Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest..." Hebrews 4:11
For months and months and months my every-days have been filled to the brim with must-do’s.
I went to sleep most nights knowing the next day was too full to manage but knowing that if I didn’t manage someone would be mad.
Not as in really mad, but that sort of frustrated, somewhat annoyed mad that makes me cringe inside.
And I’ve been the maddest of all. Mad at myself for not keeping up— for the dog hair I didn’t vacumm, the empty fridge of not-home-made food, for not keeping up with running or weights or plucking my eyebrows or answering e-mails.
Mad at myself for the unkempt piles on my desk that hid invitations I couldn’t accept because I was too busy to go and didn’t even send a card to let her know I wish I could but I can’t.
What’s wrong with me?!
And every time I asked that question in frustration at another ball dropped, I knew.
What’s wrong with me is-- I’m doing too much.
More than I am made for.
More than I can do well… and still be nice… and happy.
Do you know what I’m sayin’?
And so today I start a quest for balance in my life. For rest in my every-days. For a pace that works for me, to match the timer God set inside of me, the heart beat that matches mine.
I’m asking Him to show me what He wants me to do. Not what I want to achieve or what others wish I’d manage or what might make me look better than I am.
What do You want, Lord?
And here’s what I keep hearing:
There is a time to pour out everything. To work hard, and be efficient, and say no to other things that don’t matter as much. To achieve is a good thing-- to achieve for the Kingdom, best of all.
Now its time to rest. To lie down in that green meadow beside the quiet stream. To be still. To breath deeply of God’s beauty and find rest there.
And so today I’ve rested in beauty.
I’ve polished silver teaspoons and clipped the first roses dripping fragrance on the arbor. After I gathered armfuls of peonies I walked… rambled really, with my face soaking in that soft spring mist I love.
And then I sat down in my big chair by the window and spent a while reading… a book I’ve read before… and need again. Her quiet words speaking life back into my tired soul.
In a few minutes my quiet will be invaded by five lively, full-of-fun grandkids. I’ll read stories and start a fairytale I’ve been wanting them to relish along with me. I’ll admire Lego creations and waggle my eyebrows with Sunday as we laugh at all those silly boys.
I’ll have all the time they need to be just me…
And you? Are you too tired? Doing too much? Dropping balls and huffing and puffing and not sure why?
Want to join in me in this quest for rest?
I'd love to hear where you're finding that rest... how you're delighting in beauty... how you're learning to set the pace that brings you fullest joy... And I've a feeling there may just be more posts as we learn together to set His pace for our lives...
From my heart,