Rise up, O Judge of the earth!

Psalm 94:2

NIV

Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you,

And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.

For the LORD is a God of justice;

How blessed are all those who long for Him.

Isaiah 30:18

NASB

The Meaning of His Name:

This is not God’s most popular name. Not by a long shot. In fact, this is a name that sends shudders up our backs— we cringe a little every time we’re faced with this aspect of who He is.

After all, who likes a judge? He’s that stern visaged man behind the dias who wears a black robe. His pronouncements are permanent. He holds in his hands the power to alter the course of your life, to lock you away from all you long for, to forfeit your freedom.

Not exactly someone you’d want to cozy up to.

But I have a friend who is a judge, and he’s not like that at all. In fact, he’s been called the Crying Judge because his heart weeps with sorrow every time he stares a defendant in the face. Tom spends his days designing discipline for men and women who stand before him convicted of substance abuse. And it breaks his heart.

You see, Tom’s own daughter once struggled and lost against the pull of the dark powers of drugs. And in every face, Tom glimpses his little girl, once so full of future hopes, now lying in a coffin under the earth, the victim of her own mistakes.

No wonder this judge cries.

And God cries too. Longing to give to you and to me a life full of joys, a life living in close connection with His heart, but we push away like Tom’s daughter did.

More →

Has the post-race euphoria worn off yet or are you still basking in the glow of mission accomplished? It was wonderful to meet many of you on race day, pray together, race together, and celebrate together.  I’m so proud of each one of you. You did it!

A big thank you to Diane Comer for casting the vision of Not Your Own and to Elizabeth Mosser for all the behind-the-scenes formatting work she put into each post.  Thank you to each of you who volunteered at packet pick up, to Monica and Brian Albaugh for transporting and setting up our tent, and to each of our family members who volunteered on race day.  We appreciate all your extra effort.

Tricia Ball, one of our Not Your Own half-marathoners, blessed me with a hand-stamped silver necklace that says “Not Your Own.”  She is making them available for sale to our group at a reduced price of $20 per necklace.  If you would like a daily reminder that you are Not Your Own, visit Tricia’s Etsy store to place your order.

Thank you to each of you who took the time to write out your story.  It’s been like Christmas this week at my house as I opened each of your emails and read with joy the work God has begun in your lives.  We have some pretty incredible sisters in this family!  Young and old, experienced and novice, runners and walkers…  our Not Your Own group was diverse but united around a central theme of honoring God with our bodies.  God took our desire to honor Him and wrote beautiful and diverse stories in the hearts of each woman.  Listen to just how creative our God is.

•••••

Remember Melinda my friend in Canada?  The day before our race she received word that her cancer has spread.  In her words, “Though it has spread to more lymph nodes it is still fairly localized and I’m not dying from it yet – just inconvenienced by it for another year at least.  Tomorrow I am running at 8 a.m.  I’m going to be praying lots.  Praising Him for the positive results and the not so positive ones. By His grace and for His glory – run, walk or crawl.  It’s going to happen because I am Not My Own.”  Melinda ran the entire 10k by herself in the wood of British Columbia.  “It was a battle, but I did it!” she said. “I prayed the whole time.  God gave me a song in my head and I kept picturing all of you ladies running beside me.  I ended up beating my best time ever by 40 seconds.  Praise the Lord!”

•••••

Elizabeth, a middle-aged momma who wanted to be healthy enough to keep up with her boys originally set out to run the half-marathon.  As she began to train, she realized her schedule and her body would not accommodate a safe half-marathon and she was forced to adjust her goal to walk the 10k.  “God knew exactly what I could do because I am Not My Own.  My walk/run training the past three months was a challenge for me.  I kept to it.  It did not yield a half marathon. God knows me.  He knew what I could do.  He sent me not one but two angels.  One angel named Rachael to train with and one angel named Kelsey to do the race with.”

•••••

Tanya and Trisha took comfort and encouragement in walking the entire race together.  It was a first for Tricia and she finished faster than her goal time, recovered quickly, and enjoyed it more than she expected.  “The Not Your Own was an answer to prayer,” Tricia said. “God used it to get me up and moving but more importantly, to change my heart. Thank for the reminder that we are not our own, bought at a price and worth so much more.”

