Why: Part 3

Your child is angry and you don’t know why. For the past 2 weeks we’ve been discussing trigger points- those hot buttons which, when pushed in just the right combination, lead almost inevitably to anger. Today I want to bring up that all-too-frequent problem of “temper tantrums” which the Bible terms as thumos, or explosive outbursts of anger.

Willfulness –

What we call a temper tantrum is really an all out demand:

“I want what I want and I want it now!”

When our youngest son, Matt was about 18 months old he started having temper tantrums. I’d already raised three kids through those supposedly terrible two’s so I felt like I had a handle on how to respond to these out-of-control outbursts of anger.

1. be consistent
2. no excuses- but avoid those circumstances that almost insure a scene
3. spank each and every time. (yes, I do believe that spanking is the most effective biblical means of disciplining a temper tantrum)

That’s how we’d handled these incidences in the past and it had worked remarkably well. I knew what to do and how to do it… or so I thought!

But Matt-man, as we called him back then, wrote the book on temper tantrums! He had them every single day- sometimes every hour. I mean, the knock-down-on-the-floor-out-of-control variety. Awful.

It was tempting to give up, to settle for less, to say, “Well, that’s just the way Matthew is… I’ll just do the best I can.”

But my husband wouldn’t let me. He insisted that we prayand planand work to eradicate every last vestige of temper that had lodged itself in Matthew’s character.

And do you know, looking back now at how hard that 18 month period of my life was, I am so thankful that we stuck with it. I am so glad that I limited my life for those months- and so glad that we spanked him so much!

Today, Matthew, the man, is one of the most peaceable people I know. He is not, as the Bible says, “easily angered”. When he is really pushed to the very limit of his patience, Matt deals with it with gentleness and acceptance. He has a strong spirit that he is able to keep under control with dignity and grace.

Here is the Word from God to burn into your mind and heart:

“Discipline your child

While there is hope

And do not desire his death.

A man of great anger will bear the penalty,

For if you rescue him,

You will only have to do it again.”

Proverbs 19:18,19

And someday you will be so glad you did!

From my heart,

Diane

 

In a world full of cookbooks, blogs, magazines, apps and websites filled with new recipes… it can be overwhelming to keep track of all your favorites or to choose what sounds good.

My good friend Echo is a wife and a mama who creates beauty everywhere she goes. Her house is full of the perfect little touches to make it feel like home. Her two little girls are full of personality and each have their own unique style. And Echo herself is simply beautiful in every way.

She also loves to cook! I asked her to share a bit with us about where she finds inspirations and I’m sure you too will be inspired!

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

PINTEREST: by echo zielinski

I am sure most of you have heard of or are currently using (or like me, addicted to) Pinterest! If you are one of the few that have not jumped on the pinterest bandwagon, you are missing out! I know I know, there are so many social media outlets to try and keep up with it’s exhausting, but really, this one can really make your life easier and will leave you feeling more then a little bit inspired!

In short, Pinterest is an online inspiration board where you can “pin” a photo from any website you want along with a description. When you go to your pinterest page you will be able to quickly access all the inspiring things you have found.

I use pinterest as inspiration for decorating my home, planning parties and showers, remembering cute things I find for my two little girls, but most of all, pinterest has changed the way I find what it is I am going to cook.

I have countless recipe books that sit and collect dust and I have done my fair share of googling recipes. Both ways typically leave me uninspired and with a headache. I need a photo, a beautiful picture of the food that makes me drool and leaves me wanting to take a bite of its deliciousness right now!

This is where pinterest is really great! Literally, pictures pictures everywhere!

(here is a photo of what my pinterest page looks like)

There are a couple of ways to use Pinterest. One way is when you do find something on the Internet that you want to make, pin it (there are directions on pinterest as to how to get the “pin it” button on your bookmark tab which will make this possible)

I am going to show you how to pin a recipe from Tastespotting.com. This is a great website to find delicious recipes. Simply search for something you have in mind, or browse through the pages and you are sure to find many things deemed pin worthy. Lets say the 3 bean stew in the photo above looks like something you or your family would enjoy! Simply click on it, hit “pin it” from your bookmark page, click on the appropriate photo to go along with the recipe.

click on the photo of 3 bean stew

Then you choose whichever board you want to pin the recipe to, add a description, press pin it and boom! You have an amazing recipe saved to your virtual recipe book to access whenever your heart desires! (I personally love to pull up recipes later on my iPhone, yes ladies; there IS an app for that!)

Success! Who doesn’t love that word…

Another way to use pinterest is to re-pin your friends’ recipes that they pin or re-pin ones that you find when you click on the everything page. Confused yet? Don’t worry; it’s not as hard as it sounds!

