Summer is coming…

School will be out.
The sun will begin to shining.
And your kids will be running around the house looking for fun activities to do.

Come meet at the park to begin building friendships and gain encouragement from mom’s with kids ages 0-7.

We will be gathering in smaller groups at various parks and then coming together once a month as a larger community.

COMBINED GATHERINGS

June 19 @ Magnolia Park in Hillsboro: 18140 NW 192nd Ave. Meet under the shelter

July 17 @ Rood Bridge Park in Hillsboro: 4000 SE Rood Bridge Road. Meet under the shelter

August 14 @ Cook Park in Tigard: 17005 SW 92nd Ave. Meet under the shelter

MONTHLY GATHERINGS

HILLSBORO with Raina Tils
When: Fridays: June 28th, July 12, July 26, August 2, August 9
Time: 11 am to 1 pm
Where: Magnolia Park @ 1810 NW 192nd Ave. Under the shelter

BEAVERTON with Alisa Reese
When: Tuesdays: June 25, July 9, July 23, July 30, August 6
Time: 10 am to 12 pm
Where: H.M. Terpenning Recreation Complex @ 15707 SW Walker Road, Playground under blue tents, south end of complex.

SW PORTLAND  with Becky Bell
When: Wednesdays: June 26, July 10, July 24, July 31, August 7
Time: 10:30 am to 1 pm
Where: Summerlake Park @ 11450 SW Winterlake Drive, Playground at the east end of the park.

WILSONVILLE with Brittany Hill
When: Mondays: June 24, July 8, July 22, July 29, August 5
Time: 10 am to 12:30 pm
Where: Murase Plaza at Memorial Park – Splash Pad. Memorial Drive, Wilsonville

SE PORTLAND with Megan Sauter
When: Wednesdays: June 26, July 10, July 24, July 31, August 7
Time: 1 pm to 3 pm
Where: Mt. Tabor Park Playground, SE 60th Ave. & Salmon St.

VANCOUVER with Tiffany Hagler & Jenny Brock
When: Thursdays: June 27, July 11, July 25, August 1, August 8
Time: 10:30 am to 1:30 pm
Where: Shahala Middle School Playground, 601 SE 192nd Ave. Vancouver, WA

Questions? Send us an email at moms@ajesuschurch.org 

I’m working this morning with Phil on the seminar on the Spiritual Training of children. We’re hunched over the computer trying to edit 50+ pages of material into 50 minutes of teaching. Back and forth, over and over making those hard calls. Do we include this? Should we cut it? What about so-and-so? Won’t this help? Is it too basic? Too wordy?

While I’m working away on this for the next few months I’m going to post some tidbits here in Glimpses each week. Just overflow information that I wish I’d understood all those years ago when my children were being shaped into the people they would become.

Here’s a list of less-than-obvious manifestations of anger in children. If you see some of these habits cropping up in your son or daughter (or yourself!), might I suggest that you ask the Father for wisdom and insight into your child’s heart? Anger left to simmer works havoc with a child’s happiness. And sometimes all it takes is a mama willing to slow down and deal decisively and prayerfully with it before its too late.

Manifestations of Anger: 

• It can be an obvious temper tantrum,
• It can be more subtle like irritability or self-pity.
• It can look like a resentful attitude or
• A pattern of way over-reacting to minor incidents
• Sometimes it is the child who sulks and withdraws. You don’t think of her as angry because she doesn’t necessarily lash out, hers is a more simmering, stuffed down form of anger.
• Lots of angry boys lash out and hit someone, or they bang their fist on the desk.

For the past several weeks I have been getting a flood of questions about dealing with anger in our children. It seems that the more we look at this issue from a Biblical perspective, the more we need to relearn. Much of what we have learned apart from the Scriptures has to do with either suppressing or excusing anger in our children. Yet the Bible does neither. For the next few weeks we are going to take a look into the Word of God to examine the Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How of dealing with anger in our children… and ourselves. I would suggest that every mother/woman/parent take some time to look up the Scriptures quoted, perhaps writing them out on a 3×5 card, in order to readjust the way you think and feel and believe about the very real problem of anger.

How:

Last week we discussed the Biblical view that anger is more than simply an unfortunate response to external circumstances, but is actually a sin rooted in the heart. As disciples of Jesus Christ we orient our thinking around the truths presented in the Word of God.

The world’s studies in psychology and psychiatry can only offer us Band-Aids, not cures for what ails us deep inside. They can only give us strategies to control the angry behavior we encounter in our children.

And that’s not all bad! Sometimes I need a Band-Aid for a while to protect the wound while I am healing.  But none of these methods will create lasting change in the heart.

