DISCIPLINE or DESIRE?
Just the other day I heard the words again…
“I want to read my Bible every day, I really do, but I’m just not disciplined…”
And this from a woman who works out and eats healthy and keeps her multi-tasking life in incredible order and her relationships in tack.
Not disciplined?
I don’t think so.
In fact, I think this highly disciplined woman, who wishes she was more consistent about poking her nose in the Word every day, is believing a lie about herself.
And she’s not alone. I hear it all the time.
I wish… but I don’t… because I’m undisciplined…
Discipline is not the problem.
Desire is!
And the reason the desire isn’t there is not because she’s bad or unspiritual or less-than-what-she-ought-to-be.
It’s because she doesn’t know what she’s missing.
Because if she had any idea how rich and full and satisfying— how need meeting and spirit-lifting this treasure filled time is— she’d never miss it.
And neither would you.
For the first decade or so of my spiritual journey of following after Jesus, I tried to discipline myself to read my Bible. And most of the time I was able to do it.
After all, Phil had led me that way from the beginning of our relationship. Every morning of our marriage I saw my husband get up in time to open the Word and spend anywhere from a few minutes to the better part of an hour systematically working his way from Genesis to Revelation.
But, frankly, I dreaded that discipline. It felt like getting up early to do homework. Not fun. Boring. Work.
Every once in a while something from the words I read reached out and grabbed my mind. But usually it was another’s words, some sort of devotional guide that spoke the loudest. I learned, yes, but I was far from thrilled with the process.
It wasn’t until I fell flat on my face in failure that the Word of God began to come alive for me. Faced with a shattered good-girl image, I became desperate for something more. Desperate to hear God speak to my failure, to show me how to live, what to do, how to sort through my unmanageable feelings.
Kind of like Job:
I had heard about You before,
But now I have seen You with my own eyes.
Job 42:5
NLT
And David:
I used to wander off
Until You disciplined me;
But now I closely follow Your word.
Psalm 119:67
And so my dear, disciplined friends, maybe what we really ought to be praying for is more desire. Asking God to wake us up every morning with the anticipation of a child at Christmas. Expecting God to speak to us, to feed us, to refresh and revive us.
Maybe we should pray that God will bring us to that place of desire as He did David. “ I desire You more than anything on earth.” (Ps, 73:25)
From my heart,
Diane
AMEN!!!!!!!
I have been struggling lately with “finding desire.” Just to realize, yet again, I don’t find it but the Lord imparts it on me when I am willing to simply sit.
I am always busy. I sometimes find that I love being busy too much so when I sit, I feel worthless. But there is nothing more productive, more fruitful, than sitting with my savior because I thrive most in His glory. We all do and that is actually where I am supposed to be in my own.
So thank you for this. For another exciting lesson spoken through you this week! I read Charles Spurgeons devotional “Look unto me” and am a little behind so read a past one from this month. He has been teaching on Spiritual maturity and the simplicity of being enthralled with God. This morning I read something I want to share:
“In the family registry in glory, ‘the small and the great’ (Job 3:19) are written witht he same pen, and you are as dear to your Father’s heart as the greatest in the family. Jesus is very tender and loving toward you, for you are like a ‘smoldering wick” to Him.”
Thanks again Diane!
Hearing your heart is always so refreshing because it is so honest!
Ris, I love this! You said it for all of us who “feel worthless” when we simply sit and yet that is exactly where we get filled so full we can’t help but spill all that beauty onto others. So good. So True. Thank you for your wise and thoughtful response.
Diane-
This is soo true! I didn’t ever read my Bible every day until the day my husband of 24 years sat me down and told me he was moving to an apartment which he had all set up and ready for him.
Needless to say that was the darkest day I have ever encountered and the months to follow dark as well. I literally clung to Jesus in a way I never had before. But those dark dark days took me to this weekend – 5 years of being in the Scriptures very close to every day and a thirst that is never ending. It’s crazy how the Holy Spirit works – and is so comforting. Christ is transforming me in new ways everday to glorify Him – my imperfections and all.
I pray that others will come to that desire as you said, without tragedy to take them there – but however we get to that desire is the sweetest spot and oh so rewarding!
Praying that seeds of desire will take root – for it will change the world!
Great post!
Kim
Dear Kim,
Your story makes me want to weep and sing at the same time. I can just hear the comfort of the Spirit in your words. I think most of us get to that place of desire by failure- either someone else failing us horribly or (as in my case) us failing God. And you nailed it, Kim, “it is the sweetest spot”.
Diane,
I read this post and I flipped over to the “Every Morning” post about Phil. I too have a father who I witness reading the scripture every morning, but I think I sometimes get caught up in “my to-do list” that I don’t always make reading my bible a priority in the morning. I will be praying this week for the Desire like you said. Thank you for the encouraging word. So wonderful to meet you the other night, I look forward to seeing you again!
-Katie
Dear Katie, Don’t you think the Father must love a prayer like that? Must just please Him immensely. Let me know how it goes!
Great post, Diane!
This summer while traveling through Israel, our professor paused in the midst of the Negev (the desert) and read David’s words, “As the deer pants for water, so my soul pants for you, O Lord.” In that hot Israeli sun, standing in the expansive dry land, we caught a glimpse of the environment this deer David spoke of would have been in. And as our professor posed the question, “do you pant for God in this way? Like you are reaching for your water bottles now to quench your thirst?” What a convicting question! I have never forgotten standing there, hearing that question, and thinking that such a thirst for God (His Word, His face, Him) was possible! Discipline is wonderful for a great deal of things, but it a means to an end, not the end itself; for God made us to enjoy being in His presence. He will sometimes respond to our prayer for more desire with trials or difficulties that reveal our already existing (yet sometimes masked) need for Him. It is His goodness to strip us of those things that give us temporal pleasure but rob us of (real) joy!
Cynthia,
What an amazing picture you experienced there in that dry land! Thank you for repainting it for us so we can “see” with our hearts just what David so beautiful crafted with words. May we know our deep need for Him before the trials so that in the midst of hard times we are well practiced in this area of desire. Great comment, thank you!