LETTERS TO MY SON: 8 things
8 Scary Things We Women Do…
when we think we need a man to make us happy.
Dear son,
A couple of letters back, I began to warn you to be alert and aware of the kind of woman who has the potential to sap you of your God-given and much needed strength. I let you know how close I came to being that kind of wife to your dad. And how he took me by the hand and helped me to know that only in utter dependence on God would I ever have the hole in my soul filled full.
Because even though I was honestly seeking God with all my heart, I still thought that being married to a godly man would make me feel forever loved and happy and fulfilled.
I think most women think that deep down. And it’s wrong. It doesn’t work that way, not even a little. And it’s not supposed to. No man can satisfy a woman in those deepest places of her restless heart. Only God can do that— and for most of us women it takes a lifetime to figure out how that really works.
Now that I’ve scared you half to death, let me offer just a couple of words of practical description to help you recognize and avoid a needy woman. Remember, I’m describing who I once was, who I fight not to be even now.
#1 A man-needing woman will need more of you than you have to give.
#2 A man-needing woman will insinuate that you are not “there for her enough”.
#3 A man-needing woman will put you on the defensive- a lot.
#4 A man-needing woman will use her sensuality to bind you to her.
#5 A man-needing woman will often give in to intense expressions of emotion, requiring excessive amounts of assurance from you.
#6 A man-needing woman will want you all to herself all of the time.
#7 A man-needing woman will generate a great deal of conflict.
#8 A man-needing woman will argue that you need to help her more rather than seeing her calling to be your help.
Please notice, my son, that a man-needing woman is not a bad woman. She may be beautiful and gentle and sweet and sitting in the front row with her Bible open at every gathering.
But until a woman figures out for herself that men are not meant to fulfill her craving need for more, and that only a close and intimate and dependent connection with God can fill that craving, she’ll be a strength sapper.
And you, my dear son, need every ounce of your hayil to do what God is calling you to do and to do it with the “vigor” (vs. 3) of a king.
From my heart,
Mom
Dear girls,
Don’t hate me! I get it, I really do. Yet I also know that the truth is what sets us free from ourselves.
So let’s be honest with each other, confess our weaknesses to each other, and go after all that God has waiting for us if we’ll only ask.
So… comments anyone? Do you see this in yourself?
Go ahead and make up a “pen name” for this one if you want… no need to completely terrify our guys!
Somehow I think if you’ll be honest here you’ll give all of us the courage to keep learning.
From my heart for you,
Diane
Diane,
Respectfully, I somewhat disagree with #7. Conflict is not always a bad, unhealthy piece of a relationship- as long as the heart behind it is for unity and truth and not divisiveness. Anytime you bring two people together whether in relationship or ultimately in marriage, they probably won’t share the same opinions or thoughts about everything.
I know there are plenty of people out there who are conflict-adverse, but to give a label to conflict making it seem like “the bad guy” might encourage more women just to keep their mouths shut should they have a different opinion than the man they are dating/married to. Even if you are the most conflict-adverse person, what you disagree about will always bubble up eventually, whether in direct or passive aggressive ways.
Did you mean that a man-needing woman will be an unhealthy pot-stirrer, nitpicking unnecessary, invalid issues? I agree with that. I honestly just dislike conflict getting a bad rap. It’s a healthy, needed piece in a relationship headed towards unity.
Dear Anon,
While I agree that conflict, especially in marriage, can be an important route towards that mystical and yet practical Oneness that the Scriptures advocate, I would most vehemently warn a man away from a woman who continually leads the relationship through a continual cycle of conflict.
Here’s what I said: #7 A man-needing woman will generate a great deal of conflict.
There is a place for healthy working out of differences, however, I do believe this is a strong indicator that a woman is hoping that she can turn a man into what she feels she needs, rather than see her role as a helper for a man to complete his God-given tasks.
Instead, I believe that a God-centered woman will be watching the Father’s indications as to whether this is the man she will devote her life to.