Tanya said, “The verse I got on race day in my email was Romans 12:5 NLT.  It says, ‘…so it is with Christ’s body.  We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.’ Not only do we each belong to God, but to each other too! Seems like we did a great job of exemplifying this today – encouraging each other and serving each other to do great things. Kind of fitting, no?”

•••••

Bob was not a part of our group.  He probably doesn’t even know Solid Rock exists, but he sent this email to the race coordinator and she forwarded it to me.  He said, “As I was completing the Helvetia half marathon, I suffered a severe leg cramp when I entered the finishing chute.  I couldn’t stand so I sat down and tried to straighten my leg.  Some lady came to help me stretch and relieved the cramp.  She helped me up and I was able to get across the finish line.  In my rush to finish, I’m not sure I thanked this lady for her help. She was with a group of women who were gathered just to the left of the finishing chute.  I’m old and slow, but I love this race and plan to participate as long as I can.  Perhaps you might know of this group and could let them know how much I appreciate this lady’s help.”   That was our tent ladies and most likely one of you who helped Bob.  How cool is that?

•••••

Crissy has me to blame for roping her into Not Your Own.  She lives in Newberg and we became friends through a Christian-based moms group.  She said, ”My husband says I’m an athlete now since I ran in my first 10k race last weekend, but that wasn’t my goal with I committed to training for this event three months ago.  Jodi’s simple call to action on Facebook caught my attention.  ‘C’mon ladies.  Who’s going to join me?’  The Bible passage she included is what held my attention, ‘You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body.’  (I Cor. 6:19-20)

I’m in, I thought.  Then I typed it.  Then I went on to read what I was in on.  I was going to run a race? I was excited and a little nervous because I didn’t know what to do first.  The word training hadn’t entered my head yet.  I just knew I had to ‘practice’ running.  I ran the first few weeks in my Crocs until Jodi told me I better go get a pair of running shoes fast!

As I ran more and was able to think less about the mechanics of what I was doing, I began to realize running really cleared my mind.  I was inspired by Jodi to keep my mind quiet and listen to what God might have to say to me.  Each time I tied on my new running shoes, God showed me something new.    Some of these things may seem small, but they were important to me.  I learned:

1. To obey. God said, ‘Just do this and watch what happens,’ so I did.
2. To be humble. God wanted me to see that I don’t always have to contribute some of my creative ideas to accomplish a goal.  I didn’t have to make this more complicated than it was.  God said, ‘Just go run.  Run more and more and more each time until you reach the goal.  I designed your body and it can run.  You can do this.  Trust me.”
3. There is treasure to be found in routine. Many of the things I do are very cyclical (laundry, dishes, washing the kids’ faces) and as soon as I finish them, they need to be done again.  While I was running one day, I realized I would have to keep running again and again if I wanted to stay in shape.  In that moment God shed light on the truth that all of these routines are actually His glorious design.  None of these things are just getting in the way and taking time from other things I could be enjoying.  These are things to be enjoyed.

This is probably the most important truth I learned while running, and I don’t think I could have clearly understood it amidst a pile of laundry or a load of dishes. It helped me to understand that anything I do can and should be done for the glory of God.  Now I can say I run for the glory of God!

•••••

The Albaugh family touched not just the people who know their story but also fellow runners on the course.  Brian and Monica’s son Jaron was born with Miller-Dieker syndrome.  He wasn’t expected to live to see his first birthday that he celebrated in March of this year.  Isn’t God good?  Jaron’s nickname is Turtle Man based on a picture of him smiling at two weeks old.  According to his mom, “his amazing life has transformed each of our lives over the course of the last year.  He is our little glimpse of heaven, here on earth.”

Monica writes, “When I started this journey, I had a good 40 pounds to lose, half of which I’m still working on.  A few years ago I decided to do something about my weight.  It took actually losing weight for me to realize my relationship with food and being inactive was actually sin I was clinging to.  I used food to bring me joy, to comfort me when I was stressed, frustrated, or just plain bored. I chose not to view my body from God’s perspective. He created our bodies to be his temple, a sacred place where His Spirit dwells.  I did not have the respect for my body that God had and I definitely was not honoring Him with my body.  Challenged by Diane’s call to live out I Corinthians 6:20 and encouraged by Jodi’s words of running wisdom, I embarked on a mission to train for and finish the Helvetia Half Marathon.

