest.”

Do you see what Jesus was saying? Sometimes God is silent. Agonizingly so. But read on, there is always a reason for His silence.

“Yet Thou art holy, O Thou who art enthroned upon the praises of Israel. In Thee our fathers trusted; they trusted, and Thou didst deliver them. They cried out, and were delivered; in Thee they trusted and were not disappointed.”

Here’s what we can learn from the way the Father dealt with His Son: when God does not give us what we want, we can and must trust Him to care for us as He believes best.

After listening to hundreds and hundreds of hurting women over more than three decades in ministry, I have come to believe that the person most likely to grow into beauty by trails, is the one who understands that her sole “work” is to entrust her life to Jesus’ loving care- even when it hurts.

We mothers have a unique opportunity to carve this concept deep into our children’s hearts as we live out the loving care our Father gives us.

And that, is a very long way of explaining why I do believe that sometimes a mother’s most loving act is to watch from a distance while her child cries out his frustration at having to go to sleep when he really doesn’t want to.

Every one of my four children had to learn this lesson in infancy. But like the Father, I was always there, hovering close, listening to the tone of their cries, timing the duration, sometimes coming in to pat his back and gently insist that he go to sleep. And when the sobs went on too long, I would go in and rock and sing to him until he could settle into exhausted slumber.

A little practical advice:

  1. The earlier the better. Once a child is mobile enough to sit up in the crib, grab onto the bars, and stand screaming for relief, there is hardly a mother alive who is going to be able to outlast him.
  2. Do everything you can to establish a strict routine around bedtime and nap time. Turn off any t.v., read a story, rock him while you sing the same song (we about wore out Amazing Grace- it’s the perfect tempo for a rocking chair). Many children just need a lot of help winding down.
  3. Pick up any messes in his room. Some children need visual peace before they can settle down to sleep.
  4. Choose a soft blanket that is used only for bedtime. Don’t let him carry it around while he is playing. This becomes another signal to the child’s heart and mind that sleep is good and comforting and welcome.
  5. Be aware that this too shall pass. Don’t give in too easily. Every child seems to go through periods of resisting sleep. Your job is to decide for him if he physically and mentally needs the rest. That is not his decision to make.

Over time, your child will learn to trust you. He will know that you are always there for him, but not at his beck and call. He will respect your authority in his life. As inconsequential as naptime may seem on the surface, I believe it is one of your first opportunities to train your child to someday submit his will to God. The writer of Psalm 22 seemed to understand this:

“Yet Thou art He who didst bring me forth from the womb; Thou didst make me trust when upon my mother’s breasts. Upon Thee I was cast from birth; though has been my God from my mother’s womb.” Psalm 22:9,10

From my heart,

Diane

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EtcIntentional Parents
Asking: when God says yes

“And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus.

But seeing the wind, he became afraid,

and beginning to sink, he cried out, saying,

Lord, save me!

Matthew 14:29,30

Peter was this really gutsy guy.  Brave, bold, the first one to try anything. And those very qualities he was so proud of sometimes got him into trouble.

There was one time when he was really scared. Of course, he wouldn’t have admitted it for the world. A ferocious storm had come up and the boat he was in was “tormented by the waves, for the wind was contrary.” Can’t you see those twelve macho fishermen huddled in the bottom of the boat?  Looking up, they spotted what they were sure was a ghost coming to get them. Everyone, including Peter, started crying.

Contrary winds will do that to you.

As soon as He saw what was going on, Jesus, who was walking along on those crazy waves, spoke to them, saying,

Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.

Then Peter did the strangest thing.  He challenged Jesus to order him to walk on water.“Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”

And He did. With just a simple word, Come.

So Peter clambered out of that boat right into those contrary wind driven waves.

So bold. So brave. So stupid.

He’d gotten himself into a real predicament now and he knew it.  Here he was, in the middle a massive storm, battered by the wind, and the boat with the rest of his compadres drifting way behind him.

