FOUR REASONS FOR MARRIAGE: family
For the past several weeks, in between some great Love Stories, we’ve been taking a fresh look at four reasons for marriage… and four questions to ask yourself while looking for The One… and four areas, which must align in your relationship in order to make a marriage great.
We’ve talked about the pillar of Friendship…and the importance of Mission…about Sexuality and how our choices in this area affect just about everything…
And today I want to talk about the forth pillar that lays a strong foundation for a vibrantly God-honoring marriage.
FAMILY
Right at this moment I am sitting three feet away from three of the most important people in my life. Their names are Jude, Moses, and Duke…my grandboys. They’re cuddled up in a ragtag assortment of love worn blankets watching Baloo the Bear dance across the screen in The Jungle Book.
(Jude)
(Moses)
(Duke)
These boys think I can do no wrong. They beg to come to my house, obey me better than their parents, believe everything I say and basically fill my life with more love and affection than I ever thought possible. And in just a couple of weeks I’m going to get two granddaughters to add to this rich tableau.
If that isn’t enough to convince me of the richness of my life with Phil for these past 33 years, I just have to look at the messages on my phone: John Mark telling me I’m just the greatest, Tammy asking for wisdom, Rebekah confiding her heart in me, Elizabeth asking me to join her in a shopping spree, and Matt wondering what time I’m planning dinner and can he bring a friend?
My life couldn’t be fuller. Or better. Or richer.
When Phil and I fell in love we didn’t know much more about being parents than that we wanted to raise our children to love God passionately.
We had no idea how, no clue what to do.
But we set out on a search for wisdom that soon became our center message. Together we read and asked questions and sought counsel and prayed and searched the Scriptures.
We made sacrifices and so did our kids.
We made mistakes and so did our kids.
But under Phil’s leadership and love our family thrived, our marriage became bigger than just us, and our ministry came to encompass a whole bevy of gifted individuals who are now leading their own families in the way of the Kingdom.
And it all started with a vision. And a prayer. And just the tiniest hope that maybe God could do something with us— something magnificent, something world changing.
It was 1981 and we were living in a dingy rental home near Multnomah University while Phil went to grad school. I had a six-month-old baby, no family nearby, no friends, no car, and no money. But just down the street was a fabulous used bookstore in the basement of a decrepit old house. One day while I was perusing the musty shelves for something to read, I stumbled upon an out of print book that changed my whole view of parenthood. With the unfortunate title of, “Marriage to a Difficult Man”, I’m sure Phil must have wondered what in the world was up with me! But this was a biography of one of America’s most influential theologians, Jonathon Edwards.
Towards the back of the book, the author had listed the impact that Jonathon and Sarah Edwards’ family had had on the history of our nation. Generation after generation of men and women of tremendous influence whose mission became bringing the Kingdom into the world in which they lived.
There were politicians and pastors and missionaries and culture changers. Artists and policy makers and ambassadors and even a Vice-President of the United States.
I was blown away.
Two painfully ordinary people who were used by God to affect extraordinary influence on the world.
And we wanted to do the same.
You see we’d come to know the Lord so late in life that the first many years were spent just figuring out what it meant to be Jesus followers. We assumed that our direct impact would be less than spectacular.
But we knew our children would have a different story. And so God put it on our hearts to pray for and work towards and make it our mission to raise up a generation of Jesus followers who would love Him and know Him and be equipped to serve Him in ways far beyond our own limited capacities.
And He did.
Crazy.
John Mark serves Him as lead pastor of Solid Rock. Rebekah and her husband Steve are bringing light and joy and hope right there in the middle of L.A.’s design culture. Elizabeth is pouring into her children and partnering with her husband who is a pastor. Matt spends his days studying theology so he can be equipped for the mission God calls him to.
And we all have huge flaws and embarrassing tendencies. Sin and Satan crouch at the door waiting for us to mess up, just like everyone else.
We do fail, we will fail.
But our family has chosen to hide in the shelter of a Redeemer who uses even people like us.
And now the next generation of passionate Jesus followers are being trained… what will they be? And do? Will their names someday be listed in the back of an out of print book in an obscure bookstore?
Phil and I have chosen to give our lives to this crazy Comer family of ours.
Together.
Because with Phil leading and me serving and both of us praying and talking and working and loving and doing hard things, we have formed something beautiful. Something important.
And that, my dear friends, is one incredibly valuable reason for marriage.
And one incredibly important reason to choose carefully.
From the heart of a grateful woman,
Diane
So much wisdom. So sweet to the soul and SO needed. Thank you.