I really wanted my whole family (dad, mom, brothers and sisters) to do this with me.  I began asking them to join me on this ‘mission impossible’ and one-by-nervous-one, they said YES!  We got all the gear we needed for running.  We stayed connected by group messages on Facebook and ran long runs together when we could.  We even gathered for a family birthday in Tacoma and ran ten miles along a golf course.  We were really doing this!

Brian and I had talked about getting shirts made since there were seven of us running together to identify ourselves as a group.  We chose a turtle for the front to honor Jaron and used Hebrews 12:1 as our theme verse on the back.  ‘Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us/’ I only wish we would have added, ‘And all God’s children said, ________”’because I had at least 30 runners who commented on my verse while running the race.

Race day came.  We all showed up, stretched, drank water, prayed, ran, walked, huffed, puffed, prayed some more, ached, groaned… but all seven of us finished!!!!!  A few of us beat our training pace.  Some were just thrilled to cross the finish line still alive. We were all amazed and thankful to complete what we started – TOGETHER.”

•••••

Tiffany said, “The morning of the race I was nervous, excited and a bit scared.  I flipped open my devotional just as I do every morning and it was based on I Peter 5:7, ‘Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you.’ All I could do was say, ‘Thank you Lord for reminding me why I am doing this today.’

I knew this race would be tough.  I’m not in as good of shape as I was two years ago when I first got into running, but I had a completely different outlook on why I was running and why I wanted to finish the race.  When I got to the Solid Rock tent I put the ‘Not Your Own’ bracelet on my right arm.  On my left forearm above my watch, I wrote the verse from my devotional in bright red.  I knew while I was out on the course I would need continual reminders that I am Not My Own and that I needed to cast my anxieties on Him.

Throughout the race I was running behind or in front of Elizabeth.  We made the last turn on the road to the stadium and I started to pass her but I felt the Lord tell me to use the little bit of energy I had left to pull her along.  We ran the last ¼ mile together and it was an awesome way to end. Two years ago I may have been in better physical shape and run a bit faster, but I know that the condition of my spirit and my relationship with Christ is so much stronger and tougher that I wouldn’t go back to who I was then for anything!”

•••••

Rachael ran the half-marathon at Helvetia, her first.  In preparation for the race, she started running with two different women.  “I loved my runs with Ashley because we chose a new place to run each time we went out.  It was always an adventure and it gave us time to share with each other how God was moving in our lives.    Elizabeth and I ran a 2.5 mile loop each week, rain or shine.  As we ran, I would chuckle as she told me stories about her kids, listen intently as she gave me Godly advice and wisdom, and smile with appreciation as she encouraged me.  My goals for the Helvetia half marathon were: (1) Don’t stop running.  Walking is not an option.  (2) Don’t come in last place.  (3) Finish!”

Rachael injured her hamstring during her training and came to the stadium on race day feeling undertrained and really nervous.  Ashley was walking the half-marathon and Elizabeth was running the 10k, so she was on her own for the duration of the race.  The first 8 miles passed uneventfully, and then Rachael got distracted.  “Something was wrong with my right sock, my left ankle and knee were bugging me, the inside of my legs were rubbing, my race shorts were too big and not fitting right, and a thought I quickly had to surrender was, ‘No one is going to be there to greet me at the finish line.’ Through all the distractions I kept reminding myself that I am Not My Own, that I was bought at a price and that the Lord is my strength and he has given me victory. (Exodus 15:2)  By mile thirteen I had nothing left in me and was not able to sprint to the finish line.  As I rounded the corner to run onto the field, I heard, ‘Ah!  There’s Rachael!’  Two smiling faces, Kelsey and Elizabeth, were there waiting for me and cheering me on. I don’t know how long Kelsey and Elizabeth had to wait for me, but that act of love still brings tears to my eyes. Days later, I still have achy knees but I also have an appreciation for new and old friends and a thankfulness that I am Not My Own.”