“He became afraid.”

Stark raving terror.

Have you been there? On those waves, surrounded by out-of-control panic, sinking fast?

I’ll bet you did exactly what Peter did. I’ll bet you prayed.

“Lord, save me!”

Big, invincible, self-sufficient, got-it-all-together, me.  Short and sweet.

"Help!"

And He did. Jesus just stretched out His big beautiful hand and took hold of poor Peter before he had so much as a chance to get water up his nostrils. He gave the guy a good talking to right there out on the water. “Oh you of little faith, why do you doubt?” Then He lifted a now considerably humbled fisherman into the boat and the wind stopped.

Wow. That’s a story.

Do you have a story like that of your own? Has Jesus ever reached out His big, beautiful, powerful hand to you and rescued you right then and there from something really bad? Like sinking deep into something contrary and terrifying that was all your own fault?

Will you write it down?  Send it in? Let us all know how really great God is?

‘Cuz sometimes we just need to remember how big He is when those winds take us for a ride.

From my heart,

Diane

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EtcIntentional Parents
ABBA, PATER: daddy, father

“Abba, Father, everything is possible for You.

Please take this cup of suffering away from me.

Yet I want Your will

Not mine.”

Mark 14:36

NLT

The Meaning of His Name:

Father Knows Best. Those words lit up the television screens around the nation when I was a little girl.  Right there, in black and white, we sat transfixed as a bold and benevolent Robert Young proceeded to solve every problem and fix anything broken in everybody’s life. Lovely.

And a terrible lie.

For in every decade since, sons and daughters have watched as their dads disintegrated. Families fell apart as this figure who was supposed to have all the answers chased fleeting dreams and failed to love faithfully. Caving in to passivity and pornography and selfishness and stupidity, fathers have become the butt of jokes.  Horrible.

And another lie.

We have a real Father. He invites us to call Him Abba, that intimate first name that bubbles out of a baby’s mouth.  This is the name Jesus cried in the garden as He agonized over the path that lay before Him.

“Abba, Father, everything and anything is possible with You.

Won’t you rescue me from this reality?

Ah, but its not my way that matters- I’m all Yours.”[1]

This is the name that tucks us in as we go to sleep each night.  With soft words and assurances of His care, we sleep easy with a Father watching over our lives— fending off nightmares and pouring out peace.

This is the name we snuggle into when all the chaos of our relationships threatened to yank us from His heart.  When people hurt us and life feels threatening, we have a great lap to climb into where His steady heartbeat assures us that we are never, ever alone.

Just as Jesus did, we cry this name when we are afraid, when we dread what we must do, when no one else understands.

When we crave a Father who knows best.

This is the name God gives Himself just for us, for He is…Abba, Father.

And that’s the beautiful truth.

From my heart,

Diane

Mark 14:36

Luke 15

Matthew 6:9-13

Luke 11:1-4

A rich idea for study:

In Jesus’ story as told by John, He uses this name, Father, 156 times.  Look each of these instances up using a concordance.  You’ll find treasures there as you delve into the intimate relationship between the Father and His Son.


[1] My paraphrase of Jesus’ words in Mark 14:36

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EtcIntentional Parents
I WANT TO BE LIKE BECKY

Becky is my friend. Sometimes I call her my best friend, but then I stammer and back away and try to explain how that could be when, after all, I hardly ever see her. Don’t best friends hang out all the time? Invade each other’s houses for a laugh and a cup of tea and just some time?

We don’t do that. Ever. Well, hardly ever.

The last time Becky came over was months and months ago and I haven’t been by her house in at least a year… and she lives not more than 6 or 7 miles from me.

Best friends?

I’m not even sure if her number is in my cell phone anymore. She changed hers a while ago and I never took the time to relabel the digits with her name. But that’s okay because we hardly ever call.

