Proverbs 31:17

She girds herself with strength

And makes her arms strong.

NASB

She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

NIV

She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker.

NLT

Dear son,

You were born into a family of hard-working women. Not a lazy, bon-bon munching, soap opera watching one among us.

Do you remember how your Gramma Ruth used to hustle about the house? Always slightly out of breath as she tackled her tasks? Yet when we’d come for a visit she’d have all the time in the world to sit and listen and laugh in delight at her family. In reality she’d prepared for days in advance, baking, shopping, making up beds, dusting and setting out flowers and fresh towels.

So when we got there she could just enjoy us.

And how about my mom? She’s made quilts for each of us— long hours of cutting and sewing and designing just what we want. Basketball quilts for your cousin, cozy quilts for Rebekah, airplane pillow covers for you. And we won’t even talk about her cookie baking, lest we both start to salivate right here on the page.

And there is a purpose to all their hard work, Matthew.

They both poured their strength into making their families’ lives better. 

This woman described in Proverbs 31 did the same. And we get a hint how in this verse and the ones to come.

First of all, she inconvenienced herself.  She had to tuck her long, flowing robes into her belt so she could work hard and efficiently.

Secondly, she humbled herself. Remember, this was the wife of a king. When she cinched that belt up, she was intentionally choosing to set aside her position of royalty and get to work.

And she strengthened herself. And while this must have included physical strength training, I think it was more than that. I think she purposefully chose not to be whiney and weak and demanding and needy. Instead, she got up early every morning to put on strength of spirit by connecting herself with God and choosing to serve Him by caring for her household.

Matt, look for this kind of woman. And be this kind of man. 

Because this is just what Jesus did when He walked into the Upper Room, just hours before He knew He would die.  He saw (and probably smelled) all those dirty feet of His disciples, knew that none of them were about to tackle the unsavory task, tucked His robe up into His belt, and washed their feet.

And in so doing, He strengthened all of them for the days ahead.

Matthew, ten years from now you’ll most likely be married with a baby and maybe a toddler or two and more work than you can possibly get done in a day. If you have a wife by your side who is willing to put her shoulder to the tasks with you, who cheerfully and vigorously pours herself into whatever needs to be done, who is willing to do more than her fair share just because she’s that kind of woman— well, my son, you’ll be singing her praises just like King Lemuel did.

How can you tell if the woman you date is “energetic and strong, a hard worker”?

Here’s my list for the day: 

1. She makes lists in order to figure out what needs to be done.
2. She keeps a calendar in order to fit it all in.
3. She adds that extra flair to what she does.
4. She whistles while she works- seriously!
5. She knows when to set aside her task and sit and listen.
6. She is all about making others comfortable.
7. She is planning for a future that involves helping others.

I think you can see from this list that the purpose of this woman’s work is not to get rich and famous. She works in order to make the lives of people she loves better, more comfortable, happier… beautiful.

From my heart,

Mom

P.S. Do you have a story of someone who worked for your benefit? Someone who set aside her comfort in order to make your life better?

For the past several weeks I have been getting a flood of questions about dealing with anger in our children. It seems that the more we look at this issue from a Biblical perspective, the more we need to relearn. Much of what we have learned apart from the Scriptures has to do with either suppressing or excusing anger in our children. Yet the Bible does neither. For the next few weeks we are going to take a look into the Word of God to examine the Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How of dealing with anger in our children… and ourselves. I would suggest that every mother/woman/parent take some time to look up the Scriptures quoted, perhaps writing them out on a 3×5 card, in order to readjust the way you think and feel and believe about the very real problem of anger.

Where did all that anger come from?

Have you asked yourself this question at some point of your child’s growth? And maybe you started the blame game. You know how that goes… “This has gotta be from your side of the family… none of us ever lost our tempers like that!” Or maybe you believed that all too pervasive teaching that says that sin is somehow passed down in our DNA, an unavoidable consequence of our forefathers’ mistakes[1]. But that is not what the Bible teaches. Scripture is crystal clear on this question of…

Where?

Anger is rooted in the soul. It begins and grows and murmurs in that part of us that makes up our mind, our will, and our emotions. Jesus put it this way:

“The mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart.”

