Q: Can you give me some ideas on how to train my child to take responsibility for his angry outbursts? When he’s mad, he just lashes out at everyone around him. How can I teach him a better way of dealing with his feelings?

A: First of all, let me commend you for your wisdom. Viewing your role as a trainer in your child’s life is absolutely essential if you are going to be involved in the process of helping him grow into a godly, God-honoring adult.

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There are some things you can do to help him to direct all that angry energy into an appropriate response. Rather than just tell him “stop it!”, you can teach him how to act when he feels so mad.

Again, the fourth chapter of Ephesians gives us some ideas…

Wisdom from Ephesians…

  • Speak up (Eph 4:25) Don’t pretend it doesn’t bother you, don’t ignore the hurt feelings.
  • Speak truth (Eph 4:25) No embellishment, no bombastic exaggeration, just the facts.
  • Speak soon (Eph 4:26) Don’t let it simmer and stew over time, deal with the problem the day it happens whenever possible.
  • Speak carefully. No “unwholesome words” (Eph 4:29) This term in the Greek can be translated rotten words.
  • Speak grace into the person’s life who angered/offended/hurt you. (Eph 4:29) Rather than end the confrontation coldly, teach your child (and yourself!) to add that one last bit of beauty for an ongoing relationship- grace. (for a look at what that looks like in real life, take a long look at Eph 4:32)

Keep at it, dear moms! These angry confrontations are really important moments. They are a chance to step in and mold your child’s mind to the Kingdom way of doing life. These inconvenient, uncomfortable times are an opportunity to turn him again and again away from himself as king, to yielding his will to the lordship of Jesus. Someday, he’ll be glad you did- and so will you…

From my heart,


When your child demonstrates this kind of anger by hitting or yelling or just being plain ol’ mean and grouchy, you need to intervene immediately. Here are a few

  1. Never answer his/her anger with anger of your own.
  2. Never allow a child to lash out physically in an aggressive response to his anger. Hitting a wall, slamming a door, kicking a toy across the room, are all dangerously threatening to everyone around them. That is not ever okay.
  3. Slow everything down the moment you notice his anger boiling to the surface. Being in a hurry often tips a child over the edge. In fact, slowing your life down may be the single most effective way to keep anger from becoming a persistent problem.
  4. Never allow your child to get his way as a result of his anger. Many adults use anger to manipulate and intimidate people to get their way. An angry response should be an absolute guarantee that he won’t get whatever it is he wants in your home.

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