•••••

Alisa wrote, ‘After weeks of training, I ran my first half marathon.  13.1 hard-earned miles run by my very own legs.  Today as I nurse sore muscles and joints and reward my hard work with some homemade ice cream, I’m reflecting a little bit on this thing that I just did.

I wanted to learn what it meant to surrender myself in obedience to the Lord, in a practical, tangible way.  Through the sweat and frustration and tears and elation of training for this seemingly impossible thing, I longed, somehow, to bring glory to the One who created me. I wanted to please my Father’s heart.  And I hoped that someone else might catch a glimpse of Jesus in my journey.

The race itself went amazingly well.  Not easy, mind you, but easier than I expected.  By mile 12 I had to pray through every single step, ‘Just keep my feet moving, Jesus,’ I whispered through my wheezing.  And He did.  As I finished the race with my version of a sprint, I felt the most amazing sense of victory.  Not only because I had just pushed my body to run for two hours and twenty-eight minutes straight, although that felt incredible. The real victory was that I threw off everything that hindered me, fixed my eyes squarely on Jesus, and through Him, I ran my race.”

•••••

Michelle said, “Seven years of blissful marriage and two little boys later, I found myself turning thirty with thirty extra pounds. No question I was thankful for the blessings the Lord had given me, yet I was still hiding behind layers.  Over the years, the Lord has shown me that I am an emotional eater.  I eat when I’m happy, bored, sad and angry.  I ate to comfort myself, not to fuel my body.  I grew up in a very obese Italian family.  Food was an art form, but taken to the extreme.  I’ve had to learn that food is not the enemy; it is part of the Lord’s beautiful creation, created for our sustenance.

Six months ago I said to my husband, ‘Babe, if you could change anything about me, what would it be?’  After a few minutes of thinking, he said, ‘You are an awesome woman with vision, endless ideas and passion.  I would like you to say ‘yes’ to one or two things at a time, follow through to complete the task, and then move on to the next vision that He gives you.’

The Lord had been preparing my heart for that exact moment. I want to be a woman of her word, filled with the Spirit and conducted by the Spirit.  I knew my first task was to start taking care of my physical body.  I have lost 25 pounds this year through a strict dietary regimen.  While I was changing our family’s dietary habits, I realized I needed to exercise my physical body as well.

When Jodi and Diane asked us to consider running in the Helvetia race, I knew it was what I needed to push me forward and stay on track and keep this body moving in the right direction toward good health.  It was slow going at first – running for a minute then walking for two.  Eventually it turned into walking one minute then running two.  I slowly gained endurance and began to actually enjoy the process.  On race day my goal was to run the entire 10k with no stopping, and I did it!  Slow?  No question.  But I finished.

The Lord has continued to remind me that when I say ‘yes’ to one thing, I will have to say no to another.  In this season of saying ‘yes’ to training, I am saying ‘yes’ to good health.  I am showing my boys to love and respect the food that God has given us and the bodies we have to use for His glory. Better yet, many goals were accomplished by saying ‘yes’ to one discipline.” To God be the glory!

•••••

Andrea told me, “This was my second time running this event.  Four years and two kids later, I was able to shave ten minutes off my time.  It was still short of my goal but now I am even more eager to do another race.  I hit a wall at mile eleven and never really broke through it.  I pretty much shuffled the rest of the way with Mandisa’s song Stronger blasting through my iPod on repeat.  It’s a great song to run to when all you have left is to cling to Jesus to make it across the finish line.  I caught up to Monica Albaugh and unplugged the headphones so we could listen to the song together as we neared the finish line.  It was great to be able to finish with another Not Your Own lady and so encouraging to see so many women from our church out there.”

•••••

I met Amanda at packet pick up.  Slender and beautiful, she looked like a natural runner.  I asked her what event she was participating in fully expecting her to say the half marathon.  Instead, she grimaced and said with a determined look, “I’m walking the 10k.”  My confusion must have been obvious so she elaborated.  “I grew up running but I’ve battled some tough health issues in the past year.  It has taken a long time to stabilize my health and even now it’s in a fragile state.  I want to run but my body needs rest. I joined Not Your Own to honor God with my body, but in my case it means I have to force myself to walk a shorter distance instead of run a longer one.”  I was floored!  I saw the resolve in Amanda’s eyes to obey and honor her God and it touched me.