In my experience, I interpret #7 as actively seeking to generate conflict for some non-productive purpose. I don’t mind my girlfriend gently calling me out on certain issues, like her feeling lonely recently because I haven’t had a lot of time due to the madness at the end of a quarter and academic year. She does not generate conflict, but raises an issue and an opportunity to discuss the issue peacefully and go about productively resolving it with both sides equally contributing to the conversation.
It’s another thing entirely though when I have a Christian friend who’s a man needer who turns all conversations into how old she is as a 26 year old and how horrible it is to be single despite me trying to keep the conversation away form that actively generate conflict. For example, we live in the same dorm, so one day I pressed the elevator button, and proceeded to text people to ask if they were planning to go to such and such event. She stood in front of me and stared at me with a frown. I didn’t notice her presence because she was quiet and didn’t say anything and only noticed her when the elevator dinged it’s arrival and I looked up from my phone. She then proceeded to create conflict by using an aggressive tone and asking why in the world I hadn’t said hi to her and after a long tirade allows me to counter her. Rather than choosing to invite me into a conversation when she first saw me, she choose to wait and deliberately generate conflict. I could list numerous other encounters with her where it seems her goal is to generate conflict out of some event when it could easily be turned into some productive, but hopefully that story helps explain #7, or at least my perspective on #7.
Hey Diane,
Thank your for your constant words of wisdom to your son, and hopefully other Godly men out there. Its true, although the Lords changing me, I see that potential in myself and in others around me (Lord cast the rod out of my own eye first!!) but as you say its an ongoing process and something that will never stop. The Lord changes us as were ready (and sometimes not) if we are WILLING to change, and grow…Anyway, thank you for being frank and honest. The truth isn’t always sunshine and daises and telling it is hard, but always the right thing to do.
~Sara
It is a long, agonizingly slow process isn’t it Sara? But noticing our own less-than-lovely tendencies and bringing them before the Father to “fix” and asking Him to fill us… that’s pretty amazing and so very hopeful.
I think most of us are willing, but too often we’re not very honest with each other and ourselves.
I see this in myself. Especially since we’ve had a new baby this year. It’t harder to remain patient. I, of course, want my husband’s heart but I don’t want to exhaust him and live in insecurity. I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit, then I can give to him instead of taking from him.
Dear Sarah Jane,
Well, dear girl, I not only see this in myself, I write this out of my own story! Still learning after all these years…
This was convicting, thank you. I see aspects of this in myself from the past and am thankful that God is teaching me what it looks like to be freed from this now. Still growing and learning, but I think these are issues most women and girls struggle with and until we realize God is the only person who can satisfy our deepest desires, we will only hinder the men in our lives. Thank you for these gentle reminders.
I am a young adult who is having this battle inside my heart. Recently, the spirit wrote a song inside my heart and I got to play it to a group of people. A verse in the song is, “You are enough, You are enough for me God.” I want that to be true of myself!! I know that only His love can satisfy me. When I go into church I have to remind myself that I am there for Jesus and His kingdom, but somehow my eyes wonder to the hot godly guy across the row worshiping Jesus, and I get all distracted. It is a battle of capturing my thoughts, and trying not think about that person or fantasize about him later in the day. I do not want to be this man-needing woman. What you said is true, that deep down we think that a man can satisfy us. I don’t want to think this way. I need to partner with God to change how I think about my brothers, and to take every thought captive. Writing this out helps a lot
Thank you for letting me gush out my feelings,
I love you women, you are always encouraging
agirl.
Dear agirl,
You are on the right track. Now it is practicing it over and over again. Part of what you feel is your God-given role to come alongside and help a man. We just get it mixed up with thinking he’s going to come alongside us and help make our lives better and happier and… just more.
And frankly, “gushing out your feelings” came out charming and vulnerable an humble. God bless.
I feel the exact same way! This was so encouraging to here! I want to be that God seeking woman but i always find myself getting distracted by guys. The way yor worded everything was perfect! Everyone on this blog is always so encouraging and full of great wisdom. I am continually blessed by all you ladies
agirl,
Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us, this ( distraction while at gatherings) is something you are not alone in! It’s hard, but just praying against the distraction has helped me. Again thank you so much for sharing with us!
