For lots of reasons, yesterday was hard. I came home depleted, drained, unable to do much of anything for the rest of the day. Instead of pushing away those feelings as I would normally would, I decided to just listen to my sadness for a while. I’ve been learning that God isn’t afraid of our feelings and that He invites us to sit in His presence and just be with Him in the midst of what we don’t want or like.
I didn’t ask for anything or try to solve it. I didn’t seek solutions or try to figure it out. I just let my heart ache in companionship with the Father. I curled up by the fire to simply be with my Savior. To be okay with unsolvable sadness.
I went to bed early, knowing that taking care of my body is sometimes the seemingly unspiritual but actually most trustful thing I can do when there's nothing else to do.
Then this morning, as if He’d been preparing a feast for me all day yesterday, my soul’s hunger brought me to a table groaning with fresh goodness. He opened the eyes of my truest self and sat with me while I feasted on His faithfulness.
He began to teach me, in that gentle way of His. I didn't hear any "you ought to’s" or" you should have’s". What I heard instead of judgement was just an introduction to the Way of Delight. A way along which He is willing to take us in hand and train us— train me— how to be a child who delights in Him no matter what.
To learn to delight in Him when my soul is weary.
To learn to delight in Him on hard days.
To learn what it means to come to Him honestly and then to allow Him to take me by the hand and turn my not-in-the-least-bit delightful feelings into real delight. The kind of delight that doesn’t depend on how my day went.
These, my dear friends, are lessons worth learning, truths worth uncovering. To be a delighter in God through all the good days and even on the grey days. To be a woman who actually, really finds delight no matter what.
And to get me to that place I crave, God is going to have to let me have a few of those not good days.
Today is half way through now. I've puttered and worked, created and gone for a walk. And now I"m going to take a few moments to sip tea and just... delight.
From my heart,
P.S. If you’re with me, will you let me know? I’d love to be praying for other delight-seekers.