ANGER: why: part 2
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For the past several weeks I have been getting a flood of questions about dealing with anger in our children. It seems that the more we look at this issue from a Biblical perspective, the more we need to relearn. Much of what we have learned apart from the Scriptures has to do with either suppressing or excusing anger in our children. Yet the Bible does neither. For the next few weeks we are going to take a look into the Word of God to examine the Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How of dealing with anger in our children… and ourselves. I would suggest that every mother/woman/parent take some time to look up the Scriptures quoted, perhaps writing them out on a 3×5 card, in order to readjust the way you think and feel and believe about the very real problem of anger. |
Why:
Last week we discussed 2 common triggers for anger in our children. Here is one more…
Stress
Let’s face it, we live in an immensely stress filled society. Our little one’s senses are inundated by sensorial stresses from flashing lights, blasting noise, captivating smells and overwhelming crowds. Add to that the pressure to be always on the go in order to “develop your child to their full potential” and our kids have more stress than they can handle.
There is one solution to all this stress- SLOW DOWN!
So many edgy, irritated children would benefit from more quiet and more order in their lives. Time to just play. To pretend. To run and jump unimpeded by adults telling them what to do and where to go.
Reduce the level of stress in your home as well. Turn off the T.V. except for special family times when you all cuddle up together in your p.j.’s to watch a favorite movie. Many children “come off” t.v. with pent up anger. Something about processing all that stimulation creates in these children an almost volcanic response. Our son, John Mark’s reaction after watching “innocent” cartoons was to turn around and bop his little sisters! As soon as the t.v. turned off, he’d almost always erupt in an uncontrollable frenzy which led inevitably to a melt down. When we finally caught on to the pattern and stopped using the t.v. as a babysitter, all that abrasive action settled down. Such a simple thing made such an enormous difference.
Look around your home as well. Is it neat and orderly? Do you have too many toys out at one time? There is an inherent serenity attached to order, which our children react to on some visceral level. And you know, it really only takes a couple of minutes to throw it all in boxes and close the closet door. Keep your home decently tidy and you might really see the level of anger settle down in your child.
Well, I’ve gone too long… I’ll include one more anger trigger next week and discuss the repercussions of temper tantrums that come with unchecked willfulness in children.
From my heart,
Diane
Look up these Scriptures to wrap your head around what God says about stress…
Psalm 23- notice how the Good Shepherd leads His people
Psalm 90:12- isn’t this what we’re trying to do in our child’s heart?
Psalm 37
Hebrews 4
I love what you said about children being able to just run and play without adults telling them what to do. I was sitting in the living room watching all the neighborhood girls playing in the front yard. There was drama, there was action, there were acts of kindness and even some of bravery. Okay, maybe it wasn’t a great idea to tie the bike to the tree and try to ride away, but it sure was fun!
I wish I could have watched with you! I’ll bet your kids came in all flush faced and at peace with themselves. There is such hope when we get to play like that… even for us grown ups!
My job involves going into homes and working with families with very young children with disabilities. I have been in so many homes over the years, and I have to say, it is rare when the TV is not on (most often children’s programs or movies, but sometimes soap operas, reality TV shows, and talk shows where people often yell and fight with each other). I almost always have some sort of conversation with the families about young children, TV, and play. My husband told me this story about a friend of ours the other day. Kathy is a lovely and very godly women. She raised four boys and now pours herself into her young grandchildren, always playing, working on projects with them, and taking them on outings. One day she asked the oldest grandchild (about 1st grade) if she wanted to watch a movie with her. Her granddaughter looked at her in astonishment and said, “Grandma, you know how to use the TV?!?!” She had never seen her grandmother sit and watch TV before. That’s the kind of grandmother I want to be
That is awesome. I love how the little ones think!
That is great! Let’s work together to wean our children off of t.v. and out into God’s creation!
Hi Diane, Thank you and bravo for teaching on a critical aspect of parenting, one that has detrimental lifelong effects if not addressed. This comment is for parents who will read your Biblical council, apply it in faith, but possibly could still have problems. My first experience was with my son Spencer. (He is the nicest one out of all five of us!) But the Nicest One displayed perennial anger over the littlest things. Then there is my sweet girl Olivia who redefined “REALLY angry” for us. Turns out the catalyst for most of their anger was health-related issues. My son was diagnosed with Celiac Disease and we learned my daughter is hearing-impaired. The Nicest One was not absorbing any vitamins and minerals that help our bodies deal with stress, change, and life. My Sweet Girl could not hear properly and frustration from herself and others fueled her anger at home, in the classroom and on the soccer field. Once these physical issues were addressed, WOW! What a difference. Not perfection this side of heaven, but immense improvement. If you are applying Biblical principles and are still at a loss, consider if it could be something physical. Know your children inside and out and ask the Lord to show you if it is something physical. Look for patterns. Regular physicals with your pediatrician will help too. Blessings.
Such wisdom here Leslie! You are so right- we should always check to be absolutely certain that a physical illness is not triggering an over the top angry response in our children. I have heard from so many mothers who have seen a direct correlation between certain foods and angry attitudes. And we all know how massive amounts of white sugar and flour and junk can send our normally nice children into a frenzy. Thanks for this, Diane