Diane, This is SPOT ON. I really like your term “Man Needing Woman”. Back in the day we used to call those “Man Eating Women”. Great wisdom for women in this article! Thank you for putting it out there as a reminder to us women as well.
Kim, I actually toyed with that term, “man-eating”, but already felt like I was hammering us women kind of hard. It is my intention to give Matt some clear guidelines for what he (and his friends) may be sensing but unable to put into words. I really don’t want to bash my sisters- especially since I fall all too often right into this trap myself. God bless, Diane
Diane,
I see this in myself so much and i thank you for your wisdom and honesty to all of us. I like many other girls constantly find myself wanting and needing a man. When really all we need is to be content in the Lord 110% first and let Him fill that deepest hole that no one else can. Then wait for when the Lord decides to bring that guy into our life. I thank you for your words of great wisdom throughout these weeks as they are helping me to understand more how to be ]a God needing woman rather than a man-needing woman.
-A
Dear A,
We should start a club, “Women Who Are Trying To Be God-Needing Women”… I love how so many of us are beginning to recognize this in ourselves.
I think that’s a fantastic idea! I think more women than we realize struggle with this and it would be so much fun to get together and open up to each other, read the scriptures, and gain knowledge from each other.
Great message! …its hard when there is a lack of those qualities and a woman feels so independent and will be continually reminded by people how independent she is, that it seems men never feel needed when they are around you. How does a woman go from being viewed as an independent who doesn’t need a man to a potentially incredible interdependent helper?
Dear anon,
When I talk about a woman who needs a man, I mean emotional neediness. You are so right about our need to be somewhat independent in just life. At the same time, God is calling most of us into partnership and that implies a certain interdependence. I think the balance is so completely individual. I’ll never be called a daringly independent woman, my husband has supported me our whole married life. But learning to be dependent on God has freed me to love my husband skillfully.
Great question- and I’d love to hear from other women who might have some thoughts!
I loved this post and i could see myself in it from the past and some even now in the present. Though better thanks to Jesus! I have the same question as Anon above though in trying to understand this.
I’m thinking this is a future post…
I can see how all those can be problems and that’s definitely women and men too have an unhealthy need for attention but i think the problem of all this is deeper and it’s actually a problem with men in general lol way more than women. I wonder if women are more similar to God’s character than men because women aren’t afraid to feel and express emotion and God is the most emotional guy in the Bible, whereas most men struggle with this. I don’t know how a person can see the right way to love their spouse and do life unless they have the right level of emotions and i can clearly see that most men aren’t even close.
So i wonder, are women really too needy? or do their husbands just really not show them enough love and attention like God intended for them to do because we do know that God said it isn’t good for man to be alone so he made both men and women to need each other and since we can clearly see that the typical mans level of emotion doesn’t even come close to the ideal level which is God’s level and we see that women usually have no problem with this, maybe men have more to work on than most people think.
As for a mans calling: I’ve spent many years searching for what God is calling me to do and i’ve found some major things to do but i’ve found that when i compare how i feel about those to how i’ll feel about spending time with my wife, no type of work or goal or whatever, no matter how big and crazy i could think of doing things to change the world seem as fulfilling as just being with my wife someday. but like, that doesn’t mean we’ll just watch movies and go shopping together all the time. i want to spend a lot of my time growing with her, working on our life goals together, learning new things and talking about everything, So for me, i feel like my number one God given calling is to love my wife and that means a lot of time and energy into learning everything about her, being with her and growing with her.