I got her a Christmas present this year but she forgot but that’s okay because last year I forgot and she remembered. Christmas is weeks and weeks gone by but her present still sits, all wrapped pretty, perched inside my cupboard as if to say, “Let’s go to Becky’s!”

Someday I will.

Like I said, Becky is my best friend. She knows my insides and lets me be who I really am right now. No changes, nothing more than I seem to be and yet a whole lot more than I wish I was.

How does she do that?

Well, we talk a lot, but not out loud. Back and forth with words on screens across the silence. An endless conversation with long pauses in between to ponder and to live, to think and to pray. I spill my heart and she takes it in, dares to let me see hers all unfettered, without guards or walls. We dream, each in our own world, and share our dreams with no one else.

I wish I’d saved them, all these words.

We met, Becky and I, through a friend who saw us both. Sitting by a pool in that sun-splashed land we talked. Kids and loves, books and men, treasures shared. Me straining hard to hear, she struggling hard to say and somehow hearts spoke and spirits heard and we became friends.

Then I had the surgery and my hearing got better and my world bigger.

And Becky got sicker. Some strange diagnosis nobody understands with stranger still ideas of what to do and when it might stop. Her world shrank small.

But we stayed friends. Real friends. Best friends.

There’s just something about Becky, something uncluttered, something safe. She doesn’t need me, you see, not like I need her. She drinks in beauty and gives it away. Opening my eyes to her unhurried world of books and birds and rose bushes she cannot prune… and hope.

This girl is filled with hope.

Just last week the family van broke and got hauled away to wherever vans go when they die. Instead of wailing and praying and bemoaning her bad luck, Becky laughed. She took pictures and wrote memories and brought her kids into the van-goes-to-junkyard party. She let me come too. I’m still laughing at the hilarity of a woman who celebrates such a thing. A woman who creates beauty from what no one else sees the same. That’s Becky.

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And I want to be like her. I want to be free to let go of all I want, to delight in where I am. Now, today.

More than anything, I want her take on God.

He’s everything to Becky. Her provider and her peace, her joy every single day. He’s the reason she doesn’t weep as her van is hauled away with nothing to replace it. He’s the reason she writes her words of hope and real-honest-to-goodness happiness. And I think, really, He’s the reason she’s willing to be best friends with a woman (me!) who rarely gives her a moment of her day.

Becky is one of those rare and lovely women who actually, really believe that God is good and that in His goodness she can relax and rest and trust and delight even when everything all around her goes bad.

That’s Becky. My best friend.

From my heart,

Diane

Is there someone in your life who exemplifies a quality you long for?

EtcIntentional Parents
Jodi's Story: by jodi stilp

When Jodi Hughes, Ministry to Women Coordinator at Solid Rock, turned 59 in July 2009 she immediately started thinking about turning 60 the next year.  To celebrate this milestone birthday, she wanted to tackle a challenge she’d never done before.  Jodi had cheered her daughter, Anne, on at many races and was amazed by the different shapes, sizes and ages of the athletes out on the course.  She saw some old, overweight ladies crossing the finish line and thought, “How on earth are they doing that?  On second thought, why couldn’t I?”  Jodi decided to shoot for the moon and walk a half marathon (13.1 miles). A self-described non-athlete, Jodi began her journey overweight with yet-to-be diagnosed health issues.  She told no one about her plan when she secretly started walking.  Her first walk was fifteen slow-and-steady minutes.  It went better than she expected and she gained some confidence.  Over time she slowly increased the amount of minutes she was walking.

In October 2009 she swore Anne to secrecy and disclosed her plan to walk a half marathon.  They chose a June 2010 half marathon, immediately booked a vacation house, and registered Jodi for the race.  Jodi also told a close friend about the race and they began training together.  Their walks became an avenue to expand their friendship, get healthy, and stay accountable to their goals.

When she didn’t walk with her friend, Jodi walked with God. Walking became a mental resting time for Jodi, her moments of Sabbath in a busy day.  It was her time to take a collective deep breath, soak in the scenery, and let God minister to her heart.