I caught up with her via email after the race.  She said, “The 10k was a lot of fun.  I definitely thought about running a couple of times, but I didn’t.  I walked the whole way.”  The ironic part of Amanda’s race is her finish time.  She chose a pace per mile that her body could handle and forced herself to stick to that pace, but her timing watch malfunctioned and she ended up finishing at a pace that was almost two minutes per mile faster than she anticipated!  Amanda obeyed God, listened to her body and walked her way to victory.  She finished by saying, “I can’t wait till I am healthy and running again, but in the meantime, I will just keep walking.”  You go Amanda!

•••••

This will be our last Not Your Own post for the Helvetia event.  Keep an eye on the blog and the Not Your Own Facebook page for the next Solid Rock sponsored-event, probably spring of next year.  In the meantime use the Not Your Own Facebook group to stay connected, build relationships, and find other events to train for.  While you’re at it, why not pull in some of your non-believing friends or co-workers to train with you?  You never know what God will do while you sweat and share together!

I’ve enjoyed connecting with each of you.  I posted my race day experience on my personal blog.  I’d love to have you follow me there until we meet again!

Persevering with you,

Jodi Stilp

…” well, when we came to the city of Troas to preach the Good News of Christ,

the Lord gave me tremendous opportunities. But I couldn’t find rest because my dear brother Titus hadn’t yet arrived with a report from you. So I said good-bye and went on to Macedonia to find him.

Now wherever we go He uses us to tell others about the Lord and to spread the Good News like a sweet perfume…”

2 Corinthians 2:12,13,14

(source)

Early this morning, still pajama clad, I finally cleaned out my fridge.

It looked alright- no spills, nothing going green yet.  But I every time I dared open the door, my over-sensitive nose was assaulted by an awful stench.  Where was it?  I’d checked left-overs, sniffed cheese, rummaged through the vegetable bin- nothing. How could something that looked so clean smell so rotten?

I found all sorts of stuff I didn’t know I had in there. Where’d I get all these sauces? Barbeque sauce, teriyaki sauce, chili sauce, hot sauce, Szechwan sauce and steak sauce to name just a few. And mustard—four different kinds!

Where was that stink?

More →

Thou hast been our dwelling place for all generations.

Before the mountains were born,

Or Thou didst give birth to earth and the world,

Even from everlasting to everlasting,

Thou art God.

Psalm 90:1,2

The Meaning of His Name:

I first heard the story of Jesus and His redeeming plan for me when I was fifteen years old. Though my family had gone to church from time to time, somehow I’d missed all this. When we stumbled upon a church meeting in a remodeled electrical warehouse, the preacher there made sure no one who walked through those doors missed a thing.  With his big black Bible open, he taught through the Scriptures as if everyone knew there were treasures contained in that ancient book. Choirs sang and people worshiped and one day I walked forward to embrace everything I’d heard.  One by one, my family followed into a whole new world of faith.

It took a while to figure out what exactly I’d stepped into. Though I’m sure I must have heard the stories, I didn’t have a clue who Abraham was or where Moses fit in. And who was David? Ah… he was the one who penned those poems I’d loved even before I knew the Savior. I identified with that one. Somehow he’d managed to put a voice to all my emerging emotions, capturing my heart in the process. When I found his name listed in that intimidating genealogy of Jesus recorded in the beginnings of the story, I wondered.

Had I had any relatives of faith?

More →

My father is not a famous man. He has never written a book, never wanted to write a book. He’s never been interviewed or quoted or awarded anything much at all.

If you heard his name you would probably ask, Who’s he?

On the outside my dad looks just very ordinary. Medium weight, average height, brownish-grayish hair, blue eyes.

All my years of growing up, he lived in an ordinary tract home, drove an ordinary car, lived an ordinary life.

But my dad is not ordinary.

Born to a poor family, he worked his way through college, earned his degree, and landed a promising job with a large company.  He stayed out of debt, stayed married, and stayed with that same company for over thirty years.

