Dear Son, Many months ago you came to me with a pressing question. I could see all the bottled up worry working its way through your limbs… fidgets, incessant nose rubbing, scratching imaginary irritants—you were itching and twitching with anxiety.
And of course, that got me worried! What’s going on? What’s the matter? I barely got my concern out of my mouth when your words burst like an unkinked hose.
“I don’t know what’s the matter. I want to move deeper into a committed relationship with this girl. She’s perfect in every way. She loves God passionately, likes me, encourages me, shares my goals, is funny and gorgeous… but I feel like God keeps saying ‘No, wait’. And I don’t know why. What’s wrong? Is it me? Is it her?”
On and on you spilled your angst at not knowing what God seemed to be saying to you. You thought you knew your own heart, but not God’s. And that bothered you...A lot.
So I told you what I learned, "You are experiencing what the preachers and writers and listeners from times past used to call 'a check in your spirit'”.
Wait... “If you do not know what you ought to do stand still until you do.” F.B. Meyer wrote that Be still... Shh. Quiet all that noisy self-talk Stop talking... to your friends, to yourself Listen… until you’ve had a chance to hear that voice and figure out what He’s hinting at
What do you hear in the silence?
Is there a nagging worry you’ve tried to ignore? Something not quite right but not blatantly bad?
Or are you just afraid...
That you’ll be labeled a player if a few weeks from now you realize you just don’t click? That you might get hurt? Embarrassed? Rejected? Or are you, perhaps, still ingrained with the mystic idea that ‘the one’ is waiting just around the corner to fulfill all your dreams? The perfect match. Your soul mate.
Son, you know, I don’t believe in perfect-soul-mate-matches-made-in-heaven. More often, I see two God-centered people blending and giving and compromising and rubbing off rough edges and working it out and figuring it out and becoming one… and that’s rarely easy or ideal or especially romantic.
Too many soul-probing questions without definitive answers?
I have learned not to push those questions underground because God speaks so quietly. He presses on our soul subtly. He asks us to lean in a little closer, He invites us to linger over Scripture a little longer.
So here’s my list of mom-made advice:
- Stand still
- Lighten up
- Go play soccer with some friends
- Savor a cup of coffee and a good book
- Don’t force it
- Have fun
And then go talk to Dad, because he’s not so mystical about finding God’s path. He’ll ask questions and write pro’s and con’s charts on yellow pads of paper. He’ll say, “Invite her over!” and then he’ll embarrass you and make everyone laugh and you’ll know a lot about how you really feel.
And so next Monday, I’ll post just what your dad has to say. Maybe he’s got a story to tell…
From my heart,
Questions & Comments: Go ahead and ask and I’ll try to answer as best I can.
- How this looks in real life?
- Do you have a question about what I mean?