 Above is my pinterest home page. It is where I can see all the pins my friends have made! As you can see, the lovely Sarah Nelson just pinned a recipe for Artichoke flatbread, Sounds good huh? Well, what are we waiting for, lets re-pin it!

You just run your cursor over the photo and when the re-pin button appears, you click it! and Pin it!

Lastly, you can click on the button that says everything on your homepage and it will take you to a general feed of what other people all over the world are pinning! Your recipes will not be limited to just the sites you know of and what your friends may pin. Nope, you have a whole world of pins at your fingertips!

I really hope these photos and steps have encouraged you to take the pinterest plunge and that you feel a bit more inspired today to cook something new!

Or if you are one of the many people who never make what you pin, hopefully this is a reminder that behind the photos lies an actual recipe that could be on your dinner table tonight!

And if you’re feeling real ambitious, you can re-decorate your home or sew a new skirt while you’re at it J

Most of all have fun and enjoy!

Lots of love and Happy Pinning,

Echo

You can find me on pinterest at http://pinterest.com/echoz/

 

 

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

(NIV)

The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain.

(NASB)

Her husband can trust her and she will greatly enrich his life.

(NLT)

Proverbs 31:11

Dear Matt,

On July 15^th, 1978, your dad and I stood in front of our friends and family to pledge the rest of our lives to each other. We made grand promises to be faithful, to love, and to honor forever.

While he held my hands in his, I felt just the slightest tremor go through your dad’s body. As if a moment of undeniable fear shook the length of who he was. And then he squeezed both my hands, fastened a joy-filled grin on his face, and held on tight.

And for the last 34 years he’s been hanging on tight, opening up his life to me, choosing to love me every day no matter what.

He trusts me.

I trust him.

We both trust God.

Completely.

Someday you will stand in front of an invited group of your friends and family to pledge the rest of your life to a woman. But before you make those promises, you must be absolutely certain that you have found a woman you can trust.

And by that I mean a woman in whom you can wisely place your confidence because you know she has your best interests at heart, and because you know she believes the best in you and will handle your heart with the greatest of care.

And so, knowing your penchant for lists, I’ve come up with…

5 WAYS TO FIND A WOMEN YOU CAN TRUST

#1 Take a long time to get to know her.

Just as a man presents his best self to a woman as he’s dating her, so a woman knows how to hide her less-than-lovely parts in order to attract the attention of a man. And yet, as I’ve said before, the purpose of dating is find out what a person is really like and then ask yourself the question, Can I live with that? Can I thrive with her?

That takes time. Lots of time. You’re going to need to see her when she’s tired, when she’s discouraged, when she’s stressed, when she’s mad.

When she’s not perfect.

Because nobody is, my son. And so you’re going to need to take an honest look at her flaws and at your capacity to love her just the way she is.

And you’re going to need to be realistic about her capacity to love you just the way you are- and to even like you when she sees those flaws.

 #2 Listen to your fears.

The Hebrew word, bāṭaḥ, translated trust here, “expresses that sense of well- being and security which results from having something or someone in whom to place confidence.” ^[1]

You need to be honest with yourself about how you feel in her presence. Can you trust her with your failures? Will she accept you as a man who is learning and growing, one who is being redeemed daily but who has not yet arrived? Does she get that?

Or is she “helping” God to fix what she doesn’t like about you? Making sure you know when you did wrong, what you should have done instead, what she surely would have done if she’d been in your shoes.

That will wear a man down faster than the worst kind of enemy.

Because, my dear son, every man needs and craves respect. And acceptance. And hope.

If you’re getting that nagging sense that you cannot trust her to think the best of you, listen to that fear because its not going to go away. 

#3 Look at her long-term relationships.

Do her friends blossom in her presence? Does she put people close to her at ease? Or do you get the sense that everyone around her is being ultra careful not to push her buttons or disappoint her?

How about her dad? Is she sassy or respectful?

What about her annoying little sister? Is she kind and considerate or rude and edgy?

#4 Observe her attitude towards others.

Watch especially closely how she responds to those in authority over her. Does she resent her boss? Is she always second-guessing people? Correcting them? Scolding?

The Scriptures unapologetically teach the loving authority of a husband over his wife. Has she learned how to do that when she doesn’t agree? 

#5 List what she likes about you.

I know, I know, I know, this point sounds egotistical. But the truth is, you need to marry someone who really likes you. A lot. And you need to know why she likes you. You need to know specifics; character qualities she notices, accomplishments she admires, strengths she observes.

While you are still dating you need to know what it is she sees in you and if she is able and willing to put herself out there to tell you.

 

Matt, it is no small thing to trust a woman. May God give you the wisdom and insight to see clearly.

