Processed with VSCOcam with m5 preset

SOMETHING MORE?

(source)

So dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation whatsoever to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. For if you keep on following it you will perish. But if, through the power of the Holy Spirit, you turn from it and it’s evil deeds, you will live…And since we are His children, we will share His treasures– everything God gives to His Son, Christ, is our, too. But if we are to share His glory, we must also share His suffering.”

Romans 8:12,13,17

NLT

Just this moment I sit in Terminal Six of LAX. A plastic seat is my spot to spy on a whole world of people rushing to somewhere. And since I missed my flight by just a few minutes, I now have hours and hours to wonder where they’re going.

While I wonder, the woman who wouldn’t let me check-in because I was two minutes past the deadline walks by. She’s smiling now, lost her scowl somewhere in the last couple of hours. For at least twenty minutes I was so mad— a victim of her crabbiness, held back from being where I wanted to be by a woman who insisted on controlling the one thing she could- me.

Choking poor-me tears, I had not choice but to surrender. But even as I gave in and paid the fees and trudged to my corner to wait, I heard that insistent tugging I’ve come to know so well.

That voice that beckons. The One whose whispers my self-pity nearly drowned out.

Choose, Diane. You can choose.

Really? Again? Isn’t that just denial? Shouldn’t I allow myself to connect with what I really feel— right now, right here?

And all the long way past the crowds of rushing people to the Starbucks in Terminal Four, I wrestled with the choosing. I wonder if anyone was watching me then as I’m watching now. Did they see the tears pushing close? Hear the thundering fury at my little-bit-of-day at home lost to lateness?

By the time my London Fog[1]was done, the choosing was easier. I heard Him clearer now.

Look for Me here.

Here in LAX, one thousand miles from home, surrounded by strangers. Really? Could this be His plan for me today— not just my mess-up? Could He possibly want me here right now, waiting in a crowded terminal instead of resting in my cozy cottage?

If some well-meaning soul were to flippantly toss out a “God is sovereign” platitude about now, I’d be more than a little annoyed. Sometimes, it seems, that’s just the easy punctuation point to silence someone else’s disappointment. Probably ought to be struck from the Christian phrase book lest someone like me say something less than Christian in response.

But the truth is, I believe it.

Here I sit, a surrendered-to-Jesus woman. How can I not view these “wasted” hours as His? How dare I believe that a tired, cranky airline employee is at fault? Or that I shouldn’t have stopped to talk with Veronica, the very woman Elizabeth is called to bring the love of Jesus to in her new apartment complex?

I am here on purpose. Maybe not something grand and applaudable. Maybe I’ll never know why. Maybe a fully-surrendered-to-Jesus woman doesn’t need to know why.

Maybe she just needs to surrender. Again.

Because when we dare tell Him, “Anything, anywhere, anytime”, He takes that seriously.

Sometimes that means big changes like moving from the comfortable to the daring.

But lots of times it just means allowing my own lateness to lead me to a place of watchful expectation… in Terminal Six at LAX… or in traffic… or in the budget that won’t quite balance… or anywhere.

I am waiting today… and somehow there is joy in this choosing. It’s not what I wanted… but I suspect it is what He wants for me.

God moves in mysterious ways… I believe that. But mostly He just moves in my every-days.

From a heart learning to choose,

Diane

P.S. I’ve been so cheered by your comments this week! Can you tell us what it is you are learning to choose?



[1] A delicious, comforting concoction of hot Earl Grey tea with steamed milk and a bit of vanilla sweetness

Posted
April 30, 2014
In
Features, Glimpses
Tagged as
, , , ,

14 comments... (add a comment)

  1. Tiffany Bennett

    Diane, please know that your frustration (which I know all to well) brings encouragement to me! It’s such a good reminder to know that in every situation no matter how big or small, we have the opportunity to learn one of God’s perfect characteristics. As a side note, a London fog with some peppermint added is glorious! Just in case you want to change it up a but :)

    • diane

      Tiffany,
      That does sound wonderful! I’ll wait til our next Northwest rainy day and relish it. There more to this story that I’ll try to write up this week… crazy day! I think I actually wrote this bit more for me than for anyone else.

