For the next few weeks we are shutting down He Speaks In The Silence in order to do some much needed rearranging and redecorating. While a team of talented artists color and create a fresh new design, I will be doing my own version of this update— with words.

Join us in October for our relaunch. On our first day back I’ll be explaining what’s ahead and how you can step a little closer into our community of listeners.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. Why don’t you click on the subscribe button on the right of the page so that

  hespeaksinthesilence.com will be delivered to your inbox the moment we restart and every time we post? 

More than three decades ago a family of six moved into a home around the corner from our tiny house on Trevor Drive in San Jose.  They were just back from the mission field with four teenagers, each of whom quickly rose to leadership in our church’s youth group simply because they were so compelling and cheerful and genuinely godly.

I was pregnant with our first son, reading books and studying methods and just generally terrified that neither of us had any idea how to do this whole parenting/raising children/ life of faith task. This family waltzed into our lives at just the right time to give me courage and hope that maybe we could someday have what they had so beautifully built in their family— an honest-to-goodness Jesus centered home filled with passionate-about-Jesus people.

Bill and Laurie Keyes showed us the way ahead. They inspired us and taught us and encouraged and trained us. They met with us and answered questions, allowed us to poke into their lives, opened up their hearts to us to show us that they were real.

And they poured wisdom into us.

Our four kids grew up on “the Keyes say…” Their words became cornerstones for the way we arranged our lives. Validation for why we did what we did and why we didn’t do things a different way.

Their wisdom made sense to us.

So you can imagine my deep-down delight when they agreed to come and share some of that wisdom with you!

On Saturday morning, September 29^th, Bill and Laurie Keyes will speak at Generations… what every woman ought to know.

If you are like I was all those years ago, a woman seeking wisdom, hope, encouragement, courage. If you long to build a house on the Rock and need the keys to know how— you will not want to miss this!

The Details

When? September 29^th

What time? 9-11 am

Who? Women of any and every age

Childcare? No

What? A lovely light bit of food and drink

Where? Solid Rock Westside

Why? Because there is just so much we women need to know… and Bill and Laurie Keyes have so much wisdom to bring into our questions.

Come! Bring your mom, your sister, your best friend. Bring any woman you know who needs real life wisdom. Because that is exactly what Bill and Laurie do best. They show how to do life wisely.

Really, girls, this is one you absolutely do not want to miss!

From my heart,

Diane

Now in a large house there are not only gold and silver vessels,

but also vessels of wood and of earthenware,

and some to honor and some to dishonor. 

Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from these things,

he will be a vessel for honor,

sanctified,

useful to the Master,

prepared for every good work.

2 Timothy 20,21

NASB

Many years ago my grandmother cleaned out her dining room hutch and passed a box full of silver on to me. My mother didn’t want it for the same reason Great (her nickname once the great grandkids were born) was giving it away: too much trouble.

I’ve always loved anything shiny and glittery and in any way nostalgic, so I took that box into my hands with glee. Shined up and beautiful, I put each item on a shelf and pulled them out to use over and over again.

That was 20 years ago at least. I’ve gotten tired of all that shining, let the pretty things tarnish and turn dull. Gotten used to less beauty, comfortable with the grey.

And then this morning it bothered me. I have no idea why, but that teapot just seemed pathetic sitting there. It looked old, but not in a good way. Just old.

And so I ambitiously got out the polish, dirtied my hands, and gently wiped the grim away. It took all of about 10 minutes to get it clean, even after I threw in every silver thing I could find sitting out.

Ten minutes.

And while I was smearing the pink polish and rinsing all that ugliness away I wondered just a little about me.

My soul. That part of me that gets grimy and dull. Put on a shelf and ignored because its just not pretty.

Who wants to have a tea party with an ugly teapot?

And it takes so little time to shine my soul up. Really. Just a little pink polish: a mixture of confession and repentance and humbling myself enough to submit to the gentle cleansing of my Master.

I put myself in front of Him and say, I want to be clean again. I want to be pretty. Shiny, lovely. Do what You must. Please.

And then I just sit at His feet and listen as He tells me what to let go of. Things like perfectionism, self-pity, worry, resentment… and He washes those dulling things all away. So softly. So kind.