Then January 2010 came.  The winter weather made it tough to get outside and the frequency of Jodi’s walks began to taper.  It didn’t help that Jodi was feeling really awful.  She attributed it to getting older and had no idea that in reality she was very sick.  Jodi’s vision was blurry; her leg was numb.  She suffered from debilitating headaches and sleep deprivation.  Always a cool, calm administrator, she began to feel like she was losing her focus.   Jodi decided to go to the doctor for a physical but neglected to schedule the required follow-up appointment.

By April 2010 she was at the end of herself.  “Body, soul and spirit – everything tanked.” She broke down in front of a friend and then prayed, “Lord, if you want me to go back to the doctor make it obvious.” The very next day she listened in shock as her doctor ran down the laundry list of all that was wrong with her broken body.  “High blood pressure, high cholesterol, triglycerides that were out of whack, type two diabetes and blood sugar levels that were closing in on emergent.”

(Jodi and her granddaughter, Olivia - December  2009)

Jodi’s diagnosis terrified her.  Head reeling, she knew things had to change. Her options were to manage her diabetes with high doses of medications that had crippling side effects, or manage her diabetes with lower doses of medications, exercise and a healthy diet.   Jodi opted against letting the meds rule her life and set out to change her lifestyle.

The first thing Jodi tackled was her eating habits.  Her pre-diagnosis modus operandi was to forget to eat all day and carb up at night, consuming foods that comforted both her appetite and her emotions.  Jodi kicked comfort eating to the curb and said “no” to any and all diet plans. She learned her daily caloric intake and began fueling her body with the right kinds of foods by embracing a balanced eating program.  She ate three healthy meals and two snacks a day, switched her breads to whole wheat, and fell in love with veggies.

Jodi started walking again, this time twice a day for 30-minute intervals.  She never did “anything over-the-top or knocked herself out” with her exercise routine.  She set goals that were comfortable for her and committed to making her walks non-negotiable.

As she got better, Jodi realized just how sick she had been and how much better she felt each day.  She had renewed physical and mental energy to enjoy her walks and push herself toward her half marathon goal.  The extra weight she carried began to melt away and within months she lost 50 pounds!

(Jodi and her granddaughter, Olivia - December  2010)

Jodi learned to manage her diabetes while she exercised and put this knowledge to good use on June 26, 2010, when she walked an entire half marathon, finishing the course one minute ahead of her goal time.  Way to go Jodi!

(Jodi and Anne after the 1/2 marathon in Sunriver)

(Jodi's Family: Aylssa, Anne and Olivia)

I asked Jodi what her biggest fitness challenge is.  She surprised me by saying, “I’m in it right now.  It is a challenge to switch from dramatic crisis exercise goals to exercising strictly because I’m Not My Own.  I want to exercise as an act of worship and have that vision be the motivation that holds me to the lifestyle changes I’ve made.”

When I asked Jodi how she’s overcoming this challenge, she got really passionate.  “The only way I’ve found to overcome this is to intentionally choose to obey.  I’ve been meditating on the truth that either Jesus is my Master or sin is my master.  There is no gray area. When I disobey, I allow sin to reign in my life.  When I obey by exercising, I am willingly making myself a slave to God.”

Jodi offered this encouragement to women facing large health hurdles and weight loss challenges.

  • Just start. Choose an attainable goal and stick with it.
  • You don’t have to run. You can walk your way to good health.
  • Go to Jesus instead of food. This goes back to the question of who is your master - sin or Jesus?

Jodi chose to let Jesus be her Master.  She chose to move forward one step at a time.  She plans to walk the 10k on June 11th and wants to know who will be joining her.  Galatians 5:25 says,  “Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” Won’t you tie on your walking shoes, start moving forward, and keep in step with the Spirit?