  2. I am LEARNING to choose surrendering all and trusting that where he leads me I will follow without letting my ego and ambition in the way! This has been very difficult for a professional single mother of 4 too do:{

    • diane

      Lori,
      I cannot begint to imagine! You must be torn from every side. Praying for His grace to cover the stress in a blanket of peace.

  3. Lisa Thayer

    Diane,

    One of the things I most adore about you is your transparency. It encourages us “girls” t do the same.

    One thing I am learning to choose is to be grateful for this period of time in which I find myself single. My heart’s desire is to one day marry again so I was just waiting..and waiting.

    Until I finally had a epiphany that the Lord has tasks for me to accomplish for Him during this time of singleness that I will not be able to do once I am married again.

    Now I am grateful (not grumbling) and eager (not sitting on the sidelines waiting) to seek what His plan is for me… NOW.

    • diane

      Lisa,
      And the beauty I see in you is part of that eager seeking! He is transforming something truly terrible into rich wisdom you are using to help more of our “girls”.

  4. Michelle Kinnison

    I am learning to choose peace in the chaos of my home. To be a peaceful presence for my family. I am slowly and painfully learning that my children are individuals who I can’t control, but that I can control my response to them and learn how to point them to Jesus. And I am learning to choose flexibility. I won’t always have quiet evenings or mornings or nights, or a couch that doesn’t have a load of clean laundry on it or a clear kitchen counter…but I can choose to look for God here. And He can make a mess beautiful somehow.

    • diane

      Michelle, This is, I believe, one of the keys to a home filled with peace- not a mom insisting on perfect order, but a mom sorting through it all and coming to a balance of little people vs chaos. And you’ll use these lessons all through out your life! Maybe this is why women so often make terrific managers of large companies…

  5. Liv

    I’m learning that being emotionally vulnerable with my friends is the only safe place to be

  6. Jackie

    Wednesday on my way to work, my radiator blew out on 26. Turns out, I had a bad radiator. This Monday, I start my new job (yay!) but my car is currently undrivable. And it’s in the moments where all my other commitments and obligations seem to be too close in time and no way to get there that I have to conciously choose to trust Jesus that He will provide. And so far, He already has. And I know that He will continue. It’s not easy, it’s definitely easier to let the panic an stress kick in and take over. But that’s not what He wants because it kills and steals my joy and puts up a barrier between Him and me. So as I am waitin for my radiator to arrive and be replaced, I am daily choosing to trust Christ that He will work out all the details and humble myself to Him and others.

  7. Heather

    I’m learning to surrender my frustration/angst/stress to God himself. To fully understand that I’m NOT in control. I was just recently in a car accident that totaled my vehicle on Thursday.

    And the words chimed in.. “The Lord who Provides”. I too, let my emotions get the best of me, and still catch the stress welling up to steal my thoughts away. How hard it is not to forget that we are not in control! How hard it is not to forget that it will all work the way God has planned it!

    May we all learn together — learn to trust, and learn to fully surrender!

    My heart to yours!
    Heather

  8. Jacque Baker

    Dear Diane: blessings to you dear sister from Eugene. Not being a girl anymore by virtue of physical age , I revel in being ageless in Jesus, needing to hear valuable life lessons from dear sisters willing to share their heart, vulnerably . Thank you for the lovely reminder of how very involved in every aspect of our lives our Lord desires to be. My own whisperings, well here we have it an interruption, impatience on my part, loosing focus and grumbling.. When in all reality the joy of “having”a precious daughter to interrupt me might be a more Jesus like response. Well at any rate thank you Diane …..

  9. Natalie

    Aaaaah… Such a sweet reminder for me to read this today. I know it’s true and sense it deep down somewhere, during the hum drum of everyday and in the painful circumstances that I so often feel are just the repercussions of some stupid decision or mistake. God is sovereign! What a glorious, weight-lifting truth. Thank you sweet Diane. — And I totally can relate to that (tear brimming) emotional reaction. Isn’t it sometimes just hilarious being a woman?! …and not

  10. Terah

    I believe God used your words to speak to me today. Just as I was locking my teeth in frustration with my four year old not listening AGAIN, I remembered your website. Your thoughtful and wise words pulled me out of my frustration and pointed to God’s grace for me and the grace I needed in turn to pour out my son.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>