I know that you wish I would give you an easy 1-2-3 plan right here and now. Do these three things and all those temper tantrums will disappear in less than 10 days! Guaranteed or your money back!

But I can’t and I won’t. Sin has no easy solutions.

However, there is one man who learned to tame his temper. Like the rest of us, he had to learn the hard way. And like some of your children, he had a reputation for volatility. In fact, Jesus, in that appealing way of His, named this man’s sin by nicknaming him and his brother, Boanerges, which means Sons of Thunder,[1] a not-so-subtle reference to their tendency towards ferocious outbursts. Yet towards the end of his life, this same man was re-titled, the Apostle of Love.

How did that happen? Well, let’s take a look at what John himself had to say about sin entrenched in our hearts:

“If we say that we have no sin,

we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

If we confess our sins,

He is faithful and righteous to forgive our sins

And to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

I John 1:8,9

Do you hear that? John’s sin of intense anger was overcome by this ridiculously simple “method”.

Here’s what happened:

1. He acknowledged his sin. No covering up or excusing it or blaming it on others. He was honest about the sin that defined him.
2. He confessed his sin. First of all to God, but then to those he had blasted with his tongue. James 5:16 urges us to confess our sins to one another. David, when dying inside because of his sexual sin, wrote:

“I acknowledged my sin to Thee, and my iniquity I did not hide;

I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD”;

And Thou didst forgive the guilt of my sin.”

Psalm 32:5

1. God forgave his sin. Right then and there. No penance, no shame. The Greek word’s more thorough definition has to do with letting go of the power of sin. It involves liberating a person from the vice grip of sin.
2. God cleansed him of his sin. He freed him from the residual filth of his anger.

This is about as straightforward as it gets. By helping your child to acknowledge and name his sin of anger, and then to confess it to the Lord and whomever he lashed out at, he will be both forgiven and freed. Every time.

Easy? Not on your life. But simple- absolutely. Even a 2 year old can understand this.

And so can you.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. Next week I’ll share with you the steps of discipline we took when dealing with our children’s anger in order to help them arrive at this place of repentance.

[1] Mark 3:17

For the past several weeks I have been getting a flood of questions about dealing with anger in our children. It seems that the more we look at this issue from a Biblical perspective, the more we need to relearn. Much of what we have learned apart from the Scriptures has to do with either suppressing or excusing anger in our children. Yet the Bible does neither. For the next few weeks we are going to take a look into the Word of God to examine the Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How of dealing with anger in our children… and ourselves. I would suggest that every mother/woman/parent take some time to look up the Scriptures quoted, perhaps writing them out on a 3×5 card, in order to readjust the way you think and feel and believe about the very real problem of anger.

Where did all that anger come from?

Have you asked yourself this question at some point of your child’s growth? And maybe you started the blame game. You know how that goes… “This has gotta be from your side of the family… none of us ever lost our tempers like that!” Or maybe you believed that all too pervasive teaching that says that sin is somehow passed down in our DNA, an unavoidable consequence of our forefathers’ mistakes[1]. But that is not what the Bible teaches. Scripture is crystal clear on this question of…

Where?

Anger is rooted in the soul. It begins and grows and murmurs in that part of us that makes up our mind, our will, and our emotions. Jesus put it this way:

“The mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart.”

Yet at the same time, anger can and does have physical manifestations, such as lashing out or what the Bible calls a “fallen countenance”.

‘Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why is your countenance fallen?”

Genesis 4:6

It is important for us, as parents, to remember that the physical triggers are never theroot of anger. That’s why we deal wisely with theheart rather than simply punishing the behavior.

All too often, the secular viewpoint focuses on how to express anger rather than how to get to the root issues of where all that rage is erupting from. Such teachings can give us strategies on howto control angry behavior but they miss the disease that causes it in the first place.

Knowing that your child’s heart is harboring anger will enable you to dig deeper, to pray for wisdom, and to help him to root it out.

How do you do that?

