AWAY A WHILE
Dear girls, I’ve been away awhile… unexpectedly kept from this place of talking with you about all the things that we, as women learning to love God, wear on our hearts and weave into our lives.
Some of you are wondering why… and I know it seems as if I’ve dropped off the face of the world— disappearing from every place I normally talk and listen and generally engage with women I love.
I’ve left Facebook, been absent from Twitter, have hardly Instagrammed, and haven’t written a post in who-knows-how-long.
The fact is…
I’ve been in hiding.
Wrapped myself up tight in my little cottage, hardly venturing out except for long meandering walks and a few leisurely bike rides to clear my head.
Is something wrong?
No! In fact, something is delightfully right.
All about that terrible, horrible, beautiful time in my life when I began to lose my hearing and chose— instead of thankfulness— rebellion. And how this Redeemer rescued me and picked me up out of that pit and washed all the mud and muck away and began teaching me a new song.
I am relishing this foray into my past.
It’s like remembering how you fell in love all those years ago; reliving the sensation of infatuation, of that sense of eager anticipation for what may be ahead.
It is a re-visiting of darkness.
Because if I am to write my story honestly, I have got to delve deep into what I felt, why I rebelled, where I was heading, as I hurled into that place of willfulness— when I declared, with hands on my hips, Not Thine will, but mine be done!
What I didn’t know when I started seriously writing my story was how intense this time would be. I thought I could write a little each day, then go about my normalness: blogging, talking, e-mailing, connecting.
But I can’t.
It’s just too much.
Too much emotion, too many memories, too little mind-space to do normal-life. I’ve been caught up in Dorothy’s tornado and carried away to this an Oz-like land of discovery… or maybe it’s really rediscovery.
Add to that…
Elizabeth moved to L.A.
And since she’s the one who takes my words and weaves her magic by arranging and formatting and entering all the extras into the backend of this blog, it seemed best for a while to give her space to get settled.
But she’s been calling and emailing and texting me insistently with, “Mom, we’ve got to tell them what’s going on!”
And so here I am, emerging for just a moment to tell you what’s going on:
What: I am furiously writing the first, roughest draft of my book. I’m new at this; a novice at writing chapters, weaving story with teaching, finding the balance between what I remember and what I’ve learned. It’s one thing to write an 800 word blog post to women I feel like I know— quite another to keep a stranger’s interest for the 50,000 words I’m slated to write!
When: Though the book will not be published until fall of 2015, it is due much sooner. My hope is to get this draft done this summer and then work closely with my editor to hone and craft it into something legible by my due date.
(yes, this is definitely reminding me of those 4 pregnancies that seemed to consume every second of the nine months!
Why: I just cannot seem to create enough space to write this initial draft of my story and write anything else. I need to get this down on paper and I need to allow myself to be all in on this project— fully present, completely focused.
I’m thinking that is really the best way for all of us, no matter what it is we are called to do--
Being fully present in one place at a time…
Being all over the place, scattered, divided, rushing frantically to catch dropping balls and neglected needs.
I’ll be back
I don’t know when. Soon, I hope. But since this process has taken me by surprise, I’m loath to make any promises, though…
In the mean time, Elizabeth is taking the devotional series I wrote about the Names of God and reformatting them to post for the next little while.
This was her idea…
to remind us about what we know about this One we’re in love with.
We’ll take these weeks to delve in to who He is, how He works in our lives, what it is about Him that wraps our hearts in wonder.
But know this…
I miss so much the interaction I love with the women I love…
It can get a little lonely, talking to myself.
If you see a woman out walking her brown and black and white spotted dog in the woods… stopping to type furiously into her IPhone before she forgets… and singing tonelessly while she wanders the lanes… please wave!
It’s undoubtedly me, taking a break to think… so I can go back to write some more.
Thank you, my dear girls…
for praying for me and encouraging me in this grand adventure of writing. I’ve wanted to write this story for so long… and feared writing this story for so long…
Will you pray that I listen well?
Because that is the only way to write a book about listening to God.
I can’t drum this up on my own. Yes, I’m doing the study, yes I’m working hard… but ultimately it is by listening closely that I know what to write.
“ ‘Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit’, says the LORD of Hosts.” Zechariah 4:6
“… as long as he sought the LORD, God prospered him.” 2 Chronicles 26:5
Listening with my whole heart,
P.S. I would LOVE to hear from you…
- How is God leading you into a place of listening?
- What are you hearing?
- What is He showing you about who He is?
P.S.S. Keep watching for new posts… or sign up to have them sent to your email… I’ve so much being stored up to say!