(image by Hillary Kupish)
INTENT: goal, purpose, design, plan, aim
Dear Matt and Simona,
After months of planning and preparations, endless lists and endless work, the wedding is over. The two of you stood before friends and family, before God Himself, and said, “I Do.”
The wonder of your wedding day is still sending ripples of delight in my mind, memories I will cherish for a long, long while.
Simona, your elegance cast a magical beauty over the entire day. Matt, your laughter lit the night with joy. Could your grin have gotten any bigger?
We waved you off with our blessing and our prayers. And then your dad and I turned to each other, grasped hands, and prayed. We asked God to fill your night with the joy of discovery. To fill your hearts with confidence. To fill your minds with pictures of beauty. To fill your honeymoon with memories you will both relish forever.
And we prayed that you would both remember what we’ve told you:
That the purpose of your honeymoon is to know and be known. It is the beginning of a lifetime quest for two people to so understand each other that they begin to think as one. To meld bodies and lives and hopes and dreams into an unbreakable bond of wholeness.
To become one.
And to that end, it is a set apart time. This is not simply a vacation. Not just an expensive adventure. If you get a little sightseeing in on the side, great! But you’ll have lots of vacations and only one honeymoon.
Your honeymoon is a time for the unveiling of yourselves to each other. For undressing, and uncovering. It is a long anticipated choosing to be “naked and unashamed”. To be before each other just as you are, without masks or covering.
You have both waited for this— have guarded yourselves and each other in anticipation of a lifetime of unrestricted passion. You love each other. You want each other. You have waited for intimacy on the promise that this gift is best unwrapped under the covenant of forever.
Forever begins now.
But a great honeymoon doesn’t happen by accident. Like most things of high value, you will have to be intentional about this time. You will not want to squander the potential of this beginning. And so I have put together a short list of ways to purposely create an environment in which you will both thrive. A list of guidelines in order to intentionally write your history well.
Six Guidelines For A Great Honeymoon:
1. Guard these days
That may mean you’ll need to turn off your phones. Do not return texts. Don’t like anybody’s pictures or messages or requests. Instead, turn all your attention to each other. Too soon you’ll be stressed by the tensions of all the other demands on your time. Now is the time just for one another.
2. Give yourself completely
It takes a tremendous amount of trust to unveil your real selves to another person. To not pretend. But those who do will have the reward of a love that is real.
Two cannot become one if there is hiddenness.
This is the time to tell each other what hurts deeply, what gives you courage, why you fell in love and what you hope the years ahead will hold.
And it is a time to be all about the other. To coax and allure each other into a safe place.
3. Laugh a lot
Instead of taking yourselves too seriously, allow room for hilarity. Sex is fun! Sure, the timing can be complicated, but learning is the best part. Be gentle with each other, be friendly and affectionate, don’t try too hard to imitate the movies- sex just isn’t always so hot and instant, especially at the beginning. Have a blast learning to get it right.
Then bask in the rush of emotions that will have your redefining the word happiness.
4. Affirm each other frequently
You both need to hear the unedited pleasure of each other. Don’t hold back, say it, show it, tell each other what makes you feel like you’re coming out of your skin with the joy of it. And then say it again.
Please, please, please do not allow even one discouraging word to shadow your intimacy. If you have a mean moment, apologize immediately.
This is a sacred time, honor that.
4. Spend time alone with God each day
As absorbed as you are with each other, you’ll be in danger of imposing too much need on each other unless you each spend time alone with the One who is your “life that is truly life.” Honor each other’s individual-ness by giving each other space to be alone with God. Then come together and share what He’s telling you. This is the way to greatest intimacy.
And one last word of advice:
6. Have Fun!
Flirt, rest, jest, tease, talk, sleep, eat, indulge, play! Be lazy. Relish beauty. Find gifts for each other. Write notes. Tell stories. Crack jokes. Swim in the ocean, splash in puddles. Saturate all your senses with the pure joy life.
My dear son and daughter, take these days as the gift that they are. You are free, you are healthy, you have plenty, you are loved.
With much love and hope for the two of you,
P.S. For those who are reading: Do you have anything to add? Or any questions to ask?
Let’s start a conversation for a few weeks on what you hope, what you wish, what you’d do different in order to intentionally write the story of your first days as husband and wife.