1. Pray for wisdom- James 1:5 is your go-to verse. Ask God for wisdom and then wait for it with the confident expectation that He cares intimately about this problem in your child’s heart. He will bring His wisdom for your uniquely crafted child.
2. Seek counsel- One of the key ways God gives wisdom is through the wise counsel of godly men and women. This is not the same as going around asking anyone and everyone to weigh in on what they think you ought to do. Look for people who are wise in the Word and are willing to be honest enough to tell you what you may not want to hear. Read Proverbs 15:5.
3. Ask questions- Wisdom in Scripture is linked with understanding. Not excusing, mind you, but an honest attempt to discover how God made your child. Proverbs 22:6 —- encourages parents to train their child according to the way they should go. That phrase could be more literally translated, according to their bent. Each and every created person reflects facets of God’s character. Ask questions- both of yourself and of your child to investigate that bent. What pushes his buttons? What begins her meltdown? What is she willing to sin to get? What motivates him?
4. Watch closely- God watches us. Not as an impossible to please task master, but as a loving Father whose ultimate desire for us is that by walking in His ways and knowing His heart we would become who we were always meant to be. Proverbs 5:21 says that our ways always before His eyes and “He watches all his paths.” Watch your little boy or girl. Watch prayerfully. Notice and observe him.
5. Dig deeper- As a parent whose foremost desire for your child is to see him or her envelop his life in God, you are going to need to personally dig deep into God’s Word to find parallels and principles that apply to your child. Don’t wait for someone to spoon-feed you- this is your calling. As you cry out in prayer for your angry child, ask God to lead you to examples in Scripture that will open your understanding and enrich your approach to training your child.

Remember, God knows and loves your child. He sees who He designed him to be and He will never give up on him. And He assignedyouto train him and He has given you all you need to fulfill that task. Next week we’ll begin to take a closer look at howto train your child to conquer anger and live peaceably.

From my heart,

Diane

Scriptures for your study:

2 Peter 1:2-8

Ecclesiastes 7:9

Colossians 3:8-10

Proverbs 4:7-14

[1] An unfortunate misinterpretation of Exodus 34:7

For the past several weeks I have been getting a flood of questions about dealing with anger in our children. It seems that the more we look at this issue from a Biblical perspective, the more we need to relearn. Much of what we have learned apart from the Scriptures has to do with either suppressing or excusing anger in our children. Yet the Bible does neither. For the next few weeks we are going to take a look into the Word of God to examine the Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How of dealing with anger in our children… and ourselves. I would suggest that every mother/woman/parent take some time to look up the Scriptures quoted, perhaps writing them out on a 3×5 card, in order to readjust the way you think and feel and believe about the very real problem of anger.

When:

When is it imperative and appropriate for a mother or father to deal with the anger that rises to the surface and spills out over into a child’s life and relationships?

Always. Every time. Every single time.

This is one of the few issues that come with a sort of no-tolerance clause attached. Remember the story of Moses? He was assigned by God to lead the nation of Israel out of their cruel bondage in Egypt into the Promised Land. He was a hero— a brave man and a fearless leader.  The Israelites should have trusted him after all they’d seen God do through him in convincing Pharaoh to let them go. Instead, they grumbled and complained and balked at every instruction he gave them.

Sound a little like your two year old? Or your teenager?

Moses finally got fed up when he returned from his holy encounter with God on top of Mt. Sinai, that tablet of Ten Commandments tucked under his arm. As he walked down the mountain, the repulsive sight of his redeemed people worshipping a golden calf shocked him. They had melted all the gold that God had provided for them in order to do the one thing He’d entreated them never to do: prostitute themselves to a man-made idol.

When Moses saw how angry God became at their sin he begged the Lord to hold off from wiping them out for the sake of His own reputation amongst the nations.

“So the Lord changed His mind about the harm which He said he would do to His people.”

Moses’ intervention actually changed God’s mind!

When Moses realized that God had actually stayed His hand of punishment, he sang this song:

“The Lord, the Lord God,

compassionate and gracious,

slow to anger,

and abounding in lovingkindness and truth;

who keeps lovingkindness for thousands,

who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin…

and Moses made hast to bow low toward the earth and worship.”

Exodus 34:6,7,8

Yet with all that, Moses later lost his temper with the people when yet one more time they grumbled and complained and tested him sorely.  In one grand display of anger, Moses cut himself off from God’s blessing and cut himself out of the Promised Land by slamming his staff against the rock, calling the Israelites “you rebels[1]”, and lambasting them for their stubbornness. Rather than excuse him, God permanently banned him from entering the place he had spent all those years leading his people to. Because of his sin he was destined to die alone on a mountaintop just within sight of his dream.

God takes anger seriously.

He doesn’t excuse it.

He never ignores it.

He always disciplines it.

Always.

And that’s a lot to think about.

From my heart,

Diane

[1]See how seriously God takes name calling in Matthew 5:21,22

For the past several weeks I have been getting a flood of questions about dealing with anger in our children. It seems that the more we look at this issue from a Biblical perspective, the more we need to relearn. Much of what we have learned apart from the Scriptures has to do with either suppressing or excusing anger in our children. Yet the Bible does neither. For the next few weeks we are going to take a look into the Word of God to examine the Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How of dealing with anger in our children… and ourselves. I would suggest that every mother/woman/parent take some time to look up the Scriptures quoted, perhaps writing them out on a 3×5 card, in order to readjust the way you think and feel and believe about the very real problem of anger.

