repost from 2.18.11

“…Love never fails…”

I Corinthians 13:8

Something horrible happened to me the other day, and it was my fault.

Like I do with lots of people every Sunday, I introduced myself to a woman who stood waiting near the front. Nothing remarkable about her. Brownish hair, smallish frame, an ordinary woman on an ordinary day in the midst of ordinariness.

She looked at me a little odd.

I chattered on about the weather, the cold, how long had she been going to Solid Rock? Ordinary stuff.

Her lip started to quiver just a tad- no drama, just a barely perceptible hint of hurt. Her eyes filled.

Worried, but still basically clueless, I asked for her name and told her mine, holding out my hand, being all nice… and normal.

That’s when she finally fell apart.

And that’s when I finally saw her.

Just two weeks before, this ordinary woman had taken extraordinary risk and opened her hidden hurts to me. Real hurts about bad things. Pain unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. Raw suffering.

I’d taken her into my arms and prayed for her… walked away with the promise to pray some more. Then trotted off into my ordinary world with ordinary pressures and promptly forgot.

How could I do that? What does that say about me? Don’t I care?

Over and over I’ve berated myself for that day. Hoping to hear the Father excuse me. Wanting Him to cover my callousness with nice words like, “How can you expect to remember everyone you meet? With all these people crowding this place, no one can be friends with every one. At least you try.”

But all I hear is the echo of her loneliness.

The truth is I don’t really love her. Not enough.

If it had been my sister pouring her story into my lap, I’d have hung on every word…prayed every day… searched for words from the Word to bring her hope and courage and truth.

Instead I forgot. I moved on. Another troubled soul in a world of wounded women. Ordinary.

The truth is my love is really thin. Meager. Miserly. Sometimes it doesn’t last longer than an after-church conversation and a quick prayer.

I say I love. I want to love. I even feel love.

But…love doesn’t forget the sorrows of a woman weeping in my arms.

Love doesn’t just step over someone’s wreckage and move seamlessly into ordinary. Not real love. Not Jesus love. Not the kind of love that hung on a Cross and bled for that woman.

And so today, instead of berating, I confess it. Out loud. With all of you listening in, I admit that I am a failed lover. My heart is still, after all these years of listening, not even close to being like His.

And there’s not a thing I can do about it. I know full well that I can’t make it a goal or cross it off a list or drum it up or name it and claim it and call it my own.

But He can. And now that I know what He knows, I can let Him. Because He has this crazy way of making me like Himself just when I get a glimpse of who I really am.

Its called love… wild, beautiful, stick-to-it, passionate love that changes me into someone who actually, really, honestly loves back. And who never forgets again.

From my heart,

Diane

Is He teaching you something similar?

8 Scary Things We Women Do…

when we think we need a man to make us happy.

Dear son,

A couple of letters back, I began to warn you to be alert and aware of the kind of woman who has the potential to sap you of your God-given and much needed strength. I let you know how close I came to being that kind of wife to your dad. And how he took me by the hand and helped me to know that only in utter dependence on God would I ever have the hole in my soul filled full.

Because even though I was honestly seeking God with all my heart, I still thought that being married to a godly man would make me feel forever loved and happy and fulfilled.

I think most women think that deep down. And it’s wrong.  It doesn’t work that way, not even a little. And it’s not supposed to. No man can satisfy a woman in those deepest places of her restless heart. Only God can do that— and for most of us women it takes a lifetime to figure out how that really works.

Now that I’ve scared you half to death, let me offer just a couple of words of practical description to help you recognize and avoid a needy woman. Remember, I’m describing who I once was, who I fight not to be even now.

#1  A man-needing woman will need more of you than you have to give.

#2  A man-needing woman will insinuate that you are not “there for her enough”.

#3  A man-needing woman will put you on the defensive- a lot.

#4  A man-needing woman will use her sensuality to bind you to her.

#5  A man-needing woman will often give in to intense expressions of emotion, requiring excessive      amounts of assurance from you.

#6  A man-needing woman will want you all to herself all of the time.

#7  A man-needing woman will generate a great deal of conflict.