Yet at the same time, anger can and does have physical manifestations, such as lashing out or what the Bible calls a “fallen countenance”.

‘Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why is your countenance fallen?”

Genesis 4:6

It is important for us, as parents, to remember that the physical triggers are never theroot of anger. That’s why we deal wisely with theheart rather than simply punishing the behavior.

All too often, the secular viewpoint focuses on how to express anger rather than how to get to the root issues of where all that rage is erupting from. Such teachings can give us strategies on howto control angry behavior but they miss the disease that causes it in the first place.

Knowing that your child’s heart is harboring anger will enable you to dig deeper, to pray for wisdom, and to help him to root it out.

How do you do that?

1. Pray for wisdom- James 1:5 is your go-to verse. Ask God for wisdom and then wait for it with the confident expectation that He cares intimately about this problem in your child’s heart. He will bring His wisdom for your uniquely crafted child.
2. Seek counsel- One of the key ways God gives wisdom is through the wise counsel of godly men and women. This is not the same as going around asking anyone and everyone to weigh in on what they think you ought to do. Look for people who are wise in the Word and are willing to be honest enough to tell you what you may not want to hear. Read Proverbs 15:5.
3. Ask questions- Wisdom in Scripture is linked with understanding. Not excusing, mind you, but an honest attempt to discover how God made your child. Proverbs 22:6 —- encourages parents to train their child according to the way they should go. That phrase could be more literally translated, according to their bent. Each and every created person reflects facets of God’s character. Ask questions- both of yourself and of your child to investigate that bent. What pushes his buttons? What begins her meltdown? What is she willing to sin to get? What motivates him?
4. Watch closely- God watches us. Not as an impossible to please task master, but as a loving Father whose ultimate desire for us is that by walking in His ways and knowing His heart we would become who we were always meant to be. Proverbs 5:21 says that our ways always before His eyes and “He watches all his paths.” Watch your little boy or girl. Watch prayerfully. Notice and observe him.
5. Dig deeper- As a parent whose foremost desire for your child is to see him or her envelop his life in God, you are going to need to personally dig deep into God’s Word to find parallels and principles that apply to your child. Don’t wait for someone to spoon-feed you- this is your calling. As you cry out in prayer for your angry child, ask God to lead you to examples in Scripture that will open your understanding and enrich your approach to training your child.

Remember, God knows and loves your child. He sees who He designed him to be and He will never give up on him. And He assignedyouto train him and He has given you all you need to fulfill that task. Next week we’ll begin to take a closer look at howto train your child to conquer anger and live peaceably.

From my heart,

Diane

Scriptures for your study:

2 Peter 1:2-8

Ecclesiastes 7:9

Colossians 3:8-10

Proverbs 4:7-14

[1] An unfortunate misinterpretation of Exodus 34:7

“I am not a runner.”

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that.

I cannot tell you how many times I have said that.

Yet somehow over the years running has become a huge passion of mine (right up there with cooking) and now I want everyone to love it as much as I do! Someday I will share my story with you, but today I want to share a story that is encouraging, inspiring and simply amazing.

Many of you know Jodi Stilp who wrote for us when we did a series called “Not Your Own” and whole bunch of us ran the Helvetia Half Marathon.

Well, Jodi and two of her fellow running friends have started a blog and I wanted to pass on Tanya’s Story to you.

Click here to read her inspiring story!

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

She considers a field and buys it;

From her earnings she plants a vineyard.

Proverbs 31:16

Dear son,

I’m a little nervous about writing this letter. Because we’ve allowed these bits and pieces from my mother-heart to be made public, I run the risk of being misunderstood, of having people cut and paste and take my words to you out of context.

But you know me. You know my heart to help you and to lay a foundation for a strong and beautiful partnership with your wife of someday. God’s Word is infallible, perfect, right, true—but my words aren’t. And so, I ask you, and everyone who reads this to give me a little room. These are my thoughts, my take on what I believe the Scripture teaches, not a rigid box that every husband or every wife or every family must fit into in order to follow after God.

That said, as my son, I want you to know some things about women that many men seem to be unaware of.