It’s not all the things he has done that make my father special; it’s who he is.

As a man, as a father, my dad is really extraordinary.

More →

(source)

I grew up camping and hiking in the High Sierras. Some of my earliest memories involve wading through rock-strewn streams in my keds; sliding down ledges, and clambering up hot granite boulders to keep up with my dad. My brother ambushed us with pinecone grenades launched from strategic hiding places within massive Sequoias. I remember collecting moss and pretty rocks for our outdoor dinner table and screaming hysterically at lizards and snakes.

The heavy scent of sun-warmed pine needles awakens memories of worry-free days of a childhood kissed with laughter and freedom. There is just something so safe about a canvas tent tucked in amongst towering trees. My father’s gentle snoring just inches away made all the darkness magical, while my mother’s pancakes on metal plates and bubbling hot cocoa with melted marshmallows welcomed us every morning.

Yet childhoods fade and life grows up and memories are replaced with the jarring voices of real life.

Worries.

Stress.

Pressure.

Conflict.

And some days are just overwhelming.

That’s where God steps in, instructing us through His real-life, poetry producing servant, David, how to keep from sinking into the mud and mire of real life.

I took my troubles to the LORD;

I cried out to Him…

Rescue me…

How I suffer among these scoundrels…

It pains me to live with these people…

I am tired of living here…

I look up to the mountains—

Does my help come from there?

My help comes from the LORD,

Who made the heaven and the earth!

He will not let you stumble and fall;

The One who watches over you will not sleep

Indeed, He who watches over Israel

Never tires and never sleeps.

The Lord Himself watches over you!

The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.

The sun will not hurt you by day,

Nor the moon by night.

The Lord keeps you from all evil

And preserves your life.

The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,

Both now and forever.

Psalm 120,121 NLT

Way too often, I find myself scurrying haphazardly from problem to problem, slapping band-aids on all the scratches that leave me poked and bleeding. I try involving others, talking to friends. I follow steps to untangle my messes. I read books and listen to Dr’s and Oprah’s and still the real stuff sinks me.

And then, suddenly, my eye catches on that glint from way up there. The Most High One. Way up at the tippy-top of those great mountain peaks, David discovered the enormity of his God. Hovering high above all these troubles is One who watches with love filled eyes.

He helps.

In fact, just looking up to find Him helps.

High above all that troubles me, He sees and knows and catches me when I stumble.

He knows what’s just around the bend.

He knows about those criticisms that leave me stinging.

He’s followed all my failures and inadequacies.

He sees my list and knows I’ll never get it done.

The apostle Paul knew this way to hope too. In his letter to the Colossians, he wrote,

…keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not the things that are on earth.

In other words, look up. Way up. Wrestle your mind away from all those worries. Set your vision on the One who is so high above them that He knows what to do. It all looks different up there—clearer.

And when I do, my heart soars! He brings me back to that place where all feels safe. Back into His shelter where I can hear Him breathe those words of hope. Way up there, seated beside Him I know peace.

And rest.

And even joy.

For He is my God. The Most High God. El Elyon.

And He’s yours too.

From my heart,

Diane

Some more Scriptures to hold on to:

Luke 1:30-32 (the words He gave to help Mary through her reality)

Hebrews 1:3-4

Psalm 57:2

Psalm 91

Isaiah 55:8,9 Psalm 107

And every story of rescue He included in His Word… just so you’ll know He’ll do the same for you: Ruth, Hannah, Esther, Mary Magdalene- read them all and remember to look up!

“… that I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His

sufferings, being conformed to His death…”

“I press on in order that I may lay hold of that…”

“I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of Christ Jesus.”

− Paul in his letter to his friends in Philippi

(source)

It has often been said that life is a journey. And I believe that is so. But every journey I’ve been on has a destination, a goal, a place to get to. I’ve yet to meet anyone who set out to go nowhere.

For most of us, that journey seems to be at best random, at worst misdirected. We slide through life following our noses to the next place, randomly picking scents that smell good to us for a time. Then something else catches our attention and off we go, veering here and there into the vast frontier of life experiences.

No wonder we’re so restless.

