Dear girls, Many years ago, God did a deep carving in my heart. He met me in a place of soul-churning anger and ugliness and despair. I was loosing my hearing and terrified of what my future might look like.
Just a few months before the real trial began, I had prayed earnestly that He would lead me to a place of satisfaction. I was a mom with 3 small children, a godly husband, a beautiful home— everything I’d ever wanted— and I wasn’t happy.
I didn’t know then what I know now— that rest and peace and real happiness are not found in a way of life. That only when I live curled up close to the Father’s heart, hid deep in Him, lost in the wonder of who He is and how He loves even me— only then am I satisfied.
In this series we’ve called He’s Not Your Prince Charming, I’ve been trying to paint a picture of a life of letting go of the things you think will make you happy— namely, that man who is supposed to ride into your life on a white steed and sweep you off your feet so that you will be happy forever— and grasp hold of the One who will.
And you’ve been listening, longing for more of Him.
I hear it in your comments and cries over relationships that aren’t what you wish them to be. In your uncomfortable attempts to settle into a skin that doesn’t fit.
I read the wonder as you begin to understand, to hold on tight to your real Lover.
For months now, my daughter, Elizabeth, and I have been talking about her own uncomfortableness. I’ve rambled on and on and prayed and listened and hoped… because words from mom are not enough to settle the longing inside.
My story is mine and her story is hers and sometimes I can’t say what I mean in a way even my own girl can understand… you know what I mean?
But He can. The One who calls Himself the Word, He spoke words to my daughter’s unrest a few mornings ago and she sent those words to me. And she’s so filled with hope and joy at what He said that she’s allowed me to pass it on to you.
May the One who is your Prince Charming speak to you through Elizabeth today…
Dissatisfied— the emotion that has made it’s way deep into my life and is pulsing through my veins.
I am slowly dying, drowning in a sea of not enough, not good enough, not perfect enough. Grasping at every quick fix possible to fill my lungs with one more breath.
A clean home… only to be marked by toddler fingers and little boy shoes.
A new outfit to make me feel pretty… only until I venture out again and my eyes see something better.
An experience… only be found empty when it doesn’t fill my lack.
Joy comes and goes like the morning fog; thick for a moment, then quickly lifted and replaced by rain.
How do I move from this running wheel of ups and downs? This silent killer of not enough?
My efforts are temporary at best but my Father’s are forever; for the now and not yet.
He said He is the vine. To grow and thrive and produce fruit, all I have to do is stay connected to the vine. To Him.
Nothing can sever me from that life-giving vine.
No bad day.
No messy house.
No un-answered dream.
The two become one… the vine and the branch. The striving ceases and God’s design is set into motion.
“I am the vine, you are the branches; He who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
Then the miracle of real life begins.
There is rest.
There is growth.
There is joy.
Joy that is not made by me… like a wind that touches my skin one moment and is gone the next.
Joy that is concrete. Unwavering in the big storms… and the small.
“These things I have spoken to you so that MY joy may be in you, and that YOUR joy may be made full” John 15:11
My joy. That thing I grasp at the clouds for until my fists can clench no more. That feeling I try to manufacture with all the tools I know… and am still found lacking.
It can be made FULL!
His joy in me makes my joy full.
No more searching. No more self helps. No more band-aids of temporary relief.
The real thing.
I choose His way today. And tomorrow and the next.
My joy is no longer missing— He has been found.
From a joy filled heart,