We are strong, resilient, adventuresome, loyal, willing to take risks, persistent, and unafraid of great sacrifice for our families.

Who do you think really settled the West? While men most often led the adventure, it is the women who brought their families, their ingenuity, their perceptive skills and adaptivity to the wilderness. Women created homes, carved beauty, cared for fragile lives, and brought control to the chaos of an unsettled land. They work alongside their husbands to make their dreams come true.

And we haven’t really changed. We’re still pioneers at heart, willing to do whatever it takes to see our families thrive.

That’s the kind of woman you will marry someday, Matthew.

And yet, at the same time, we are fragile creatures. We feel deeply. Grief, rejection, pressure, stress, fear, anxiety. We have this capacity for relationship that makes us take responsibility for how everyone in our lives is doing. And sometimes we get lost in the process. Sometimes our men fail to see the vulnerability behind all that strength.

We are impressively capable and yet we are fragile from all that feeling that is inherent to who we are.

So… what has that got to do with this description of a wife who evaluates and plans for the buying of property and then develops it and works it and prospers?

Simply this: In the overarching story of your lives together, your first responsibility is to be the primary provider for the wife you want. Given the right circumstances and the protection and provision of her husband, your wife will thrive, and in that soul strengthening freedom, she will surprise you with her success. But it’s up to you to watch over her lovely, loyal, hard working drive to succeed for the benefit of her family.

First of all, here’s what I don’t mean: that wives should never work outside the home. And here’s what I do mean: that you must guard your own desire for nicer things from pressuring your wife to set aside her family priorities and work more and harder and longer than she should.

Now, life is messy and stuff happens. Men get sick, they lose their jobs, they need further education, they start businesses and need support. I get that. Life, real life, is full of seasons that demand every resource we can bring to the table in order to survive.

What I want to impress on you is the vision of a man who is looking at both the big picture of values and goals and provision for a lifetime, and at the care and nurture of a wife who will, at times, work harder than is good for her in order to make those goals happen. Just watch over her.

Be in charge.

Know your budget.

Stick to it.

Be thankful for what you do have.

Don’t always need more.

Lead your family well.

Let your wife flourish and thrive and think of creative ways to use her gifts to enhance your lives— not to provide for your needs.

Make it your goal to see your wife in her sweet spot. That place where she wakes up with a smile on her face because she gets to be both productive and creative, at the same time knowing that her family is growing and thriving under her care. Make that your goal, Matt, and you will be copying what Jesus does with us, the Church, His bride.

Husbands, love your wives,

just as Christ also loved the church and

gave Himself up for her,

so that He might sanctify her,

having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

that He might present to Himself the church

in all her glory,

having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing;

but that she would be holy and blameless. 

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh,    but nourishes and cherishes it,

just as Christ also does the church,

Ephesians 5:25-29

I know this is a lot of weight to put on a man’s shoulders, my son. And yet I also know that God has given you what it takes to imitate Him in this kind of loving. Be strong and courageous. Be smart and responsible. Work hard and think ahead. Be willing to fight for your family’s well-being, to dream ahead of the way you want it to be, to plan a path to make it happen.

Above all, let God be your provider by laying your life before Him and asking Him to lead.

I love you!

From my heart,

Mom

P.S. Caution: Don’t read more into these words to my son than I mean.

Women have always worked- hard. Sometimes they even get paid. (!) The Proverbs 31 woman was a successful investor, she made money, lots of money. She was good at what she did. But there are years of a woman’s life when she needs the freedom to pour all that drive and intelligence and giftedness into her family. It is the wise man who does what he can to make that happen.~ Diane

For the past several weeks I have been getting a flood of questions about dealing with anger in our children. It seems that the more we look at this issue from a Biblical perspective, the more we need to relearn. Much of what we have learned apart from the Scriptures has to do with either suppressing or excusing anger in our children. Yet the Bible does neither. For the next few weeks we are going to take a look into the Word of God to examine the Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How of dealing with anger in our children… and ourselves. I would suggest that every mother/woman/parent take some time to look up the Scriptures quoted, perhaps writing them out on a 3×5 card, in order to readjust the way you think and feel and believe about the very real problem of anger.