a lot of people think that too much time together means they’ll get bored of each other and i know that it’s important to some self time to think and figure things out but idk how much and i think that alone time is a lot less than most people think. I think that people get bored from too much time together because they aren’t constantly learning new things and pushing themselves to grow because as long as my wife is learning new things she loves i’ll be learning new things about what she loves and how she thinks and i’m pretty sure i won’t ever get bored of that. I love this idea of her being my number one calling because even if i don’t “accomplish” anything from it as in get stuff done the way most people think, i’m learning how to love and experiencing love in a way i can’t do any other way and let’s be honest even though people say we should be getting all this from God, it’s just different. it is just different! be honest, the way you feel being close to your spouse feels a lot more real than spending a lot of prayer time or thinking about God or worshiping or whatever. even the rare times people have crazy encounters with God, those don’t happen as often as we need them. So what if that’s how God wants it? most people would think they’d be less close to God if they spent more time with their spouse and less time doing “church stuff” (not saying that stuff isn’t important!!!!). i personally think that God made it so that putting allllll that time and effort into loving your spouse is putting time and effort into knowing and loving God more because how could we not know and love Him more when we truly understand love and keep learning and going deeper into new levels of what love really is. and with that i think we’ll have more fruitful lives than anyone can imagine being possible.
i think for one thing, we don’t need more productivity like work work workkk! we need more creativity to do things a lot better and more efficient and one thing i’m sure of (because it’s working for me and i keep hearing people say how it works so well with them) is that our most creative times are when we aren’t working hard but the time relaxing after all the hard work. so i feel that spending more time with my wife and less time working but of that time working, work hard and think smarter and different than anyone else, i’ll actually accomplish some crazy things. and another thing, i know i can only do so much during my life so i’ve made it important to just find a few major things i want to do and i’ll try to do as much as i can with the amount of time i’ve given myself to work on them and give the rest of my time for my wife and kids. i know that i’ll still be able to accomplish a lot this way because the things i’ve learned about how to do science and music (two things i’m interested in doing) in the last 3 years with the amount of time i’ve put into them compared to other people just because i’ve thought about them so differently and put most of my time figuring out how to learn more efficiently and only go after the most important things.
and of course there’s a balance in all this but what i’m saying is men need to give more attention to their wives more way more than women need to learn to need less.
i guess you could say what do i know because i’ve never been married and maybe i’m off on some stuff but i like this way of doing it and i’m willing take the chance to see if it works. I have a crazy feeling that if done right, the fruit from my life will be way wayyy lol way! more when it seems like i’m spending all my time focused on my wife. and i guess we’ll just have to wait and see if it’s right but it seems like something important for people to spend some quality time thinking about because if i’m right about this then people don’t have to wait years just to see if it’s true and they can start making things happen now.
Josh,
Wow! “Listening” to you pour your heart out is fascinating! You are ready to pour a lot of love on a wife and children. I love your words about learning to do a few things extremely well rather than mindlessly working. Let me tell you a secret- women respect a man who works hard and becomes skilled at what he does. And women love the calling to come alongside and help. God bless!
Josh,
Although I agree that we all are meant to depend on God, I agree with you. Most men need to spend more time loving their wives. I’ve watched my dad spend most of his time working every single day and I honestly don’t know who is besides a hard worker and idealist for whom his wife and children weren’t enough. Maybe if he spent less time working and more time with his family, we would all feel more loved and enough, and less time looking for love elsewhere.
It is so difficult to imagine a God who loves us as much as our LORD, when one’s father does not show love. It took me a really long time to get how much God loves me and sometimes I still can’t believe it.
5034865800
Beth
Dear Diane,
First, let me tell you how thankful I am for this blog. The wisdom is so very much appreciated.
I used to be a man-needing woman. My last relationship was five years of trying hard to fill the void in my heart with someone who never could. I think that we grow up learning from society that a soul mate is what will fulfill our heart’s every desire and need, and then we learn the hard way this just isn’t true. Only Jesus can fill us and settle our restlessness.
It is important to remind myself and each other praying for a godly man to be our husband one day is a sound prayer- but not to not expect them to do what only God can.
It’s been a long year of healing with Jesus to understand and believe this truly in my heart, but I’ve come out stronger and happier embraced by the Lord. One of my favorite quotes comes from a podcast from Mike Erre, “when you die to the idea of soulmate and learn to serve you will find personal fulfillment.”
Thank you for always sharing your wisdom transparently
Grace and Peace,
Jesse
Jesse, That is a wonderfully wise quote from Mike Erre. Thanks for passing along wisdom that makes sense.