Persevering With You,

Jodi

A few more things:

  • Jodi Hughes would like to invite you to walk with her this Tuesday morning at 8:30am. If you would like to join her, meet her under the Bethany Village sign 4756 NW Bethany Blvd at 8:15am. If you would like more information, please contact us at hespeaks@ajesuschurch.org.
  • We have created a group on Facebook called Not Your Own. Join and start connecting and training with other women from Solid Rock. Click here to join.
  • Check out the Toolbox icon to the right of the page for links to training schedules, workouts, gear, etc.
  • Don't forget to click the Join Us icon and let us know you are on board!
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EtcIntentional Parents
CAR

Q: I have a daughter who screams in the car. It is so loud that it physically affects everyone in the car. How can I effectively handle this? Waiting until we drive home is too long to listen to the screaming, but pulling over every 30 seconds is not always an option.

A: I am going to make the assumption that this is child is not a baby, but a child who knows better than to scream at the top of her lungs every time she gets in the car.

First off, you need to ask yourself why your child is screaming.

  • Is she carsick?
  • Is she bored?
  • Have you had her strapped in her car seat for way too long, cramming just a few more errands into an already too long day?

If these are the reasons for her screaming, then distraction may be your wisest course of action. Music, books on tape, special toys just for the cars, a bag of healthy munchies, and a bottle of water usually work wonders to distract a child who simply cannot understand why she has to sit still and be quiet for such a long time.

Or is you sweet little sunshine just madder than a hornet that you’re making her do something she doesn’t want to be doing right now?

One thing you absolutely cannot continue to do is to ignore her behavior. Her screaming is disrespectful of others in the car with her and disobedient to your authority. Either one of those must be dealt with firmly and consistently. If, after having spoken calmly with her and directing her in what she can and cannot do while in the car, she still screams, then it is time for a well measured spanking. Usually waiting until you get home is best. That gives everyone time to think and pray and calm down enough to administer the discipline safely. But you’re going to have to be consistent. Some children will test you again and again on this.

Remember why you’re doing this, mothers- because you are helping your child become a lovely, self-controlled person whose dignity and beauty give grace to everyone in every circumstance.

She’s well worth the trouble!

From my heart,

Diane

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EtcIntentional Parents
ASKING: yes, no, later, and something better

“Call to Me and I will answer you…”

Jeremiah 33:3

I absolutely do believe that God answers prayer.

No doubt whatsoever in my mind. Its all over Scripture, from the very beginning to the very last verse. Every story, every promise, every prophesy, and every teaching enforces the incredible, glorious truth that God answers prayer.

Problem is, He doesn’t always say Yes.

Just like when my grandson asks me for a handful of M&M’s. Sometimes I say, yes. In fact, I usually say yes (don’t tell his mom).

But sometimes I say, not now, later, after you eat your dinner.

And sometimes I say no.

(my grandson Jude)

No you can’t have M&M’s because they’ll make you hyper and crazy and grouchy and you’ll hit your brother and then where will we be?

And then there are those other times when I say no, because I have something much better in mind. Let’s hop in the car and go to Cold Stone and get us big bowl of ice cream all smothered in M&M’s.

Which of those do you suppose Jude prefers?

And that’s the way it is with God too.

Sometimes He says yes,

Sometimes later,

Sometimes NO, and

Sometimes He’s got something better in mind.

But always, always, always, He answers prayer.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. The Library page is up and running! We will be adding more books soon. Click here to take a peak!

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NOT ENOUGH

“This is the new covenant I will make with My people on that day, says the Lord:

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I will put my laws in their hearts so they will understand them,

and I will write them on their minds so they will obey them.”

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Then He adds,

“I will never again remember their sins and lawless deeds.”

Hebrews 10:16-17

NLT

A year ago a bad man hurt a good woman very badly.

As soon as I heard I went running to that woman as fast as I could. Just dropped everything and flew to be with her. This is a woman I’ve been loving my whole life and so when I wrapped her in my arms I gathered all her pain and stuffed it deep within my own heart. I breathed her hurt down, inhaling the rejection, the betrayal, the audacity of what he’d done to her.