When:

When is it imperative and appropriate for a mother or father to deal with the anger that rises to the surface and spills out over into a child’s life and relationships?

Always. Every time. Every single time.

This is one of the few issues that come with a sort of no-tolerance clause attached. Remember the story of Moses? He was assigned by God to lead the nation of Israel out of their cruel bondage in Egypt into the Promised Land. He was a hero— a brave man and a fearless leader.  The Israelites should have trusted him after all they’d seen God do through him in convincing Pharaoh to let them go. Instead, they grumbled and complained and balked at every instruction he gave them.

Sound a little like your two year old? Or your teenager?

Moses finally got fed up when he returned from his holy encounter with God on top of Mt. Sinai, that tablet of Ten Commandments tucked under his arm. As he walked down the mountain, the repulsive sight of his redeemed people worshipping a golden calf shocked him. They had melted all the gold that God had provided for them in order to do the one thing He’d entreated them never to do: prostitute themselves to a man-made idol.

When Moses saw how angry God became at their sin he begged the Lord to hold off from wiping them out for the sake of His own reputation amongst the nations.

“So the Lord changed His mind about the harm which He said he would do to His people.”

Moses’ intervention actually changed God’s mind!

When Moses realized that God had actually stayed His hand of punishment, he sang this song:

“The Lord, the Lord God,

compassionate and gracious,

slow to anger,

and abounding in lovingkindness and truth;

who keeps lovingkindness for thousands,

who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin…

and Moses made hast to bow low toward the earth and worship.”

Exodus 34:6,7,8

Yet with all that, Moses later lost his temper with the people when yet one more time they grumbled and complained and tested him sorely.  In one grand display of anger, Moses cut himself off from God’s blessing and cut himself out of the Promised Land by slamming his staff against the rock, calling the Israelites “you rebels[1]”, and lambasting them for their stubbornness. Rather than excuse him, God permanently banned him from entering the place he had spent all those years leading his people to. Because of his sin he was destined to die alone on a mountaintop just within sight of his dream.

God takes anger seriously.

He doesn’t excuse it.

He never ignores it.

He always disciplines it.

Always.

And that’s a lot to think about.

From my heart,

Diane

[1]See how seriously God takes name calling in Matthew 5:21,22

We live in a pretty incredible city.

I have a list a mile long of new resturaunts I want to try and places I want to visit and we finally checked two off the list!

Did you know that Portland is home to Bob’s Red Mill and Dave’s Killer Bread?

Did you know they each have their own store and that they are right across the street from each other?

Can you tell I’m excited about this???

We took a little family trip to Milwaulkie last week to check out the amazingness and it did not disapoint. I highly recommend you pay them both a visit!

BOB’S RED MILL

(Duke is in the left corner… extremely excited)

You may start to feel like you have taken a wrong turn as you drive through a random business park but the big red barn will ensure you that you have indeed come to the right place.

Bob’s Red Mill has a restaurant and whole grain store attached to their mill. They give daily mill tours and the store is open to the public Monday – Saturday.

Their resturant has a breakfast and lunch menu full of healthy options for all dietary needs. The breakfast was delicious! Brook had the eggs and potatoes, Duke devoured the vegan french toast, I tried the 5 grain hot cereal and Scarlet took a nap.

Brook and Duke went to a grassy area to play some football while I (with sleeping Scarlet) drooling over all the fun things the store had to offer. I wanted to buy one of everything and may have gotten a bit carried away in the bulk section (their prices for the indiviual bags of flours, grains and mixes were not that great but they do have a great bulk section with a bit better pricing).

DAVE’S KILLER BREAD:

We then ventured across the street to Dave’s Healthy Bread Store.

HEAVEN on earth.

They have 4 sections in the store:

Day Olds

Fresh

Imperfect

Frozen

They are all discounted but the best deal are the frozen loaves. They average about $3 a loaf (they are normally $5-$6 each in most stores) but if you buy 12 or more loaves they are about $2 a loaf.

Brook and Duke sampled bread and participated in a taste test for some new recipes they are working on developing.

I deliberated over which 12 loaves to buy.

