LETTERS TO MY SON: A NOTE FROM DAD
Last week I posted the first part of Dad’s letter to you. He packed so much wisdom into his letter that I decided to give it to you in smaller bites so you would be able to absorb it all. Here is the rest of what he wrote about dating and pursuing a woman and listening to God in the midst of it all.
I know you know this, but I’ve just got to say it again— you have a rich heritage of faith gifted to you by a father who has pursued God single-mindedly for all of your life and many years before. And for all those who are listening in, may you grow to be this kind of man by keeping your eyes on the finish line.
After thanking God for His peace and His promise to guide you, here is my “practical” advice:
This is what dating is for!
1. Take it slow
2. Have fun
3. Become friends…
- Can you be yourself with her?
- Do you like just being with her?
- Do you like talking to her?
- Can you share your dreams with her?
- Does she listen as you share your heart with her?
- Does she really like who your are?
- As your generation says it: is she "into you"?
- Do you look forward to the next time you get to be with her?
- Is that growing or diminishing the more you get to know her?
4. Stay pure
- I know I’ve told you this again and again and that you’ve made that commitment already— but remember what 1Timothy 5v2 says. You are to treat young women “as sisters, in all purity”. You wouldn’t make out with your sister!
5. Does it ‘click'?
- I believe God has made us three-part, body, soul, and spirit. When God brings the woman to you that He has for you, it should ‘click’ in all of these three areas.
- You should be physically attracted to her; you should think she’s beautiful! Your wife will need to know this and will want to hear you tell her often!
- You should click in the area of the soul. Do your personalities, your goals, your dreams fit together well? You won’t be the same but you must be a good match, i.e. if you want to have three kids soon after getting married, and she wants to wait ten years and maybe not have any, it’s not a good fit.
- You should fit well in the spiritual area. You both need to know Jesus, love Jesus, and be walking with Jesus.
6. Spend a lot of time with her around people you respect.
- Most should be older and wiser than you.
- Let them observe the two of you together.
- Let them speak into whether or not this relationship should proceed to marriage.
- Although it sounds self-serving, I believe your parents will be a huge part of this.
7. Do you have peace?
- Is God giving you continued peace as you proceed in the relationship? Granted peace is a bit subjective but here’s what I have discovered about peace. You know when you don’t have it! And if you don’t have it, as your Mom said: “Wait! No peace? Don’t move!”
- Because it is either:
- Wrong girl, wrong time.
- Right girl, wrong time; God is saying, “She’s the one, but not yet” or “first finish school”, or “you’re not ready” or “she’s not ready”.
- OR...Right girl, right time!
- And if it is right girl, right time -- Go for it!
- Keep praying, keep seeking counsel, enjoy her company...and when you are ready and able to both support her and spend the rest of your life with her just say…
8. “Will you marry me?”