#8  A man-needing woman will argue that you need to help her more rather than seeing her calling to be your help.

Please notice, my son, that a man-needing woman is not a bad woman. She may be beautiful and gentle and sweet and sitting in the front row with her Bible open at every gathering.

But until a woman figures out for herself that men are not meant to fulfill her craving need for more, and that only a close and intimate and dependent connection with God can fill that craving, she’ll be a strength sapper.

And you, my dear son, need every ounce of your hayil to do what God is calling you to do and to do it with the “vigor” (vs. 3) of a king.

From my heart,

Mom

Dear girls,

Don’t hate me! I get it, I really do. Yet I also know that the truth is what sets us free from ourselves.

So let’s be honest with each other, confess our weaknesses to each other, and go after all that God has waiting for us if we’ll only ask.

So… comments anyone? Do you see this in yourself?

Go ahead and make up a “pen name” for this one if you want… no need to completely terrify our guys!

Somehow I think if you’ll be honest here you’ll give all of us the courage to keep learning.

From my heart for you,

Diane

When I use to think of almonds, cashews, peanuts, etc; words like trail mix, high fat, and severe allergic reactions came to mind.

Never did I imagine the endless possibilities they contain or the nutritional benefits they hold.

Sauces, creams, crusts, desserts, flours, bars… the list goes on and on and on again.

Cashews are currently my favorite to use for creams and sauces and I shared my favorite Cashew Pesto with you a few weeks ago.

Today’s recipe is a basic cashew cream that can be used in place of cheese in just about anything. I actually prefer it to cheese any day!

Here are a few ideas:

• on pizza instead of cheese (see recipe below)
• in tacos
• drizzled over veggies
• in enchiladas instead of cheese
• as a dipping sauce for veggies
• as a sauce for pasta
• whatever else sounds good!

You can also add whatever you like to this recipe to fit your tastes and what you are serving it with.

Add ins:

• For tacos: add some cilantro and lime juice
• For pizza: add fresh basil
• For pasta: add garlic cloves or garlic powder
• For something spicy: add a few dashes of cayenne pepper

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

BASIC CASHEW CREAM

INGREDIENTS:

1 C raw cashews

1/2 C + 1 T water

1 T nutritional yeast (if you have never used this before, it can be found in the bulk section at Winco, Whole Foods and New Seasons. It has a cheese like flavor and even smells like cheese!)

1/4 t sea salt

dash or two of nutmeg (I know it sounds weird but it really does add a nice nutty flavor without overpowering it)

TO MAKE:

Simply put everything in a high speed blender or food proccesor and blend until smooth.

We used this on our pizza for dinner tonight and here is an example of how to use it:

Bake your crust for about 6 minutes before adding toppings.

Layer pizza sauce, then cashew cream, then any other toppings you like and bake for 15 more minutes or until crust begins to brown.

ENJOY!

When I was watching my body swell with the miracle of my firstborn three decades or so ago, I knew I wanted to do some things differently with my children than my own mother had.

Something inside of me needed to prove to all the watching world that I was not my mom. That I was me. And that in being me I could be a better mother than mine had been.

(my granddaughter Scarlet and I)

I was wrong.

Because, you see, in rejecting so much of my mom I  gave my children just me. And I wasn’t enough for them. I didn’t have all that they needed. And I made so many mistakes in the process of trying to prove something that wasn’t right.

And to be honest with you, I hurt my mom by failing to value who she was.

The truth I see now is that my mom is an amazing woman. Her own mother was nice and sweet and gentle and not very involved in her life. They didn’t talk about important things, she never said no or be careful or maybe you shouldn’t go there or do that. And that messed my mom up a bit.

(my mom and Scarlet)

And so my mom determined to raise us differently. She talked to me. Told me things I didn’t want to hear, warning her head-in-the-clouds daughter that life is not a fairy tale and I’d better watch out.

And she did stuff with us. She was the den mother and the chaperone and the driver of the car on trips to the beach. Everybody hung out at our house because she always had homemade cookies and enough food to feed the crowd. And she was fun.