Great advice Diane! Always good to read your wisdom.
Diane,
Thank you for being so honest. I read this entry and instantly felt convicted.
I closed my laptop, and had to repent. I bought into the lie that a man will fulfill me. Worse, I was trying to use God to fulfill me until he provided the man. Then I was going to put that burden on the man!
It makes me shudder.
I asked God, “Where does this idea come from? Why do I think this?” Answer: It’s the air we breathe. So I prayed and asked God to cancel out that wrong thinking in the name of Jesus. And I said out loud, “A man will not fulfill me.” It felt odd the first time, because I only half-believed it. But I wanted to believe it! I wanted to let go of the lie I felt captive to. A lie I felt was so deeply rooted in my heart. So I said it a few more times, and I could feel the Holy Spirit connecting my heart and mind in the truth. I felt the truth settle into my heart, that only the Lord will fulfill me.
He put a picture in my mind of my wedding day, standing in front of my future-husband, and thinking in my mind what a wonderful man he is and how blessed I feel to have arrived at this day, but also remembering, a man will not fulfill me.
I feel this new truth being rooted in my heart. It makes me feel free.
Thank you. I needed to be corrected. And I love how God so lovingly corrects us.
Vivian,
Your practice of saying out loud what you choose to believe is wise. Your feelings will eventually catch up with what your will decides to believe… We need to be reminded over and over again.
Vivian,
Thank you for expressing your heart. What you said resonates with me. I’m right there with you! I constantly have to ask God to renew my mind and change my heart in this area. I feel so helpless much of the time, not knowing how to fix the brokenness within me. This makes me more dependent on God alone to change what’s broken in me, and to expose the lies I have believed. Your story brings me hope and great encouragement! Thank you!
I was sent to this blog by a brother in christ. I cannot tell you how important it is for men to to hear these messages. I’m seriously grateful for your honesty and for this blog. This is another great resource I can go to when I encounter broken women, they are such precious’s thing to deal with and they come in abundance in this fallen world.
Aaron,
Your heart to help women heal and become strong is beautiful. I am amazed at the honest answers I am reading from women… so humble and right on.
Great podcast I discovered today with Luis Palau. Super relevant on women being content in Jesus alone.
What Makes a Contented Woman:
http://change.palau.org/files/podcast/LuisPalauPodcast4.mp3
I can’t wait to listen! Thanks for passing this on.
Thank you for sharing this. It really hit home with me. I’ve had this man-needing mentality more than I think I realized. I’m going to print this out, or write it out and put it somewhere I can see so I can be reminded of the woman both God and I want me to be.
Diane,
I love the wisdom you share, thank you! The letters you have written to Matthew are incredible. This letter spoke volumes to me because I use to be that girl. Right out of high school I was engaged to a guy who didn’t love Jesus the way I did. I struggled so much because I felt so comfortable and loved, yet there was more that I needed from him. He could not give me everything I so deeply craved to feel, only God could. After going to loveology the Lord opened my eyes to show me he wasn’t the man I was supposed to marry. I truly have learned to surrender to the Lord, and trust that he has the perfect plan for my life, and that his plan is always better than my own. The honesty and tips you give are so applicable and encouraging as I become the woman God has intended me to be.
Blessings,
Jena
“A man-needing woman will use her sensuality to bind you to her.” Oh Di. I’ve seen this time and time again. I am marking all these posts to go over with Grant in a few years when he hits the dating age. THANK YOU!
Hi Diane
As a Mother of a precious son, I thank you for writing this and it is so true! Bless you for putting the words on paper and opening up a conversation.
God Bless <3
Michelle
So fantastic, & right-on for so many of us. I know this is a daily/hourly/every minute struggle for me. I know this is part of the strife in my own marriage. When I look first to my husband instead of FIRST to God we are immediately in trouble. That coupled with my Hubby’s own spiritual/prideful shortcomings & His wanting to answer every question/ fix every problem & whew we are in a pickle quick. Thanks for this reminder, which I need every.single.day. That he can’t, CANNOT fulfill me. And that this isn’t a shortcoming or indicator that I married the wrong person, but instead that I have a ‘God-shaped’ hole & no one & nothing else is ever gonna fill it.
