Be strong and courageous!
Speak truth, each one of you...
My dear son,
I’ve been writing for a long time now my answer to your question, "Mom, what should I look for in a wife?"
I’ve talked about gentleness and joy, strength to serve, and strength in God. I’ve also written hard things about tendencies that ought to raise red flags before you decide for a lifetime.
Now I sense a need to write some instruction for you and your men-friends about how to really love a woman.
I want you to know beyond what you see, to delve a little deeper into the way God crafted His Eves. We’re so entirely different than men that it’s not only possible, but probable, that if you treat a woman just the way you want to be treated, you’ll get it all wrong.
And so, from a mom to her son, some advice...
Women long to be led.
We really do. The number one complaint I hear over and over again from beautiful young women is how uncomfortable they are with the lack of clear relational direction they get from guys.
Did he just ask me on a date?
Or are we hanging out?
If so, why?
Does he want another buddy?
Or could he possibly be interested in me as a woman?
Am I supposed to pay when we go out for coffee? Or is he?
The guessing game just drives women crazy!!
When a woman is left to guess at what you mean when you haven’t been entirely clear she feels confused… and just a little bit resentful.
Delightfully joyful women become subdued, peaceful women turn anxious, shy women withdraw, while others assume more than you meant. Not good.
If friendship is all you’re after, say it right up front.
I enjoy your company, I’d just like to be friends with you.
You’re fun and interesting, could we hang out sometime just as friends?
I’ve enjoyed talking to you, would you go out with me so we can get to know each other better?
or, in the words of your father more than 35 years ago:
Diane, You’re a beautiful woman and I want to know you more, but I don’t date just to date. I’d like to take you out with the purpose of getting to know each other with the future in mind. Would that be okay with you?
To which I could barely croak out a yes, as I started making plans to elope.
Seriously, Matt, I think I fell in love with your dad in that moment of clear, gentle leadership. And that’s the way he’s been leading me and loving me for all our lives together.
It isn’t easy, I know. I’ve agonized with you, and your brother before you, over the sheer terror of transparent leadership.
There is risk involved, great risk!
You could get laughed at (unlikely), rejected (possibly), or hurt (it happens).
You will have risked and won or risked and lost but you will have been honorable and forthright and courageous.
You will have led like a man.
Praying for courage and honesty for you and all your friends,
Am I right girls?