And now you’re wondering what in the world I would reject about that?

I know.

I would saved all of us a whole lot of trouble if I’d simply made a few adjustments to allow myself to be me while still listening to mom.

My mother and I are friends now. Two women on polar opposite ends of the personality spectrum, we work hard to get along, to value each other, to give each other space to be who we are. It’s not always easy and it doesn’t always work as well as we’d like, but we’re trying.

I’ve put together a list of things I have discovered in this process of becoming friends with my mother that I hope will help you with yours.

(my granddaughter Sunday and daughter-in-law Tammy)

I realize that there are some really mean and hurtful mothers out there who have caused immense pain. And I know that some of you will never be able to actually call your mom your friend.

But we can all try, can’t we?

And we can all take responsibility for our own responses.

You can be gracious and lovely and strong and nice back. No one can take that away from you.

And so with Mother’s Day just behind us and my mom visiting this week, here are…

SIX WAYS TO FIX WHAT IS BROKEN BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR MOM:

1.    Accept her

This is what I failed to do for a long time. Instead of loving who she was, I poked and critiqued and compared.

What arrogance!

And what a waste.

When I finally began to let her be who she is, I began to see how great she really is and has been all along. She is incredibly organized and disciplined and smart and giving and open and fun. I really like her- imagine that!

2.    Forgive her

Holding a grudge against your mother is pointless and harmful and unwise and unproductive. You saw her at her worst. And your kids will see enough of you in their lifetimes to figure out everything wrong with you too. Set yourself free from all that pain she caused you before you end up dumping it all over your own children.

3.    Learn from her mistakes

Be honest with yourself about what she did wrong. Then choose differently. You don’t have to make a show about it like I did all those years ago. In fact, I’m inviting my daughters a little further into my story to allow them to build on my mistakes. There are things I’d do differently if I had a chance and I’m talking about some of those things with my girls.

A little humbling? Yeah, but amazingly liberating at the same time.

4.    Be grateful

It’s so easy to criticize your mom. To take potshots at her way of doing everything from laundry to love. What if instead we decided to start listing every memory we have that we’re grateful for? What if we stopped comparing her to The Perfect Mom and chose to value her instead?

5.    Show it

Every mother lives with a certain amount of shame. We remember every time we yelled, or were cross, or didn’t do enough. Some mothers harden up to put that pain into an untouchable vault, denying any wrongdoing ever. Others get all needy, sucking their children of every last vestige of affirmation available.

When my children point out something they value about me I hold those words close inside and relish every syllable. Its not thanks we need so much as recognition of who we are as women. And it’s my own children who have uncovered this need. They are generous with their words to me. And it’s making me see that I’ve been stingy with my mom.

6.    Know when to speak up

Sometimes a mother has hurt her children so deeply that it becomes impossible to overlook those flaws.  And sometimes a mother continues to hurt her adult children with her unedited words or unaccounted for actions. That’s when we’ve got to gather every last vestige of courage, risk the relationship, and obey the Scriptural injunction in Ephesians 4:25 to “Speak the truth in love”. The actual Greek wording is something like “Speak! Speak! that truth in a loving way.”

My advice to any daughter considering such a step would be to seek out godly counsel before going there. We’re such emotionally intense creatures- especially when it comes to relationships, that we would be wise to allow someone else to weigh in on our plan. After all, mothers get their hearts hurt too and most of the bad stuff can really be overlooked.

May this One who craves connection with us clear the way for you to have close and loving connection with your own mothers and daughters and sons in the year to come.

And may He give you the courage to do the hard work of learning how.

From my heart,

Diane

P.S. Thanks, Mom, for allowing me to be who I am. Love, Di

 

TWO KINDS OF WOMEN:

GOD-NEEDING

OR

MAN-NEEDING

Dear Matthew,

There are, I have come to see, two kinds of women: God-needing women and man-needing women.

God-needing women are women who are learning and growing and practicing what it looks like in everyday life to “hope in God” (see I Peter 3:5). They’re not perfect, not by a long shot. But they’ve figured out that only God can satisfy the craving in their hearts for more. And they’re pursuing Him actively and purposefully, gaining wisdom and knowledge and intimacy with God.