Thank you.
this is super convicting and a great reminder! thank you for sharing!
I LOVED this one! An interesting thought that entered my mind while reading…#1-8 is also true of a “woman-needing man.” Anyone else have this thought?
Thank you so much for all that you do Diane. xx
Reading through this post, I am amazed at how deep-rooted this lie is in our hearts as women. Before entering into a dating relationship, I think I would have looked at this list and thought to myself, “I know so many women like this” but would not have put myself in that category (speck in our sisters’ eyes, right?).
How blind and prideful I was! I have seen this lie and its consequences explode out into my current relationship and despite my attempts to clean it up and “fix,” it has taken a radical move of the Spirit to fully expose this lie in my own heart. I grieve the time lost and wasted as a result of these false beliefs, both with the Lord and with my boyfriend.
How beautiful is it, though, that we have a God who continues to doggedly and passionately pursue our hearts even when we turn away from Him and toward foolish and empty desires? He is a God interested in restoration, healing, and hope. And He longs to fulfill us! He will not leave us empty-handed when we loose our grip on the objects and idols (i.e. relationships, men) we hold so tightly. His gifts and promises are abundant!
Thank you, Diane, for this post and all the truth and encouragement within it. Sisters, do not fear what the Lord has for you. Do not let pride blind you from the areas where God wants to work and sanctify you. I can promise that the pain and sacrifice of casting down idols will be worth it.
Brooke, Your comment is a post in itself. Thank you for your wise and encouraging words. Our hope is in the fact that as we draw close to God and humble ourselves in transparent honesty, HE CHANGES US!
And then… He redeems our mess and creates beauty… what a God we worship…
Hi Diane!
I just see the Lord’s heart behind your words always and that is incredibly beautiful to me! I often get giddy just thinking about reading your posts because I always leave learning something, am sometimes convicted, but always uplifted and refreshed. And this time I was definitely convicted! You see, I am nineteen years old and have never been in a relationship before and that often hurts me more than I think it should. And with each day and year that passes, as my love for the Lord grows deeper, I see my desires of becoming a wife and a mother grow deeper also, and I find that I end up feeling empty in these areas, and more and more doubtful. I do believe that these desires have been placed by God, but I admit that they sometimes are placed above where they should be. Also after I listened to you talked about how you married a Boaz and he still does not satisfy you from your Ruth series podcast, it really got me thinking, and I have realized that God is the only One who could ever deeply satisfy me. But I have been struggling with this because I don’t understand how God could satisfy my desire for romance? And how I can know that God intimately loves me? Thank you for all of your truth and beautiful revelations always. I am so grateful for you, Diane!
Oh this is so so good! I wish I could take you out for coffee and listen to your heart all day and share mine with you
Dianne,
Thank you for your wisdom and time! You are such a vessel for the Lord and a blessing in our lives.
I appreciate this post so much. I am 20 years old, and have been blessed by an amazing discipleship partner who has begun to reveal these truths to me over the course of our time together. I think it is such an important message for ladies to hear, and one that is SO often avoided and untouched. We find it very easy to put all the fault on the fellows, while many times the solution is recognizing out utter need to depend on the Lord, only he will satisfy. So I have a question, I recognize so many of these things in my life as struggles and issues that I am bringing before the Lord, with the knowledge that it will be a huge battle for me to overcome each new day. Do I let the knowledge that I struggle with these issues stop me from being in relationships? I do not want to burden a man with neediness that I wrongly put on him instead of turning to the Lord, and while I recognize it and am turning to the Lord to help me through it, I know have a long ways to go. Do I wait to enter relationships until I feel like I am more successful in my struggles? Or do I enter into a relationship knowing that it will be a struggle, and continue to turn to the Lord daily to help me through it? I hope this question makes sense, sometimes I find it hard to clearly communicate what’s going on in my head.