Galatians 5:19,20,22,23 in the Amplified Bible describes the difference between a person who is acting in the flesh (or naturally) and a person who is living a life filled full of God’s Spirit. I’ve edited the verse down to include just the parts about anger, but you’d be wise to look up the whole passage:

Now the doings (practices) of the flesh are clear—obvious:

They are… strife, jealousy, anger (ill temper), selfishness…

But the fruit of the Spirit (the work which His presence accomplishes)—

is love, joy(gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), goodness (benevolence), faithfulness; (meekness, humility), gentleness, self-control (self-restraint, continence)…

Notice that last word, self-control. It is also translated as self-restraint and, get this, continence. What a strange word! I’m sure you’re thinking just what I am: Depends commercials! And leeky diapers and messiness and putrid odors…

To be an incontinent Christian, or an incontinent mother, or an incontinent child is to be one who leaks out all over the place… at the most inconvenient and embarrassing of times!

We have got to teach our children to control themselves lest they be categorized as one of these angry people to be avoided at all cost.

When anger “leaks” out in an incontinent moment it takes various forms:

• Bitterness
• Self-pity
• Explosions
• Over-reactions
• Jabbing
• Emotional withdrawal
• Hitting- others, oneself, or an object

Again, the Amplified Bible expounds on the breadth of the original language:

Let all bitterness and indignations and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper)

and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contentions)

and slander (evilspeaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you,

with all malice (spite, ill will or baseness of any kind).

Ephesians 4:31

Do you see how seriously God takes anger? He calls it just as it is, never excusing it or hoping it will go away. Though anger is most definitelycommon in families and between siblings, it is by no meansnormalaccording to God’s definition. Therefore, just as you would never dream of simply rolling your eyes at behaviors such as lying and stealing and setting fire to the living room sofa, you must never take any form of anger lightly. It is a destructive sin that will not simply disappear with maturity.

The really good news is that Jesus paid for all that anger on the Cross, and He has given you and your family everything you need to overcome the sin of anger.

From my heart,

Diane

Check out these verses:

2 Peter 1:1-8

Galatians 5:13-26 (see vs. 15 for siblings who pick on each other)

2 Corinthians 9:8

Genesis 4:1-10 (especially vs. 5-7)

For the past several weeks I have been getting a flood of questions about dealing with anger in our children. It seems that the more we look at this issue from a Biblical perspective, the more we need to relearn. Much of what we have learned apart from the Scriptures has to do with either suppressing or excusing anger in our children. Yet the Bible does neither. For the next few weeks we are going to take a look into the Word of God to examine the Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How of dealing with anger in our children… and ourselves. I would suggest that every mother/woman/parent take some time to look up the Scriptures quoted, perhaps writing them out on a 3×5 card, in order to readjust the way you think and feel and believe about the very real problem of anger.

Who:

No one can make you angry. Read that again. No one can make you angry. Angry reactions are always a choice. That is why over and over again in the Scriptures we read verses that implore us not to be angry. To stop it, to cease from anger and turn away from it.

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander

be put away from you, along with all malice.”

Ephesians 4:31

“Be angry and yet do not sin;

do not let the sun go down on your anger,

and do not give the devil an opportunity.”

Ephesians 4:26,27

If you do nothing else to train you child to deal with anger, please, please do this! Teach him that his anger is his responsibility. Period. By teaching him just this one thing, you are not only saving him from a whole lot of trouble as a result of his own anger, but you are also protecting him or her from the angry abuse of another.

Here are some Scriptures to look into:

Proverbs 29:11

Proverbs 19:18,19

Proverbs 22:24,25

Ecclesiastes 7:9

And remember, one of the most effective ways to teach this is when you blow it. When (notice, not if) you respond to you child in an angry way, be quick to apologize sincerely and without excuse. Here’s how that might sound:

“Honey, I am so sorry for raising my voice at you a moment ago. (Be specific) That was wrong of me to do. It is never okay for any of us to yell at each other or to treat each other with disrespect. I have confessed my anger to God and am really sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.”

Follow your confession by affection and then leave it alone. No, but you shouldn’t have… In most instances the misdeed of the child is going to have to be overlooked in light of your angry outburst lest you in some subtle way indicate that he caused your anger.

Like almost every other aspect of training your children in the ways of the Kingdom, this is going to take lots and lots of time. Be patient with yourself and with your child.

And remember… Philippians 1:6

“For I am confident of this very thing,

that He who began a good work in you

will perfect it

until the day of Christ Jesus.”

From my heart,

Diane