These women intentionally reject the notion that a man will make them happy. Instead, they look to God for all that He has to say about happiness and joy and serving and giving out of the overflow of a heart that belongs wholly to Him.

That’s the kind of woman I pray you find when the time is right.

Man-needing women are pursuing men.

They’re sure that a man will quench their raging thirst for affirmation and affection. The right man, they dream, will sweep them off their feet and carry them away to a world of beauty and romance and love, love, love.

And they’ll drain you of every last drop of your hayil in their frantic attempt to find what they crave.

Now, let me tell you the real truth about me.

When I married your dad I was just 19 years old. I had grand dreams of being a godly women, wanted with all my heart to serve Him and honor Him. I knew I was marrying a godly man and I loved everything about the life he offered me. With my head in the clouds, I imagined that being married to a leader would offer me security and a place in this world. It would be like being at church 24/7. All happiness and singing praises and satisfaction at the deepest level.

I was wrong.

In reality it felt like the church wanted everything from Phil and I was supposed to be chipper and happy and smiling and nice all the time.

But I was lonely.

And needy.

And not happy.

Somehow we survived that tumultuous first year of adjustments and my unrealistic expectations and I began to realize that my good and godly and loving and romantic leader of a husband would never fulfill me.

In fact, the deeper I delved into Scripture, the more it dawned on me that it was not his job to fulfill me!

Yet that yawning hole inside my soul beckoned to be filled. With your dad’s wise guidance and many hours spent with godly older women, I began to understand that my desperate neediness was meant to drive me into an intimate and satisfying relationship with Jesus. And that He alone could fill those empty places.

But, Matt, it wasn’t a pretty process.

And that’s why I want to warn you away from women who erroneously believe that a man— any man— even you, will make them happy.

With Lemuel’s mom, I want to warn you away from such a woman- a woman like I once was. Because the truth is, I was sucking the life out of my husband, trying to grab all his strength and vitality and attention for me.

And you know the rest of my story.

How God let me get to a place of deep surrender and how He has been filling me and feeding me and satisfying me all these years— not by my good and godly husband, nor through my super-smart-absolutely-perfect children, but just in Himself.

Lemuel’s mother cries out for her son to listen! listen! listen!

She knows that the wrong woman will ruin the king. The word there in Hebrew means to “wipe out”. And that is exactly what can happen if a leader marries a man-needing woman.

And it is almost what happened to your father— because of me.

Next week, I’m going to write out another one of those lists for you. I know how men think in tangible, identifiable terms. But for now, just listen, my son.

Don’t be fooled by the giddy idealism of a girl who thinks you will sweep into her life and carry her away on your gleaming white horse and make life perfect.

You can’t.

What you can do is invite a woman whose heart is filled with God to join you in serving Him. You can offer her the breathtaking adventure of following at whatever the cost. You can point her to the security that can only be found in Him. You can point her to the Cross, and all the life that dying to self offers to everyone who chooses His way.

I love you, son. And I’m praying that you will have the discernment to know the difference between a woman who needs God and a woman who needs a man.

From my heart,

Mom

To the women who are reading this:

Can you offer some practical pictures of what a God-needing woman does with all that desire for more?

Would you help me explain what it looks like when a well-meaning woman thinks a man might fill that emptiness?

 After all, I’m thinking there must be a whole lot of women like me who are learning the hard way how to find all our hope in God.

 

“What, O my son?

And What, O son of my womb?

And what O son of my vows?

Do not give your strength to women,

Or your ways to that which destroys kings.”

Proverbs 31:2,30

 Dear Matthew,

Before I launch in to a list of qualities to look for in a good and godly wife, I want to take a moment to reiterate the warning King Lemuel’s mom gives at the beginning of her own letter to her son.

First of all, her son is a man, not a boy when she pours out her heart to him. Like you, Lemuel was a leader of men. He had authority and influence. And with that position of leadership, he had obligations.

And so do you.