And I like how I feel when He’s done. Not scrubbed and rubbed wrong, but loved and embraced and relieved of the scum so I can be me.

The real me. The me He made me to be in the first place. That me.

I feel useful once again; bright and shiny and waiting to be filled and to pour and to delight.

In ten minutes.

From my heart,

Diane

WEEK ONE

A couple of days ago I took four of my grandkids to the park. It was Jude’s idea initially, that one so full of ideas and possibilities and joy in relationship.

Why don’t we go to a new park together every week?

And then my little idea-man thought about it with twinkling eyes and added,

And we should go for ice cream too! A different place every week.

And so this last Monday I found myself with passel of kids at Ibach Park in Tualatin.

Three three-year-olds and one six year-going-on-thirty. And me.

And do you want to know what? It was the funnest day I’ve had in a long, long time.

I laughed so hard at their show-off antics, marveled at the pure joy of Duke’s running free and fast, stripping off his shirt when it got wet and in the way.

I giggled with Sunday as that girliest of girls played in the mud with her pink painted fingernails.

Watched Mo’s always-thinking face figure out how to get the trickle of water going in the direction he wanted it to flow.

And let Jude lead his troupes into another adventure.

And when I saw all those muddy hands— white and cream and olive and darkest brown— I could hardly catch my breath. These are mine!

My legacy.

My family.

Our day at the park may not be high impact in the scheme of things. I’ll never win a golden award for all the sand I washed down the bathroom sink. The likelihood of their even remembering the day is slim…

But it was my day to love and be loved. To revel in the Father who made us all- and likes the way He made us.

And you know, I just can’t think of a better way to spend my day.

From my heart,

Diane

And let the favor of the LORD our God be upon us:

and give permanence to the work of our hands;

yes, give permanence to the work of our hands.

Psalm 90:17

Dr. Di’s Prescription For Tension Heart Head Aches

Lead me in the right path, O LORD,

Or my enemies will conquer me.

Tell me clearly what to do,

And show me which way to turn.

Psalm 5:8

I got there again this week:

… stressed out of my mind,

… anxious,

… uptight,

… overreacting,

… teary,

… needing to tackle piles looming like Mt. Everest,

… wanting to curl up and hide.

What is my problem? Why can’t I get this right? Will I ever learn?

Coming off the high of a staff retreat with Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs, I crashed just as soon as I walked in the door and stared at the pile on my desk. Just where I left it.

All week my soul responded to Sarah’s words… rest, soul-space, pace yourself.

And all week I wondered how.

Am I really too busy? Or am I simply thinking wrongly about how God views me and how I should see myself?

Should I work harder, stay up later, stuff the angst deeper, blame somebody?

Of course not. But that’s exactly the way I’ve been doing.

And so today I just asked God for wisdom. Again.

And He gave it. Again.

Here’s what I heard, dear friends of mine. And I have a suspicion that this is not just for me, so I swept the piles aside and wrote it down just in case you need it too.

1.    Do beauty

A woman’s soul craves beauty. And my soul was shriveling up, feeling dry and… ugly. So I went out and cut some flowers. Peonies, roses, Jacob’s Ladder, trailing ivy, a sprig of boxwood. Beauty. For me.

2.    Stop being so mean to yourself

I am my own worst enemy. I critique and criticize and berate myself endlessly. No wonder I fall apart if anyone so much as suggests I didn’t get it right! I know this… now I must discipline my thoughts and stop scolding myself. Geez.

3.    Have fun

Here’s my version of fun- curl up with a steaming pot of Marco Polo tea. Tuck a furry blanket around myself. Read something delicious… poetry, or Ann Voskamp or Wangerin or something that just makes me delight in God. Or a story.

If that sounds boring to you, do what you love. Shop, play, dip your toes in water, go to an art museum.

4.    Delve deep

Shake out that other side of my brain that loves to learn and dig just for the fun of it. Get lost in something interesting.

5.    Be quiet

Stop talking- to your girlfriend, to your mom, even to yourself. Shh!! Just listen. When I’m stressed I can’t hear His voice because I’m fussing so loud.

6.    Get real

Stop pretending that you’re fine. Be honest. Be transparent. Allow someone into your secret unhappiness. She’s probably been there before and might just whisk you off to an afternoon of rest that you’d never do alone.

