Q+A: happiness ever after... or not?

Because so many of the questions that have come flooding in have to do with finding the “right one”, and because I sense so much confusion about God’s purpose in marriage, and because God’s purpose in marriage has everything to do with who the “One” for you ought to be…I went back to listen to what is the best basic teaching on marriage I have ever heard. It was a message preached by John Mark  entitled “Better To Marry Than To Burn” from I Corinthians 7:7-9. For the next few weeks I am going to expand on the Four Reasons God Created Marriage as outlined in John Mark’s message. But first, let’s take a look at John Mark’s conclusions as to why so many marriages do not end in happiness ever after…

Here’s the problem— I would argue the vast majority of people (including myself) get married to be happy. You may want kids, you may want sex, you may want friendship, but really, the driving purpose is happiness.

You want to be happy.

Now, as docile and innocuous as that sounds, that is actually a travesty. That mindset, that agenda (to be happy) primes marriages for disillusionment at best and divorce at worst.

Here’s what you have to understand: happiness in love is the result of a healthy marriage, not the purpose for marriage.

God creates marriage for friendship, mission, sexuality, and family, and the result is Adam sings! Romance. Love. Emotions! And read The Song of Songs! God celebrates romance!

But you need to get it’s the by-product. The after-clap of the marriage is happiness in love. But it’s not the reason for marriage!

That is why so many marriages never get off the ground. People are going into marriage searching for something that isn’t there. Or is there for a while, but then goes away.

People go from one marriage to the next, to the next (or one relationship, or one experience...) searching for happiness, but it’s not there, or it’s there for a fleeting moment, and then it goes away!

I think Hollywood really puts a finger on the pulse of how people think... “This isn’t working. I’m not happy. I want a divorce.”

But what if the goal of marriage is to be holy, not be happy?

And that, my dear friends, is a whole new conversation.

So for the next few weeks we’re going to be taking a fresh look at FOUR REASONS for marriage… and FOUR QUESTIONS to ask yourself while looking for The One… and FOUR AREAS which must align in your relationship in order to make a marriage great.

Of course I’m not a preacher like my son...

I’m a woman… and a mom… and I’ve raised two daughters whose burning questions for so long evolved around guys and The One and is he him?

And I’ve raised two sons too, whose questions were much the same and yet so different… and one of those sons found his One and the other is still searching…

And perhaps most important of all, I am a wife who has found unbelievable purpose and passion and yes, even happiness, in 33 years of being married to my husband, Phil.

So stay tuned…because next up on the Q&A of Love Stories I’ll be answering questions about the first vital aspect of God’s purpose in marriage: friendship.

If you’re wondering how two people can be friends for a life time, even knowing each other in the worst moments… and what to look for in a friendship that can stand up to real life forever…why don’t you email me your questions?

From my heart,


EtcIntentional Parents