Posts tagged James 1:5
CAN WE JUST BE FRIENDS? or might there be more?

Hi Diane!

Before I go on with my question I would just like to let you know how much of a blessing it is to to have access to such wonderful wisdom! I always look forward to a new "Love Story" posting every week. I have grown and gained so much from reading them. Thank you for allowing the Lord use you in life changing ways.

OK, my question. It's about guys and girls being friends. Is it possible to remain JUST friends??

I'm in a situation where I have recently befriended this dashing, godly young fella. I have more than every single reason in the world to be friends with him. He is the initiator in the friendship. He's the one who calls me to see what I'm up to and drops by to visit with me. He's a Bible nerd (heck yes!!) He offers to pay if we end up going out somewhere. He's a prefect gentleman! What girl in my position wouldn't think that?


It was great in the beginning, I strictly had friendly feelings for this guy. It's been about a month and a couple weeks since we met. And the first time we met, it was instantaneous friendship from that moment on.

Now, the friend feelings for him are...blossoming into something else. I've been praying for God to help me maintain my "brother in Christ" view for him but it's not working!! I'm pretty sure he likes hanging out with me because I don't "like" him and that pressure isn't there.

Oooh little does he know, unfortunately. I absolutely value this friendship and don't want to do anything to ruin it.

I was always raised to believe that if a girl is going to be friends with a guy, then something better happen.

Ultra conservative? Or rational point of view? I don't know.

Any advice?

Thank you from the bottom of my heart :)

Dear Friend,

What a bright and cheerful email on this gloomy day! Thank you for your encouraging words and honesty about your heart.

Let me just answer as a mom- I am certainly no expert in relationships between men and women, but I do have 2 godly sons and 2 lovely daughters and sort of a front seat to the reality of today's dating/friendship story.

I do think its possible for guys and girls to remain friends and just enjoy each other's company and very different perspectives. However… it rarely works for very long. The very things that attract you to the friendship often create a response in your heart for what you know you want and are made for- a deeply spiritual friendship oneness that blossoms into romance and marriage.

And that's a good thing.

Don't apologize for that! It means you are a woman- passionate and loyal and getting ready to bind yourself to a man's vision and calling for the rest of your life.

A very good thing.

That said, how do you know for sure that he's not interested in more? At a retreat I spoke at last weekend I urged the women to learn to be inviting. To let the guy they are interested in knowing better know that you would welcome his initiative should he so choose.

Have you done that?

Remember, guys are often sort of clueless (sorry guys!) and so very different than women. They fear intense emotions in the beginning of a relationship, because they are often not sure what to do in response if their own emotions are a little milder, so don't come on too strong. But perhaps it is time to let him know that you think he is amazing- godly and kind and a leader whose life fascinates you. Admire him and don't hold back on the verbal affection that every person alive craves and needs.

Is there risk that he will back off? Yes, but in that you'll need to entrust this whole attraction to God. He knows what and who is best for you. The worst thing you could do, would be to so fear losing the friendship that you never let him know that your heart is becoming drawn to him.

You'll lose this friendship eventually anyway, you know. Once he starts a romantic relationship with someone else you'll have to back away from this close of a friendship.

As to the way you were raised to believe that all male friendships must lead to a relationship… or else, we both know that's not really true. And its way too much pressure anyway. My son, Matt has a couple of friends who willingly speak into his life from time to time- mainly about relationships from a womanly viewpoint. He doesn't spend vast amounts of time with them, but they hang out in groups and keep in touch as more of a sisterly relationship. He values those young women and they have helped him overcome some of that masculine denseness that so frustrates young women. Yet if they were to spend too much time together and talk and call frequently I think it would eventually lead to something or ruin the friendship.

So… there's a mom's perspective.

Now take this whole thing to the Lord, lay it out before Him with all the honesty you've given me, open your Bible to James 1:5 and ask your Father for His wisdom. He'll give it to you generously… and then do what He says with perfect peace and trust in His great love for you and involvement in your future.

And I'd love to know what happens…

From my heart,