TO NEVER FORGET AGAIN
repost from 2.18.11
“…Love never fails…”
I Corinthians 13:8
Something horrible happened to me the other day, and it was my fault.
Like I do with lots of people every Sunday, I introduced myself to a woman who stood waiting near the front. Nothing remarkable about her. Brownish hair, smallish frame, an ordinary woman on an ordinary day in the midst of ordinariness.
She looked at me a little odd.
I chattered on about the weather, the cold, how long had she been going to Solid Rock? Ordinary stuff.
Her lip started to quiver just a tad- no drama, just a barely perceptible hint of hurt. Her eyes filled.
Worried, but still basically clueless, I asked for her name and told her mine, holding out my hand, being all nice… and normal.
That’s when she finally fell apart.
And that’s when I finally saw her.
Just two weeks before, this ordinary woman had taken extraordinary risk and opened her hidden hurts to me. Real hurts about bad things. Pain unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. Raw suffering.
I’d taken her into my arms and prayed for her… walked away with the promise to pray some more. Then trotted off into my ordinary world with ordinary pressures and promptly forgot.
How could I do that? What does that say about me? Don’t I care?
Over and over I’ve berated myself for that day. Hoping to hear the Father excuse me. Wanting Him to cover my callousness with nice words like, “How can you expect to remember everyone you meet? With all these people crowding this place, no one can be friends with every one. At least you try.”
But all I hear is the echo of her loneliness.
The truth is I don’t really love her. Not enough.
If it had been my sister pouring her story into my lap, I’d have hung on every word…prayed every day… searched for words from the Word to bring her hope and courage and truth.
Instead I forgot. I moved on. Another troubled soul in a world of wounded women. Ordinary.
The truth is my love is really thin. Meager. Miserly. Sometimes it doesn’t last longer than an after-church conversation and a quick prayer.
I say I love. I want to love. I even feel love.
But…love doesn’t forget the sorrows of a woman weeping in my arms.
Love doesn’t just step over someone’s wreckage and move seamlessly into ordinary. Not real love. Not Jesus love. Not the kind of love that hung on a Cross and bled for that woman.
And so today, instead of berating, I confess it. Out loud. With all of you listening in, I admit that I am a failed lover. My heart is still, after all these years of listening, not even close to being like His.
And there’s not a thing I can do about it. I know full well that I can’t make it a goal or cross it off a list or drum it up or name it and claim it and call it my own.
But He can. And now that I know what He knows, I can let Him. Because He has this crazy way of making me like Himself just when I get a glimpse of who I really am.
Its called love… wild, beautiful, stick-to-it, passionate love that changes me into someone who actually, really, honestly loves back. And who never forgets again.
From my heart,
Diane
Is He teaching you something similar?
Diane,
As I read your words I feel it is as if I could have written the exact same thing about myself. Thank you for being so open and honest, God used you to further grow and open my heart today and for that I am thankful.
<3
Dear Diane,
Thank You SO much for sharing You heart!
God has been speaking to me about the same thing. I see how much people, including me, need someone to listen to them, to be a friend to them, to love like Jesus told us to. The kind of friend that would give her(or his) life for her friend, the kind of friend who chooses to listen even though she’s in a hurry or needs to talk and is hurt herself.
And Jesus reminds me of that through my pain. I haven’t had the kind of home i’ve wished for, i haven’t recieved the kind of love that Jesus intended us to get from parents and home. And that has left me with scars and i’m thursting and looking for love from people. I’m always longing for someone to listen to me. And everytime i think about that and realize there aren’t many people who would love sacrifically, Jesus tells me that I can be that person to someone. If i can’t find someone like that, i draw near to God, He fills me with His amazing love and sends me out by saying ”now go and be that FRIEND for someone. Listen. Listen. Listen. Put your arms aruond that someone as long as it takes for them to realize that you’re not going to leave. That you’re there. No matter what.”
Matthew 7:12 “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”
Sister in Christ,
M
Thank you. Just – thank you. Oh, how it hurts to realise these things about yourself… The Lord has been showing me how little I love, in comparison to what I thought I did. And there are so many people who need that love. My only consolation, is knowing He cares enough about me to expose my heart and reveal what needs to change.And I pray He does make it over – all new. Oh to be a true channel for HIS love!
Hey Diane,
Thank you for being honest and confessing that, because its something the Lords been putting on my heart and convicting me about. I love people, but I sometimes forget names, which I always feel terrible about, its more than that though, I’ve commented to pray for these people and sometimes I forget as well. Hoe horrible that is..How sinful. So thank you for giving me the courage to confess this as well, not only to the Lord, but in a comment as well…
~Sara
Guilty.
My freshman year in college I introduced myself to a [good] friend’s suite-mate many many… many times. I didn’t realize it until my friend told me how offended the girl had been. This was not just two times never saw her, she lived 5 doors down from me. This is different then your situation, for I hadn’t really had a conversation…. but to not even RECOGNIZE her face… but I still can’t believe myself. I realized then how little I pay attention to things and just bounce through life either spread too thin or self-focused.
Why am I too spread thin? Why do I focus on myself? Bottom line… because I love myself more than I love God. And that creates a whole mess of things as well as affecting others.
Thanks for sharing your heart. Confessions as these are so very hard, and so very necessary.