Years and years ago, while you were just a boy, you sensed God’s calling to spiritual leadership. With ironclad determination you have pursued the preparations necessary to equip you for that kind of leadership. You know where you are going and what you need to get there.

You are a rarity.

So many men your age have no idea where they are going or why they are doing what they got up this morning to do. Few are the men who have listened to God’s voice and direction for their lives. Fewer still are the men who have mapped out how to get where God is directing them to go.

As your mom, I have watched and pondered and wondered at this rare and wonderful guidance from God.

And, as your mom, it scares me to my knees.

I have labored for you in prayer. Like the writer of this letter, I have seen God intervene and answer my prayers in the midst of battles and distractions and temptations. And yet I know that you are a threat to the Satan, that enemy whose sole aim is to destroy what God wants to do.

And so, with Mama Lemuel, I want to pause to warn you to keep a strong guard around yourself lest you forfeit your right to a position of leadership in this Kingdom of God on earth.

Because it doesn’t take much to be knocked out of the race. 

Lemuel’s mother used a fascinating word to warn her son about a wasted life.

Hayil, translated strength in the NIV, is a vastly important word that has to do with physical strength as well as wealth and ability and dignity. It is a word that encompasses noble character and special abilities.

Do not spend or use up or waste your hayil on women, she warns— and this from a woman! She’s warning her son that we, of the tribe of Eve, can and often are voracious eaters of men!

And Matt, I just want to chime in and agree. When you’re reading these letters over the next few months, please listen with the realization that the wrong kind of woman can sap your strength, steal your hayil, and rob you of your God-given calling.

The stakes are high, my son. And the temptation is great.

May God give you the wisdom and the patience to wait for a woman who will add to your strength rather than take more than you have.

From my heart,

Mom

Come back tomorrow to learn about… Two Kinds Of Women.

To the women who are reading this:

Please be patient with me as I attempt to describe to my son (and all the sons who read these words) what a godly woman looks like. And if you have any pieces of wisdom to add, please do! I welcome your input into Matt’s learning.

 

(source)

The sun is shinning. The days are slowing getting warmer and longer. The season of berry cobblers and fresh apple crisps is right around the corner and I have a recipe to get you as excited as I am about it!

(I know apples are more of a late summer/fall fruit but, like I said, I’m a little excited.)

I have always LOVED apple crisp but have been deprived for years due to the fact that it contains copious amount of butter… not to mention the flour… both of which my body doesn’t seem to like much.

After years of deprivation (do you feel sorry for me yet?), I decided to take matters into my own hands and attempt an apple crisp that I could eat and not pay for it later.

It’s a crowd pleaser in our house and I hope you enjoy it as well!

ENJOY!

Elizabeth

What are some the recipes your are looking forward to this summer?

 

MAPLE APPLE CRISP

INGREDIENTS:

• 5 heaping cups granny smith apples (4-5 apples), pealed and chopped into small chunks or slices
• 1 T lemon juice
• 1 T real vanilla
• ¼ C real maple syrup
• 1 T cinnamon

• ¾ C oat flour (whole wheat flour works too but I think the oat flour makes it moister and tastier)
• ¾ C slow cooking oats
• 1 C organic brown sugar
• 5 T Earth Balance butter (or real butter)

TO MAKE:

Mix apples, lemon juice, vanilla, maple syrup, and cinnamon all together and place in a medium or large baking pan.

Combine flour, oats, brown sugar and butter using a pastry knife or fork until butter is in small chunks and ingredients are combined.

Pour topping over apple mixture and bake at 350 for about 50 min. Check it at that point and see if the top is starting to brown and apples are very soft, it may need a bit more time.

*The key is cooking it long enough for everything to get soft enough to melt in your mouth!

 

TO SERVE:

Enjoy with vanilla ice cream, coconut milk ice cream or pumpkin ice cream!

 

We tested out our ice cream maker we got for Christmas and made some coconut milk ice cream and it did not disappoint!

OTHER VARIATIONS: 

• You can use a pie crust (I think the store bought ones are the best!) on the bottom and then follow the same instructions if you want it to be more pie like
• It is also delicious with real caramel syrup drizzled on top!