He became my enemy.

Together we gathered what was left of her life and swept all the broken shards into a pitiful pile.

We plucked out of the remains what we knew was still good: a courageous son, a feisty daughter, a lovely refuge of a home, a job worth doing, and a whole slew of living, breathing, involved people who’d rally round to see her through.

And it was not enough. Not nearly enough.

Eventually I had to go back to my own life and all that hurt came home with me. Only it changed clothes a little on the way back. As I unpacked my suitcase, out spilled indignation…which simmered into anger…and soon boiled into a raging bitterness.

I was mad. And the funny thing is that I wanted everyone else as mad as me. And when they weren’t, I got mad at them.

Not fun.

I knew I needed to forgive, but how do you honestly, authentically, down-deep-in-your-bones forgive someone who doesn’t seem really sorry?

How do you let go of that roiling rage that lurks long after the deed is done?

And further, are you sure you should?

So I did what every woman does when she doesn’t know what to do- I called a friend. Actually, I emailed all my madness to my friend in one long seething missive which must have seared her eyes as she absorbed my words.

She, wise friend that she is, waited a while to answer back.

Take a long look at Hebrews 10:26-31, she wrote me. Then read it again, but this time in the context of the entire chapter.

So I did. The passage she referred to is normally kind of hard to swallow. All about deliberate sin and terrible judgment and raging fire that will consume God’s enemies- not exactly cross-stitch quotable. In fact, it rather took my breath away.

I don’t want that! Not even for him, not even for all the suffering he’s caused so many.

When faced with God’s idea of justice my own anger backed off a notch or two.

Then I started back at the beginning of the chapter and read all about how the old way of trying to be good and saying sorry and doing sacrificial stuff never did work very well.

So God stepped in… and Jesus came and He lived and He loved and He told stories and then He climbed on that Cross and He died because there was just no other way to free us from the sin we couldn’t stop doing.

And He did this for me.

Even with all my audacious ugliness and purposeful faithlessness and self-righteous reasoning of why it wasn’t my fault.

Just like the bad man who did the good woman wrong.

All my anger did was point a finger back at my own badness. The stuff I’m not really very sorry for, the bad stuff I do over and over again. The stuff I think, the stuff I say, the stuff that really hurts God’s heart.

My friend is still hurting and life isn’t easy and this story can’t get wrapped up all neat and tidy.

But I’ve lived a lesson I’d thought I’d learned a long time ago. A lesson about forgiving not because someone deserves it or has apologized enough or is sincerely sorry enough, but because I’ve been forgiven so much.

And for now, that is enough.

From my heart,

Diane Comer

"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32 (NASB)

Jesus told a whole story about this in Matthew 18:21-35

Do you have a favorite verse or passage of Scripture that keeps reminding you of how to live and how to forgive way beyond yourself?

EtcIntentional Parents
YELED/PAIS: child

“To us a child is born…”

Isaiah 9:6

“And they began to be merry.”

Luke 15:24

The Meaning of His Name:

The ancient artists often depicted Jesus as a child sitting solemnly on His mother’s lap.  Head surrounded by a golden halo, a reverently subtle smile on His face, He sat still and serene while Mary wondered.

Of course she wondered!  Probably worried too!  What was wrong with the boy?  My three grandsons have never sat solemnly or smiled subtly in their entire lives!  Instead they wiggle and giggle and delight in the silliest of games. My grandboys laugh at me- and I’m not in the least bit funny. They fairly come out of their skin with excitement when Pops comes through the door.

Life is a great big game of wonder and discovery to Jude and Mo and Duke and every other little boy who ever sat in Mama’s lap.

How intriguing that God gave Himself this name, Child. Both in the Hebrew earliest writings and then on into the Greek New Testament, this captivating appellation pops up again and again.  Why?  What is it about Him that is child-like?  And how does He enter our burdensome lives and be a Child to us?