Then there are those whose path is one of indiscriminate destruction. Careening here and there, leaving broken souls and calamity in their wake, these people pepper our lives with pain. To those married to such a person, or raised by someone of this sort, life begins to look more like a destruction derby, round and round a dusty track of defeat.

Where are we going? Where are we meant to go? And why is the getting there so filled with pain?

These are the questions we ask ourselves, the queries we spend our entire lives pursuing, whether we realize it or not.

Why else do we set goals? What other reason is there for all this quest to figure ourselves out? Why the bitterness so many end up with at the close of their lives?

The Bible is filled with stories of men headed somewhere. Abraham to a “land I will show you”, Moses from an Egyptian palace, through the wilderness, to the edge of the Promised Land. David, from the hills surrounding Bethlehem to the halls of a kingdom.

Women too, seem drawn to a particular place they are meant to be. Ruth the Moabitess determined to let nobody hold her back from living amongst the people of Promise. Knowing they would despise her, she went anyway. Her declaration to her mother-in-law, Naomi, sounding more like a life plan than simply a declaration of loyalty.

The list goes on and on. Esther to the king’s bedroom, Mary to the manger, Lydia to the riverside, Paul to Macedonia. Men and women called and directed by God to go somewhere.

I was a young woman when my journey took its first terrible turn. Up ‘til then I’d coasted with ease through an idyllic childhood. Never knowing any real pain other than the occasional conflict, life was as it was supposed to be— good and happy and normal.

Yet in all that goodness, a vague dissatisfaction had set in. An uneasy sense that there ought to be more. More what? I had no idea, just more.

When, inexplicably, in my twenties I began to lose my hearing, that flickering flame of restlessness ignited into a full-fledged inferno of entitled fury.

How dare God do this to me!

Wasn’t His job to make life good? As long as I followed His rules He was supposed to make everything right. To bless me. To give me everything I needed and even most of what I wanted to make life happy and rich and full and fulfilling.

Now this?

Soon I settled into a better solution. God was going to heal me, that was it! I envisioned myself a crowning glory of God’s power displayed for all to see. His poster child of gleaming joy. Arms raised, I would declare to all the world that God is good, just look at me and see His promise fulfilled.

What a story this would be! And of course, humble woman that I was, I would be absolutely resolute in giving all the glory to God. Just look at how God takes care of His own— especially those who follow the rules.

Wouldn’t everyone want to follow Him then?

Only He didn’t heal me. The tests came back showing further decline. The doctors were dismayed. Deafness was mentioned.

And my world fell apart.

The smooth sailing that had characterized my life had run into gale force winds and I had no equipment to handle it.

And though that’s a story for another day, (you can read the rest, if you like, here) I am now absolutely certain that it was God who propelled me into that storm and God who kept me there.

I did go deaf. I am still deaf. And I believe He wants me deaf.

And all this has to do with journey- my journey, because now I know the destination. I know exactly where I’m going.

I’m still not crazy about this section of the route. The bumps can be jarring, the twists and turns wear me out at times, but I’m on my way to where I’m supposed to go- to where I want to be.

My destination is right up close to the heart of God.

That’s where He’s taking me and He knows the way. That’s all He’s ever wanted for you and me, ever since that horrifying day in the Garden when we broke away from Him in the first place. That first sin that separated us from Him, setting us on a course of self-centered self-destruction far from His heart.

He wants me back. He wants you back.

And for some of us- for most of us, the only way we’re ever going to get there is through suffering.

Its not a pretty thought.

And yet, I can say now, after years and years of this hard thing, it’s worth it! This place He has brought me to, filled as it is with hurt and loss, is a good place.

Up close, He is all I ever wanted and more than I ever dreamed.

If your journey is taking you through some rough spots, will you take a little while to think about where you’re supposed to be headed in the first place?

I wish I had.

All that rage down deep came from a heart confused. Had I known His craving to connect my heart to His, I could have climbed into His comfort while He held me there. Instead I fought and demanded and made a mess of soul.

I’m still on that journey. Getting closer now, I’ve caught a whiff of His beauty.

Though suffering still scares me, I know where it leads. And I know where I’m going. And I want there.

I want Him.

From my heart on the way,

Diane