Dear son, For the past several weeks I’ve been describing to you what a beautiful woman does and how she speaks and what she thinks. And I’ve let you in on some of those ugly traits every woman struggles with too. Things like shaming and manipulating and trying to control. I guess I’m trying to clear the fog in so many young men’s minds, to help you think clearly and well when it comes to women and wives and all that no-man’s-land in between.

Today I want to tell you where these women are hiding. Because I think that many men have no clue where to find women of worth and beauty. And so I’ve made a list, knowing men’s penchant for clarity and brevity and my tendency to talk in circles.


  1. At church, first of all. They’ve dressed, done their hair, prettied all up and come to where they know they’ll be safe to meet God.
  2. In serving roles. Peek your head into the kitchen or coffee areas for the serving beauties. These women are others-centered, willing to get mussed up for the purpose of enhancing all our lives. They’re engulfed in aprons, covered in glory as they bustle about creating community by making coffee and serving it up hot and strong.
  3. At the front door. The greeters are warm and bold and looking out for people who need the hope of a good welcome. These are the ones who are not afraid to leave the safety of their circle of friends in order to bring others in.
  4. In the prayer room. These are the ones overflowing with compassion. They believe in grace and long to wrap others up tight in the Father’s love. These are the encouragers, the pray-ers, the people lovers. If mercy mixed with wisdom is your idea of heaven-on-earth, mosey on over to that prayer room!
  5. In the kid’s areas. These women are fun! You’ll see unedited laughter and abounding energy as the women chase kids around with the love of God. They are not worried about a broken fingernail! They’re too busy arranging a heart full of fun for every child who walks into their hearts.
  6. On the floor with toddlers. They slip off their heels, pull back their hair, and make life safe for insecure little ones. These women are not going to “ewee” at runny noses or stinky bottoms. Instead, you’ll find them rolling up their sleeves and opening up their hearts to embrace the potential of the future.
  7. Holding babies. I gotta tell you, there are raving beauties in the baby section of our church! With the softest smiles and a lovely way of swaying back and forth, these women/girls are covered in glory. You’ll see warmth here, tenderness, the softest of women. If your idea of beauty is a woman who is gentle and sweet, patient enough to handle your manliness, take a good long look at the women in the nursery.
  8. Out on a cold, rainy night to help with the middle schoolers and high schoolers. What you’ll see in here are the women who remember the angst of these years. They’re filled with wisdom and an ability to see right through people’s pretend. These women will be magnificent managers, able to handle the stresses of too much to do. They’re warrior women, unafraid of the potent mix of hormones and testosterone that makes these kids crazy at times.
  9. Sitting next to old people and weak people and less-than-perfect people. Look around on a Sunday. Then look again. See that beauty sitting next to the white haired lady? Or the one with her arm around someone who doesn’t smell right? Can you see her beauty? She’s the kind of woman who will never make fun of you when you can’t seem to get it together. Instead, she’ll see who you really are and ignore the messy stuff. She’s too busy loving to get her feelings easily hurt and too full of love to hurt yours.
  10.  At school. A woman who craves learning will never grow old and crotchety. She’ll keep growing and changing, delighting in the newness of every discovery. This kind of woman will keep you young, she’ll surprise and delight you with learning about life.
  11.  Through Missional Communities. Friends have friends who know friends who know you. Women involved in community and committed to missional living are beautiful! They get the whole dynamic of doing life together in a way that is bigger than our own pressing needs. These women bring meals, offer hope, think creatively, choose authenticity.

Notice what I don’t mention. No bars, no parties, no online dating serves. No juveniles eyeing each other at the mall. No hook ups or set ups or blind dates or weirdness.

Every place I’ve listed includes a description of the kind of women you’ll find there. They don’t wear placards trumpeting their beauty though. In fact, you may have to peer through messed up hair and smeared off lipstick to take a second look. These women may have started their day all prettied up but I guarantee you they’ve let all that go in the process of letting all their loveliness spill onto other’s lives.

Matt, I think its time you and your buddies took another look around for beauty. You might be surprised at where you find it.

From my heart,