And may He gift you with a woman who is so filled up with God that she can’t help but spill joy and hope and help onto you every day of your life.

From my heart,

Mom

Women, mothers, friends, girls, guys- do you have something to add?

Remember, we’re not talking perfection here, just that sense that a man’s heart is safe with such a woman.

I’d love to hear your take on this!

 

 

 

 

 

 

---

Why:

Last week we discussed 2 common triggers for anger in our children. Here is one more…

Stress

Let’s face it, we live in an immensely stress filled society. Our little one’s senses are inundated by sensorial stresses from flashing lights, blasting noise, captivating smells and overwhelming crowds. Add to that the pressure to be always on the go in order to “develop your child to their full potential” and our kids have more stress than they can handle.

There is one solution to all this stress- SLOW DOWN!

So many edgy, irritated children would benefit from more quiet and more order in their lives. Time to just play. To pretend. To run and jump unimpeded by adults telling them what to do and where to go.

Reduce the level of stress in your home as well. Turn off the T.V. except for special family times when you all cuddle up together in your p.j.’s to watch a favorite movie. Many children “come off” t.v. with pent up anger. Something about processing all that stimulation creates in these children an almost volcanic response. Our son, John Mark’s reaction after watching “innocent” cartoons was to turn around and bop his little sisters! As soon as the t.v. turned off, he’d almost always erupt in an uncontrollable frenzy which led inevitably to a melt down. When we finally caught on to the pattern and stopped using the t.v. as a babysitter, all that abrasive action settled down. Such a simple thing made such an enormous difference.

Look around your home as well. Is it neat and orderly? Do you have too many toys out at one time? There is an inherent serenity attached to order, which our children react to on some visceral level. And you know, it really only takes a couple of minutes to throw it all in boxes and close the closet door. Keep your home decently tidy and you might really see the level of anger settle down in your child.

Well, I’ve gone too long… I’ll include one more anger trigger next week and discuss the repercussions of temper tantrums that come with unchecked willfulness in children.

From my heart,

Diane

Look up these Scriptures to wrap your head around what God says about stress…

Psalm 23- notice how the Good Shepherd leads His people

Psalm 90:12- isn’t this what we’re trying to do in our child’s heart?

Psalm 37

Hebrews 4

 

To me, Whole Foods is a little slice of heaven on earth.

Some women like to window shop and drool over beautiful clothes…

I prefer to peruse the isles of Whole Foods.

(Ok, I love clothes too but window-shopping is not really my thing… I like shopping to buy better)

Anyway… I love to stroll down the isles and dream of new meals to create and flavors to try.

Beyond just shopping there, they have some of the best lunch and dinner meals around. If you have not gone to their Marketplace for a meal, you really need to!

They have EVERYTHING. Mexican, Italian, Indian, Sushi… you name it, they have it and everything is delicious! I know that most of the store is pretty spendy (my husband calls it “Whole Paycheck”) but their meals are really quite reasonably priced.

One of my favorite things to eat there lately is their Teriyaki Salmon Bowls. I pretty much want one all day, everyday so it was time to attempt to make them at home.

Now if I can just convince my husband that he wants these everyday too…

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

GLUTEN FREE TERIYAKI SAUCE

INGREDIENTS:

1/4 C Bragg’s amino acids

3/4 C water

1 tsp minced ginger

2 tsp minced garlic

2 T brown sugar

1 T cornstarch

Couple of dashes of cayenne pepper

TO MAKE:

Heat in a saucepan over medium heat until it boils. Then reduce to a simmer until it thickens. Stir frequently.

 

GRILLED SALMON AND VEGGIE BOWLS

Adjust quantities according to how many you are serving

INGREDIENTS:

Chopped:

Bell Pepper

Cauliflower

Asparagus

Onion

Mushrooms

*any veggies work!

 

Thinly sliced salmon

Lemon juice

Olive oil

Minced garlic

Sea salt

Pepper

 

Cooked brown rice

TO MAKE:

Fire up the grill!

Place all chopped veggies in a large bowl and toss with olive oil, salt, pepper, and a scoop of minced garlic.

Cook them on the grill on a high heat until they brown up but still a bit crispy. We cook ours on a grill pan we got at Target and it works perfectly for any veggies

For the salmon, we usually buy the frozen Alaskan Salmon Fillets from Costco and those are really easy to slice in thin pieces. Toss them in a bowl with olive oil, lemon juice and dash of sea salt. Place them on the grill and watch them closely because they won’t take long to cook.

TO SERVE:

Layer brown rice, veggies, and salmon and drizzle the teriyaki sauce on top. Garnish with fresh basil and green onions for added flavor.