And Scarlet kept sleeping.

They have every kind you could think of and I love them all! If you are like me and don’t do too great with wheat, their Sprouted Wheat Bread is so good and a little easier to digest.

We may have gotten a bit carried away…

Overall it was a wonderful adventure and I would highly recommend you take a trip to the big red barn!

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

What are some of your favorite Bob’s Red Mill and Dave’s Killer Bread products and how do you use them?

She gets up while it is still night;


she provides food for her family 

and portions for her female servants. 

Proverbs 31:15

(source)

Dearest Matthew,

Last week in my letter to you I let you in on the secret so many women share— the whole intimidation factor in the Proverbs 31 description of a “worthy woman”. Since I read the chapter of Proverbs corresponding to the day of the month most mornings, I get faced with her seeming perfection once a month.

Who can do all she does? And if I tried, wouldn’t I get lost in all that work? Become a mindless machine, lose my own creativity, shrivel up inside, and have a massive identity crisis while failing to be perfect?

The fact is, this is an overview of a woman’s life, not what she did every day. Kind of a portfolio of one woman’s description to her son of what an intelligent and godly woman’s achievements can look like over a lifetime and how those doings can benefit her husband and family in such a way as to enrich their lives incredibly.

But notice her first act of the day— getting up early.

It was many years ago that I learned my need for those early morning hours alone. I’d tried and failed time and time again to be disciplined enough to get up early and read my Bible. I knew it was the right thing to do, but with babies up at night and a husband whose ministry mostly happened in the evening hours, it just seemed impossible. The thought of losing precious sleep to cross Bible reading off my list just wasn’t enough to rouse me from slumber.

It wasn’t until my world began to unravel that I discovered the truth this woman in Proverbs 31 lived every day— that it wasn’t more discipline I needed, but more desire. And that when I craved hearing God’s intimate speaking to me more than I craved a little extra sleep, and when that craving actually woke me up in the morning and propelled me into His presence, He had treasures of wisdom waiting for me.

The Bible often likens the Scriptures to food.  Jesus spoke of Himself as the Bread of Life, able to fill and strengthen and nourish us deep within. In the Psalms, God cried out to His people, “Open your mouth wide and I will fill it…. I would feed you with the finest of wheat; and with honey from the rock I would satisfy you.” (Psalm 81:10,16)

He longed for His people to listen to Him, to hear and obey the instructions He was waiting to give them.

The wise woman knows God hasn’t changed through all the days of history. He still longs for us to listen. He has tasks for us to do (Ephesians 2:10). Directions and impressions to lay on our hearts, wisdom and understanding to satisfy our longings.

Matt, I would wish for you a wife who is hungry enough to get up early and feast on God’s words.

A woman who listens carefully to the wisdom God gives and then goes to meet the needs of those whom God has given her to serve.

A woman who listens with a pen in hand, making a list of how the Father wants her to love that day.

A woman who sees need before anyone else does and applies the strength she’s already received from God to rise to the challenges of real life.

And son, I would wish for your someday-wife that she would have a husband who shakes off those sleepy morning cobwebs, gets out of bed, starts some coffee, opens the Scriptures, and listens.  Every morning.

I don’t have a list to leave you today. What I do have is a record of my own journey towards this kind of early morning listening. Maybe it will help you to see where you are headed as long as you keep crying out for more of Jesus. And maybe my own list will help you to lovingly lead a woman as she seeks to do the same.

I started with DRUDGERY,

grew up a little into DUTY,

tried but failed for a long time at DISCIPLINE.

Then life led me to a place of DESPERATION,

and that’s when DESIRE

for more of what He poured all over me

led to absolute, unending, every morning DELIGHT.

From my heart,

Mom

P.S. For those who are reading these letters:

Are you stuck in the DISCIPLINE phase?

Mad at yourself for failing too often to manage your life in such a way that getting up early to read the Scriptures and listen to God actually happens?

Let me give you a little motherly advice: ask the Father to do whatever it takes to fill you with enough DESIRE so that you will know the DELIGHT of rising early to listen for more.

And if you’re already there- will you tell us your story? I love stories, and I especially love hearing how God moved others to want Him more.