“And so God put it on our hearts to pray for and work towards and make it our mission to raise up a generation of Jesus followers who would love Him and know Him and be equipped to serve Him in ways far beyond our own limited capacities.” This one statement resonates so powerfully for me. Regardless of the circumstances in my life (sadly divorce and many other wrong turns) Committing to pray for my children, and making it my mission to raise them up as Christ followers and obedience to God through it all, I too see the blessings with older children who are following Him so passionately and younger boys who love Jesus. Blessings and Love, Elizabeth
Dear Elizabeth,
God has used you to bring up a family through all the ups and downs of real life. Your relentless faith and joy bless us all! Diane
Amen. Amen. Amen. Never have I realized the weight of who I married up until now (I mean I knew it was super important but having a daughter who I know will follow all of daddy’s steps changes the entire thing). And praise the LORD for mothers…wow…my mom is still staying the night helping me know what it’s like to be a mom-and get sleep
Thanks, Diane for raising such beautiful children-SUCH BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN. Please write the book…before we hit the “raising” Ruth part
love, Anna Norman
Dearest Anna,
What a blessing you have in a mom who understand the ongoing need to pour into her children’s lives. And you most certainly married a godly leader! LIke you, I had no idea WHY I married Phil except he swept me off my feet and I saw something good and strong and unshakeable in his faith. What an amazing thing it is to have a husband who father’s his children like the Father. Blessings on your sleep! Diane
As ever Diane, you fill my heart with the drive and the passion to work hard toward becoming the kind of woman I so want to be – the kind of woman who loves God fiercely, trusts him wholly and implicitly, and teaches the family around her how to do the same. Thank you for being a role model for all of us young women, truly.
Dear Lauren, You, my dear, have a beautiful way with weaving words and truth… I suspect that some writing may be in your future… looking forward to reading it! Diane
You have one of the most beautiful families I’ve ever, ever seen!! And to know you asked for it-so very inspiring.
And do you know, I was embarrassed to ask… who am I anyway? I thought that really good families were for the giants of the faith… not for women like me who fail so often. BUt I have learned that God delights in using broken people who need Him every day.
I love this. As I read through your posts I feel like you are me later in life. =) I can’t explain why, but it’s as if every writing of yours I already know what you are going to say and I fully agree. Even though I’m not at the point in life you are yet, you reaffirm in my heart that this — my family, marriage and life is a battle worth fighting for and it’s so amazing that I get to see you live it out. It’s as if someone has gone before me and lights the way. I am truly eternally grateful for the decisions you have made, because each one has impacted me so deeply, even though you don’t know me. Every single time I sit in the seats of Solid Rock, tears pouring down my face, soaking in every fiber of Jesus and His Kingdom here on earth, you are brought to mind and I “thank God at every remembrance of you.” I feel like you were the silent fighter, the compassionate warrior and the tenacious seeker that brought your family to this amazing place of peace and wholeness. Since I am from a big family, to be sure I know that there is no perfection, but I can see the affects of one person giving their heart and life over to Jesus in the quiet hours so that He could bring His Kingdom here in the masses. “Iron sharpens iron” comes to mind when I read your posts, I know that Jesus has used you and is using you in my life and in the lives of countless others. Even while you are sitting with your grandsons, the affects of your choices are impacting my day today, because yesterday we got to start off our week hearing the truths of Jesus Christ and today we get to walk them out. There was a time in my life I thought that was impossible. Having been raised in church I thought I knew all there was to know, and now I get to find out each week how much more there is to know, love and live out about Jesus. I will look forward to the day when Heaven comes to earth and there will be no more tears and pain, but until then I will look to women, like you, who have chosen to keep their eyes on Jesus and go for the prize, so that those coming after could have hope. Thank you for sharing your heart and being open and vulnerable. I have the greatest respect for you and for your personal relationship with Jesus. I can imagine that He cherishes every moment with you. Thank you.
Dear Rebekah,
Your beautifully encouraging comment has both blessed and humbled me. Blessed me because I so WANT to be that warrior woman you describe… paving a path and encouraging women not to fear the way ahead. And humbled me because I know my own reality- my misjudgments and stubbornness and raging emotions that obscure the truth far too often… and yet I know the One you’re really seeing and He is beautiful. May my words always, always, always point you to HIm.
with love, Diane
Thank you for the reminder to choose carefully!!
thanks for sharing this wisdom!! you’ve been so blessed!
I most certainly have been, Stephanie. And as JohnMark and Phil reminded us this last Sunday, we are blessed to be a blessing. Much love to you down there in the sunshine! Diane
Diane, this is truly beautiful. Your stories are so inspiring and God really speaks to me through you. Thank you for sharing your stories and being so vulnerable and real. You’re helping God change my life and helping me get to know God. I can’t say how thankful I am.
Dear Paige,
Everyday I am amazed that God actually uses people- us- to point each other to Himself. I love Psalm 71:18″ Now that I am old and grey (Yep, that’s grey peeking thru!)… let me proclaim Your power to this new generation…”Much love, Diane
Blessed me to my core. To be part of Christ’s Legacy in His family…..and to have a Godly Legacy on earth, is something to deeply cherish. I’m honored to call you my friend <3