Shouldn’t we ponder this as Mary did?

There are other hints in the ancient writings of this child-likeness of God.  In the book of Proverbs, God writes through David about the beginning days of creation.  Using poetic language, He describes the process of forming this world we live in. In contrast to the succinct description in the first chapters of Genesis, this account makes it sound like He was having a blast! He’s dancing and singing and generally having a grand party (let your imagination loose in Proverbs 8:22-31). Then there’s Zephaniah, who somehow saw God doing a jig in delight over us! (I’m serious- read it for yourself in Zephaniah 3:17) Not convinced?  What about the party that takes place in the heaven every time a sinner repents? (Luke 15:10) Can you just imagine the frenzy during the alter call of a Billy Graham crusade?

God is a Child. Just reading that gives me the shivers- shivers and quivers of delight!  He’s inviting you to reach into His child-likeness and delight with Him. To take joy, as only a child can, in caterpillars and crunchy leaves and chocolate cookies. To lighten up a little.  To brighten at the first hints of His presence.  To laugh.

Will you?

After all, He is… the Child.

From My Heart,

Diane

Isaiah 9:2-7

Zephaniah 3:14-20

Proverbs 8

Matthew 1,2

Luke 2:1-40

Luke 15:10,21-32

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EtcIntentional Parents
ANGER: PART 1

Q: Can you give me some ideas on how to train my child to take responsibility for his angry outbursts? When he’s mad, he just lashes out at everyone around him. How can I teach him a better way of dealing with his feelings?

A: First of all, let me commend you for your wisdom. Viewing your role as a trainer in your child’s life is absolutely essential if you are going to be involved in the process of helping him grow into a godly, God-honoring adult.

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There are some things you can do to help him to direct all that angry energy into an appropriate response. Rather than just tell him “stop it!”, you can teach him how to act when he feels so mad.

Again, the fourth chapter of Ephesians gives us some ideas…

Wisdom from Ephesians…

  • Speak up (Eph 4:25) Don’t pretend it doesn’t bother you, don’t ignore the hurt feelings.
  • Speak truth (Eph 4:25) No embellishment, no bombastic exaggeration, just the facts.
  • Speak soon (Eph 4:26) Don’t let it simmer and stew over time, deal with the problem the day it happens whenever possible.
  • Speak carefully. No “unwholesome words” (Eph 4:29) This term in the Greek can be translated rotten words.
  • Speak grace into the person’s life who angered/offended/hurt you. (Eph 4:29) Rather than end the confrontation coldly, teach your child (and yourself!) to add that one last bit of beauty for an ongoing relationship- grace. (for a look at what that looks like in real life, take a long look at Eph 4:32)

Keep at it, dear moms! These angry confrontations are really important moments. They are a chance to step in and mold your child’s mind to the Kingdom way of doing life. These inconvenient, uncomfortable times are an opportunity to turn him again and again away from himself as king, to yielding his will to the lordship of Jesus. Someday, he’ll be glad you did- and so will you…

From my heart,

Diane

When your child demonstrates this kind of anger by hitting or yelling or just being plain ol’ mean and grouchy, you need to intervene immediately. Here are a few

  1. Never answer his/her anger with anger of your own.
  2. Never allow a child to lash out physically in an aggressive response to his anger. Hitting a wall, slamming a door, kicking a toy across the room, are all dangerously threatening to everyone around them. That is not ever okay.
  3. Slow everything down the moment you notice his anger boiling to the surface. Being in a hurry often tips a child over the edge. In fact, slowing your life down may be the single most effective way to keep anger from becoming a persistent problem.
  4. Never allow your child to get his way as a result of his anger. Many adults use anger to manipulate and intimidate people to get their way. An angry response should be an absolute guarantee that he won’t get whatever it is he wants in your home.

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EtcIntentional Parents