-Hannah
Diane, I believe this is great wisdom for your son as well as women who have been trapped in the sin of depending on a man to meet the needs that they need from God alone. I think its important to recognize this in ourselves as women but also to REALLY dig deep and find the ROOT of this problem. I read many responses of women with different reasons why they found themselves depending on a man or expecting their husbands to fill in the gap. It took me 7 years of marriage and a really difficult year in our family before I realized I was depending on my husband WAY too much and couldn’t function without him. I was constantly needy whether it me attention or affection i desperately NEEDED things from him all the time to survive. The same time Jesus showed me this sin in my life He was also in the process of removing my earthly father from my life. I grew up with a mean, angry, physically, and verbally abusive father who was constantly choosing substance over me. For 25 years I was DESPERATE with every fiber of my being for him to love and value me…for me to be beautiful and important in his eyes…and I was ALWAYS let down and cast aside. I turned to other men to meet this need and was always left with the same result, cast aside as a piece of trash. And here I was demanding the same needs from my husband and how frustrated he was that he never seemed to be attain it no matter how hard he tried. It took 25 years for me to see this in my life, to see I was after something I could ONLY receive from my Creator. I have spent the last 2 years working hard to grow in knowledge and understand of HOW to fully depend on God. I still don’t fully understand how to go to God for certain things that seem only attainable through a person but He is faithful to teach me through His Holy Spirit as much as I can handle at one time. It is a long process the healing and re-learning but I am so glad He revealed this sin in my life so I do not sap my husband of his strength and have unrealistic expectations of him. I thank God everyday that our daughters have a father that loves and values them and I will teach them as well as our son the importance of seeking God first in every area of their life. Thank you for sharing Diane.
Wow, that is so well spoken and, yes that was me when I married my husband too. Fortunately, God knew the man that I married would not tolerate my manipulation and schemes to get my way; I thank God for him today — but, I didn’t care for his strength of character back then because his strength was breaking my will for my way. It was only through the Grace of God and, my husband’s gentle spirit and unfailing love for me that got me to where I am today; my husband’s help mate and, through that journey, I’ve also found my best friend.
Hi Diane,
First, let me just say that I truly enjoy reading everything you write. Not only do i feel these letters are helpful to men, thy also force us women to take a good look at out own hearts. I appreciate your willingness to be so open and so vulnerable with these letters to your son. He truly is blessed to have a mother like you. I pray, that when I have children, i too am able to build a relationship with tthem that will enable them to trust me and seek out my advice and God given wisdom. I am a single woman in my mid twenties (hard to believe it, i was climbing trees and building forts with my brothers what feels like just yesterday!!). I am at a time in my life where i would like to get married. And i have strng desire for it. I long for a man whom i can love, support and encourage and who will do those things for me as well. Yet, after reading your blog, i am slightly concerned that i might have the belief that i will be much happier with a man then alone. I feel that with a husband i will able to live out my God given calling much better. Am i wrong? How do i check, double check and triple check my heart to make sure that my true and complete satisfaction and fullness comes from the Lord. While i want to be a wife and mother, i want ti learn to find joy in simple being loved and loving my heavenly father. Do you have any words of wisdom to pass on to me about this matter?
I truly appreciate your time.
Prayerfully and with love,
A sister in christ.
Dear Aniram,
No doubt about it,my role as Phil’s wife is the absolutely most fulfilling and satisfying and meaning-giving aspect of my life. I LOVE being a helpmate to a godly man. His vision is my vision, His goals are my goals for both of us. So, no, you are not wrong at all for wanting that someday. In fact, I would argue that you are ultimately made by God for that very purpose.
The problem comes when we indulge in a fantasy that requires that man to meet your inner needs in a way that no person is designed to do. For you to feel ready to come alongside and help a man “conquer his world” is a beautiful maturing into the woman you are meant to be. Some man is going to be overwhelmingly enriched by having you in his life (and climbing trees with your brothers is great prep for companionship!)
So you see, I just mean to help women take some of that unrealistic expectation off their men and let them soar. And for women to look to the Father alone for that kind of satisfaction they crave.
Thanks for writing so I could clarify that!