7.    Go running

I am just amazed at how energizing to my brain a good short run is. And when I say run, I really mean jog. Get out in the fresh air and feel the stress slide off your shoulders. Everything just seems to fall into place- keep running until it does.

8.    En-courage

Give someone else a taste of hope. A word or a hug or an “I believe in you, you’re terrific” sort of email. Really, this one is like medicine to my soul. Maybe because its not all about me?!

9.    Make friends with a lefty

Today I am having coffee with one of the most organized, efficient, left brained women I know. She posted on her blog not long ago about her system of keeping all the balls rolling. I couldn’t understand a word she said but I caught a glimpse of something that sounded hopeful. If she can lasso all my right-brained messy creative thoughts into a coherent can-do accomplishment- well, here’s to hope.

10.    Get up early

Think these tasks through while I’m fresh and no one is calling or texting or Face booking or emailing or commenting or saying, “Hey mom, would you…”

11.     Smile

A grin on my face means I’m giving thanks. So simple. So right and godly and good. MUCH better than all these crazy ways we self-medicate!

12.    Touch

Hug, caress, hold, embrace, cuddle, rock. Be a woman with all the passion and affection that brings us alive. If I’m stiff and cold it’s because I’ve died. And I don’t want to be dead.

I look back at my words and am a little embarrassed. Shouldn’t I throw something incredibly profound in here? I mean really— smile? Pick peonies?

And what about my piles?

You know, they just don’t look so awfully high now. In fact after my tea and a few pages of a good book I think I might just go for it.

From my much more rested heart,

Diane

So my friends- how about you?

How are you managing all the things you’re supposed to be doing right now?

Have you figured out ways to simplify your life? Will you share those ideas with us?

I could use some really clear left-brained-organized ideas… as well as some reminders of what’s important and what just isn’t.

 Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself,

and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:33

We sat circled around the table in the waning light. Seven of us leaning forward, listening as women do—nodding, questioning, wanting more.

We needed Sarah’s wisdom, relished her insights. Each of us craving answers to the questions that haunt us.

A moment caught up in intense honesty.

Many years ago, Sarah and her husband, Emmerson, rediscovered a truth long buried in the pages of Scripture. A truth too long ignored by teachers and discounted by readers of God’s Word. A truth they have dedicated their lives to helping the rest of us embrace for ourselves.

That truth is this:

God wired men to need respect like the air they breathe. And He made women to crave love with that same intensity.

And we knew that, all of us in this circle of sisters. Read the books, heard the wisdom, tried to remember how to say the words right.

All of us failing, confessing the flaws, looking sideways to see if anyone knew the depth of our own shame. Of the words we wish we could delete from our histories.

And then Sarah said the words: Why don’t we see this as sin?

Sin?

Not weakness? Not issues? Couldn’t we say simply that we all struggle with this?

Sin?

When I snap at my husband for not getting it right— that’s sin.

When I growl at him because he did it again— that’s sin.

Correct him about inconsequentials in front of wide-eyed little ones— it’s sin.

Deny him the passion his body craves— sin.

Sin.

We don’t like it, any of us.

We’re good girls. Committed wives. Partners with our husbands in ministry and life.

We don’t sin on purpose. We don’t want to. Try hard not to.

But we know she’s right. This is sin, this way we don’t give our husbands the respect they need.

The way we make it their fault. The way we must be right; in control. The way we insist they be what we want because that’s what we’ve heard they should be.

The way we make them less than men.

And I think its time we started talking about this, my dear girls. This need men have for respect and our way too frequent failure to give them the honor God commanded us to hold out to His warriors.

Will you join me in this conversation? Give us your wisdom? Be honest about the discoveries you’ve made the hard way?

I’ll be gathering up your comments and posting a list soon of ways we can show respect the men in our lives.

And another list of ways we communicate dishonor to the men in our lives.

If you haven’t read the book that Emmerson and Sarah wrote about their discovery, order it now. It’s called Love & Respect, The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs.

Honestly, this is the one book I think we cannot afford to do without.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. If you’re single and you want to know how this looks before you get married, Sarah’s daughter, Joy Eggerichs writes a fabulous blog called: love and respect now.