ENJOY!

 

 

 

(my dad in Haiti)

All my life I’ve watched my father take care of his health.

Every morning of my high school years I woke up to strange sounds coming from the room where my dad worked out. I’d round the corner bleary eyed from sleep to watch him do his Canadian Air force exercise routine.

Squats and jumping jacks and funny sliding motions against the wall.  He’d grunt his way through all sorts of sit ups— side ways, legs in the air, one arm, two.

(hiking in Yosemite)

Way past the age when most men seem glued to their leather recliner, my dad hiked and skied and backpacked with a group of friends in the wilderness of the Sierra Nevada’s. He ran 10k’s until just a couple of years ago when his hip finally wore out from the miles he pounded on asphalt paths.

(building his home in the mountains)

I expected him to live forever.

But a while ago he started coughing. A lot.

Turns out he has a dreadful disease that will slowly lock up his lungs, making it harder and harder to draw in that life giving oxygen he needs to stay strong and active.

But once again, my dad is doing it right.

And watching him, listening to the way he embraces life and just keeps plowing forward, fixing everything broken in his path…

(loving children in Haiti)

I feel like I’m learning life at the graduate level from the best.

Who knew that a daughter could learn about living while watching her father slowly ease towards dying?

Does every father teach like this?

Squeezing out all the life he can while he can in order to leave a legacy of hope to the next generation? 

Somehow I think my dad is just getting it right again.

And that’s why I plan to keep learning from him, and remembering what he taught by being who he is.

Happy Father’s Day Dad!

I love you,

Di

Things My Dad Did Right:

1. He taught me the importance of taking keeping our bodies fit so we could have fun doing outdoor things.
2. He taught me to never burden anyone by complaining.
3. He ate raw veggies before vegan was even a word.
4. He took me on hikes all over the Sierra Nevada’s.
5. He taught me to fix whatever I can and to leave the rest alone.
6. He’s teaching me how to live well right up until its time to die.

 

Why:

Sometimes we can trace our child’s anger to a certain trigger point, a hidden button somewhere lurking beneath the surface of a child’s heart which, when pushed just the right way, leads to angry outbursts. Now remember, no one can make anyone angry, it is each person’s responsibility to control their temper. Yet as a wise parent, we can watch for the underlying patterns in order to help our child overcome this sinful and destructive reaction.

Here are a few triggers the Scriptures make note of:

#1:Control

Some children (and some adults!) seem to need to try to control everything and everyone around them. That is not, in and of itself, a terribly bad quality. Our world is led by men and women who are not afraid to be out in front, leading the charge. But when that need for control leads a child to use anger as a means of the controlling people around him- watch out! It is our responsibility as parents to correct our children, teaching and training them how to use their leadership qualities wisely and well.

The problem with this trigger for anger is that it works! Friends, teachers, even parents, will often go out of their way to appease an angry child lest their anger develop into a full blown temper tantrum.

One of the reasons I am not a big fan of preschool is because the ages between 3 and 5 seem to be the optimal time for a mother to consistently teach her sons and daughters the intricacies of interpersonal relationships. While having a friend to your home to play for an afternoon, you can observe your child’s social behavior and gently correct negative patterns that emerge. By catching this tendency to use anger to control people early, you can often avoid confrontational clashes later with your child when the habit has been more fully formed.

#2:Frustration

Some children seem to be born with a quick fuse when it comes to obstacles in their path. Learning to tie their shoes can usher in hurricane force anger.

One day when my oldest son was 5 years old, we were sitting at the kitchen table while I helped him learn to write his letters. His frustration at not being able to write them “perfect” boiled over into a fit of all out rage. He threw his pencil across the kitchen, scrunched up the paper he had laboriously filled with marks, and let out a yell of unadulterated anger. Trying to calm him, I praised his letters, saying something motherly like, “But that’s a great M, you’re doing so well…”, to which he replied, “But its doesn’t look great to ME!” Ah, the pain of perfectionism.

After that outburst, I put away the pencils and didn’t allow the little guy to practice letters for a full 6 months. By that time his motor skills had matured remarkably and he was more able to produce the kind of letters his head told his hand to write.

You will need to help a child like this learn to patiently and persistently overcome obstacles by doing things with him. Sit beside him through those frustrations and be like a cheerleader encouraging him through the difficult process.

Do not allow him to take his anger out on people or property or he will be doing it for the rest of his life.

Look back here next week as we explore two more why’s of anger.

From my heart,

Diane

Some Scriptures to study:

Proverbs 16:21 (for your bossy controller)

James 1:19,20 (for moms and dads too!)

I Samuel 9-11 (study the life of Saul, a good leader whose anger ultimately drove him to insanity)